Disorientated

Cow finally replied. But what use is that. The conclusion was drawn long ago. I've been so tempremental lately that i think big brother is also getting worried. My mood has been permanently at the other end of the spectrum. You see, i really am at a lost. I feel so strongly. And yet, there seems like there is no other option.
Even the news that i've made it through auditions have only lifted my spirits mildly. It seems that bad news keep tumbling in. Dad has kidney disease. I'm so scared. I don't want him to leave me any time now. Why? Coz i'm selfish. Coz i love him lots and i'm not ready to take on the world on my own. I can barely stay afloat without him by my side. Its been more then a month and yet my heart is still hurting, aching.
i need to move on. Need to wake up and need the pain to dull so that i can live strong. Will that day ever come? I really hope so. Most of them can't see my pain, choosing to think that i'm so strong. That i have moved on. But who can see my pain? Who can see the strain that i'm under? Does life go on? Is there really another half out there for me that i have yet to meet? Or will another relationship just end up like this one causing the life of another innocent person? Is there really a prince out there for me?

PMS

Oh what a day. As usual, had a busy day at work, plus a lousy day at the school's closing. No one signed up for membership. Not forgetting that i have a whole list of things to do this Friday....Career Talk is getting to me. So far, only the deejay and actor are confirmed. The newscaster, big brother is still looking, and the editor suddenly can't make it.. I feel so stressed. No one is signing up for the rest of the events.. Headache headache...
Still in office. And i am upset. Coz i just quarrelled with a girl that i really treat as a friend. It hurts me when she says that i am not a friend. Funny how these stuff never affected me when i was in school. BUt now that i am out working, it gets me down. Oh well, but big brother says not to bother about it. He says that it will pass over. Guess he's the only reason for me to cheer up. I hope it doesn't get any worse..
People in office are beginning to notice my mood swings.. not too good i guess. THe only good thing is Kor is back.. and i am happy. I've missed him. He really is a good brother sometimes. Hee

Tired and all alone

I've tried many things over the past few days. In fact, i've gotten a new haircut, i've drank myself silly, i've tried dating a girl, i've tried being totally engrossed in my work, but none of it cures the dull pain in my heart. I still miss him terribly. To say that i was head over heels in love with him would be a lie. But i really did feel for him. So much so that i have come to accept him as part of my life. I told myself that i wouldn't call or sms. If he happens to walk back into my life, then i will accept that as an act of GOD. But, days have passed. He's not even trying....
You know, i feel so alone in this world. Everyone seems to have found a good better half.. Where's mine? Isn't there someone in the world for me? Someone that i can turn to to share my ups and downs, my feelings and basically just anything there is to share? Is finding that someone really so difficult? I'm so scared sometimes. I really have no idea where i'm heading. Everything that comes out of my mouth are just words that i speak to convince others that i am not scared. That i can handle everything life throws at me. But what if i'm wrong. WHat if i really can't handle it?
All week i've been trying to immerse myself with stuff so that i will not think about COW. Yes,... You are disappointed.. i'm still thinking about him. BUt i really can't help it. I've been up partying till the wee hours of the morning, i've been on time for work. Everyone can see i'm tired.. but i refuse to let myself free for even the slightest moment. As i know i will only wallow in self pity like what i'm doing right now. My eyes are heavy, and i need to go. I'm so tired. When will i ever feel better? Better be soon... i'm really tired