What a hectic day it was for me. Loads of running around and being really really tired. Today, i had a choice of whether i should go for swimming or not. I passed it up. From the choice i made, i have come to realize that family trumps over sports at this point of time for me. Figured it would be rather pointless for me to go for training when my heart won't be there.
Was actually rather preoccupied with Dad having the op tomorrow. I know the doctors have reassured me like 1 million and 1 times. Even Dad seemed pretty cool about it. But, somehow, i am still feeling rather uneasy about it. I guess it has to do with the fact that Dad is diabetic. And all the horror stories that happen to be true of people going in for an operation and being diabetic at the same time, that wounds refuse to heal, infection of the area etc. And of late, i have been attending so many funerals that it's not a joke. And maybe i am getting paranoid. But the last two wakes i went to, people were telling me their parents were admitted to hospital for some small problem, then the problem escalated into some blood infection and i don't have to tell you what happened to them right?
And so, i have been rather worried. There are probably a million what ifs that are going through my head even at this very precise moment. Yes. I know that no amount of worrying would make a difference. And yet, i still worry. Silly right? But then again, dad and i share an extremely unique relationship. I would say, he is my NO. 1 fan and best best friend. He is the person i respect the most, and surely the person i adore most in the world. Of course the feeling is mutual. =) Plus nothing is too much or too difficult for him when it comes to his girl. And i am sure in his heart, i will and am always his baby girl.
I can list the things that he has done for me, but it would take forever to write it all out. But i simply cannot imagine him not being around for me. So i will be praying extra hard and long tonight that when tomorrow arrives, all my worries will be unfounded when he safely comes out of the operating theatre tomorrow and when he gets discharged.
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Week summed up
The whole week has been a super duper slack week for me. Did not train all week except for a short ride this morning. And i wouldn't even consider that training really. Sighz
But seriously lacking the motivation to rouse myself out of bed and hit the pool, put on my running shoes or even bring the bike down and out! Plus work has been rather hectic. Ok, i admit. Partly due to the fact that i've been clocking many hours playing mahjong this week as well. Really miss those good old mahjong days. Anyway, like i wrote in my previous post, Monday and Tuesday flew by. Both nights also i played mahjong after work. Therefore, was too damn tired to wake up early to train. Then morning didn't wake up early enough to join Dawn Riders for a ride. Was supposed to run, but kept procrastinating. Then had to go meet client. And then, at night liaoz. Thought i'll sleep early so will wake up early on Thursday to train. But when i was home, a friend that i haven't seen like in 4-5 years suddenly sms me. Then ask if i was free to meet up and chill.
So i figured if he hasn't called for so long, then it must be something rather important for him to call out of the blue. I always thought we were the friends that didn't really need to see each other all the time, but somehow always knew that we would be there for each other. Of course over the course of the last couple of years, there have been a couple of sms/calls, but we've both never really made the effort to meet up. Nothing romantic ever transpired between us of course. Purely platonic, more like a big brother little sister kind of thing. Especially since we even worked with each other before.
So met up with him, my gut instincts were right. Indeed he was troubled with problems and wanted a listening ear, plus someone to help distract him by talking non stop. Who better to call? Ha... We chatted till close to 6 in the morning, before i headed home to take a short nap before heading out for a lunch appointment. I felt like a zombie the whole day, but my client said i looked pretty fresh. I was impressed. Anyway, wanted to run in the evening with Safra people, but it was raining on and off. And when i got home to get my gear, it was raining at my place. Thinking that the run would be cancelled due to the rain, i didn't go. But heard they ran anyway. Damn. So Thursday also went by with me not doing anything.
Friday is typically my rest day. But figured haven't train all week so don't really need the rest day. Was about to head to the swimming pool when dad asked if i could help with him with some stuff. And his some stuff basically took the rest of the morning and afternoon away. Went to turf club to help him in the evening. And Friday was almost over. Made plans with people to meet them for rides on both Saturday and Sunday, but alas, it seemed that every conceivable element was against me. I had food poisoning on Friday night. Felt horrid the whole night, stayed up late as well coz was sitting downstairs with a friend who needed a listening ear. Figured since my friend came all the way over from Jalan Kayu, i should just be helpful.
Finally went to bed at close to 4am. And still felt horrid. Couldn't sleep well. Felt weak all over. Woke up at about 8am. But was really darn tired and feeling lousy, so off to bed again at 9am and slept till about noon this time. Didn't know what to do. So lazed around the house for about an hour, too damn scared to eat, so just drank whatever energy stuff there was at home. Visited the toilet a couple more times, before feeling slightly better. By evening, i was feeling 60% recovered. But figured i didn't want to risk arranging to ride with a friend, for fear of not being able to make it. So cancelled our Sunday morning ride. Then went to play mahjong with the guys. Went toilet twice in the game. But they were damn patient. Haa....
Came home, decided to rest early. And hope i feel better in the morning. Woke up, Sunday liaoz. And actually woke up pretty early since i slept really early as well. It was like 4 plus when i opened my eyes. Then i figured, since i am feeling quite alright, maybe i would join Dawn riders for a ride this morning. So set the alarm for 5.30 and went back to sleep. Figured if i could wake up, then i'll join them. Less pressure. And i actually did fall asleep and woke up just as the first alarm went off. Figured it was a sign to go and ride, so got up, got out of bed, changed and washed up and headed out. Not too bad, short ride, about 30km. Average speed was about 27+km/h.
But had to head back rather then join them for the second part of the ride. Today was MC King's bday if he was still alive. And a group of us had arranged to go see him at Mandai crematorium. So, was there by about 9.30. Huge jam coz there were so many people who were still doing the Ching Ming thing. Stayed there till about 11 plus, before heading back home to shower. Was supposed to go catch a movie with Pic and Jamie, but couldn't find the show we wanted to watch. Apparently it wasn't out yet. So i decided to take a nap instead. Took a nap, then woke up and decided i really really wanted to catch a show today. It's been ages since i caught a show. The last show being the water horse. So, scrolled through all the available shows, and finally settled on Bucket List coz i figured it would be a nice show to give my friend a different perspective of his problems and hopefully make him feel better.
So booked the tix, and was off to catch the show. All in all, a rather entertaining show, peppered with some humour. But what was great about the show was it was what i felt was one of those dual level shows. One of those feel good movies, go in for some laughs, great acting and walk out feeling rather pleased or, many sub themes and thought provoking. Another one of those wake up call shows. Interesting how it doesn't really matter if you are rich or poor, when GOD decided to take you back to him, all the money in the world wouldn't matter. Of course as seen in the show, being rich has it's perks. Anyway, both Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are great actors. can't go wrong having two huge names in a show. And i think the gist of the show could be summed up when Morgan Freeman was telling Jack Nicholson in ancient Egypt, there decide whether you deserve to go to heaven by asking you two questions. The first, have you found joy in your life? The second, have you given joy to others in your life. Alright i admit, i'm a super sucker for these sort of movie. But hey, it's really good lor... =P
Eh, that about sums up my week till today. Er.. my week's goal the coming week is to stick by my training plan and start running. I think i 3 weeks never run liaoz. Haa....
But seriously lacking the motivation to rouse myself out of bed and hit the pool, put on my running shoes or even bring the bike down and out! Plus work has been rather hectic. Ok, i admit. Partly due to the fact that i've been clocking many hours playing mahjong this week as well. Really miss those good old mahjong days. Anyway, like i wrote in my previous post, Monday and Tuesday flew by. Both nights also i played mahjong after work. Therefore, was too damn tired to wake up early to train. Then morning didn't wake up early enough to join Dawn Riders for a ride. Was supposed to run, but kept procrastinating. Then had to go meet client. And then, at night liaoz. Thought i'll sleep early so will wake up early on Thursday to train. But when i was home, a friend that i haven't seen like in 4-5 years suddenly sms me. Then ask if i was free to meet up and chill.
So i figured if he hasn't called for so long, then it must be something rather important for him to call out of the blue. I always thought we were the friends that didn't really need to see each other all the time, but somehow always knew that we would be there for each other. Of course over the course of the last couple of years, there have been a couple of sms/calls, but we've both never really made the effort to meet up. Nothing romantic ever transpired between us of course. Purely platonic, more like a big brother little sister kind of thing. Especially since we even worked with each other before.
So met up with him, my gut instincts were right. Indeed he was troubled with problems and wanted a listening ear, plus someone to help distract him by talking non stop. Who better to call? Ha... We chatted till close to 6 in the morning, before i headed home to take a short nap before heading out for a lunch appointment. I felt like a zombie the whole day, but my client said i looked pretty fresh. I was impressed. Anyway, wanted to run in the evening with Safra people, but it was raining on and off. And when i got home to get my gear, it was raining at my place. Thinking that the run would be cancelled due to the rain, i didn't go. But heard they ran anyway. Damn. So Thursday also went by with me not doing anything.
Friday is typically my rest day. But figured haven't train all week so don't really need the rest day. Was about to head to the swimming pool when dad asked if i could help with him with some stuff. And his some stuff basically took the rest of the morning and afternoon away. Went to turf club to help him in the evening. And Friday was almost over. Made plans with people to meet them for rides on both Saturday and Sunday, but alas, it seemed that every conceivable element was against me. I had food poisoning on Friday night. Felt horrid the whole night, stayed up late as well coz was sitting downstairs with a friend who needed a listening ear. Figured since my friend came all the way over from Jalan Kayu, i should just be helpful.
Finally went to bed at close to 4am. And still felt horrid. Couldn't sleep well. Felt weak all over. Woke up at about 8am. But was really darn tired and feeling lousy, so off to bed again at 9am and slept till about noon this time. Didn't know what to do. So lazed around the house for about an hour, too damn scared to eat, so just drank whatever energy stuff there was at home. Visited the toilet a couple more times, before feeling slightly better. By evening, i was feeling 60% recovered. But figured i didn't want to risk arranging to ride with a friend, for fear of not being able to make it. So cancelled our Sunday morning ride. Then went to play mahjong with the guys. Went toilet twice in the game. But they were damn patient. Haa....
Came home, decided to rest early. And hope i feel better in the morning. Woke up, Sunday liaoz. And actually woke up pretty early since i slept really early as well. It was like 4 plus when i opened my eyes. Then i figured, since i am feeling quite alright, maybe i would join Dawn riders for a ride this morning. So set the alarm for 5.30 and went back to sleep. Figured if i could wake up, then i'll join them. Less pressure. And i actually did fall asleep and woke up just as the first alarm went off. Figured it was a sign to go and ride, so got up, got out of bed, changed and washed up and headed out. Not too bad, short ride, about 30km. Average speed was about 27+km/h.
But had to head back rather then join them for the second part of the ride. Today was MC King's bday if he was still alive. And a group of us had arranged to go see him at Mandai crematorium. So, was there by about 9.30. Huge jam coz there were so many people who were still doing the Ching Ming thing. Stayed there till about 11 plus, before heading back home to shower. Was supposed to go catch a movie with Pic and Jamie, but couldn't find the show we wanted to watch. Apparently it wasn't out yet. So i decided to take a nap instead. Took a nap, then woke up and decided i really really wanted to catch a show today. It's been ages since i caught a show. The last show being the water horse. So, scrolled through all the available shows, and finally settled on Bucket List coz i figured it would be a nice show to give my friend a different perspective of his problems and hopefully make him feel better.
So booked the tix, and was off to catch the show. All in all, a rather entertaining show, peppered with some humour. But what was great about the show was it was what i felt was one of those dual level shows. One of those feel good movies, go in for some laughs, great acting and walk out feeling rather pleased or, many sub themes and thought provoking. Another one of those wake up call shows. Interesting how it doesn't really matter if you are rich or poor, when GOD decided to take you back to him, all the money in the world wouldn't matter. Of course as seen in the show, being rich has it's perks. Anyway, both Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are great actors. can't go wrong having two huge names in a show. And i think the gist of the show could be summed up when Morgan Freeman was telling Jack Nicholson in ancient Egypt, there decide whether you deserve to go to heaven by asking you two questions. The first, have you found joy in your life? The second, have you given joy to others in your life. Alright i admit, i'm a super sucker for these sort of movie. But hey, it's really good lor... =P
Eh, that about sums up my week till today. Er.. my week's goal the coming week is to stick by my training plan and start running. I think i 3 weeks never run liaoz. Haa....
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Yawn
Somehow the weekend and Monday and Tuesday went by so quickly that i didn't even realize it. Of course it had to do with the fact that i was out on a mahjong marathon, plus helping bro shift house. So, basically the weekend from Saturday looked like this. Saturday, woke up to ride with some of the people from joyriders. Finished, went to Sentosa to join the Tanjong Beach people to swim. Swam one lap, then got out coz i saw jellyfishes. And i had no intention of feeding myself to them. So went for a short run instead while waiting for the rest to finish up their swim. Those brave people. Came home, nua for a while, surf, before heading out to jon's place to play mahjong. Took up the rest of the day. Sunday, woke up late, didn't manage to make it to coastal for cycling, so went back to sleep once again. Went to turf club to help dad. Came home at about 9, before heading out to play mahjong. Jon's shop again. Came home, slept, woke up to realize the weekend had disappeared. Went to Bro's place to pick him up plus help him move stuff. Went to work. Got caught at work, missed swimming training. Felt damn grumpy. Met Bro again to buy stuff with him, and ended up at his place to chill out. After 1 dvd and 1 bottle of wine, i was buzzing... Tired. But then, the lure of so many months of not playing mahjong got to me. So off i went to play mahjong again. Finished at 5 this morning, came home, slept for 2 hrs, before i was up again running errands. Somehow the day flew by super fast, and soon it was 4pm. Came back, took a nap, hoping to wake up in time for ENR tonight. Then somehow, the rain started and ENR was cancelled. So i figured, what the heck, i need some more sleep really. Went back to sleep, woke up for dinner. Again, got a call from Jon asking about mahjong. But i declined. It sure is fun playing mahjong so often. Reminds me of the good old days. But then, i really need to get my sleeping hours right so i can train. Apparently when i get very little sleep, i'm just in no mood whatsoever to train. So no mahjong for me tonight and hopefully will be up early to ride tomorrow =)
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Lazy Friday
Ha.. did nothing of much significance today. Woke up real late. Will not even reveal what time i managed to crawl out of bed. Slept like a pig after being intoxicated. Alas, i've found my cure to insomia. Or rather, 2 nights of practically not sleeping has a roll over effect.
Went to help dad in the evening. And that practically sums up my day. =)
*shakes head* didn't go office either..
*shakes head* didn't train...
Anyway, i've signed up for the army half marathon. That was in my list of to do races from one of my earlier posts. My target time for the run is anything below 2hr 30min. But will update closer to the race. That is the time for now. I'm not sure how it works out. If i can do a 21km run below 2hr 30min before Jul, then there will be a likely hood i will sign up for the Aviva 70.3. Although i am seriously thinking and thinking....
But i guess at least i have something to look forward to for now. Something to make me get off my arse and start running again. Once again, i have barely ran the whole week. Looking forward to the weekend coz there is just so much i want to do. =)
Went to help dad in the evening. And that practically sums up my day. =)
*shakes head* didn't go office either..
*shakes head* didn't train...
Anyway, i've signed up for the army half marathon. That was in my list of to do races from one of my earlier posts. My target time for the run is anything below 2hr 30min. But will update closer to the race. That is the time for now. I'm not sure how it works out. If i can do a 21km run below 2hr 30min before Jul, then there will be a likely hood i will sign up for the Aviva 70.3. Although i am seriously thinking and thinking....
But i guess at least i have something to look forward to for now. Something to make me get off my arse and start running again. Once again, i have barely ran the whole week. Looking forward to the weekend coz there is just so much i want to do. =)
Friday, April 04, 2008
Night out
Didn't train today. Coz when it started pouring at about 5pm. Then stopped at about 8pm. Could have gone out to run then, but what to do, already agreed to mit up with friends for a night out! And it was a good night. Haven't been out in a while. Erm, let me correct that. Have not been out drinking for a while now coz i always end up being designated driver. But today, i didn't drive. And considering i haven't slept in 2 days, i'm still amazed at how AWAKE i am after the excessive alcohol intake i had! =)
Reached St James early for once. Was there about 9pm. Alvino invited us for an event. And we all went coz we had nothing better to do obviously. Quite different from most of the events i've been to. Then again, considering its organised by a company that markets hair care products, why am i not surprised i spent an hour watching people cut hair? But it was still interesting. Saw a hair cut that i might be remotely interested in attempting. We'll see.
The firl on the right? Me?
Anyway, still thinking how i'll look in this hairstyle. Sure beats keeping the hair long. =)
Well, we decided to head to Dragonfly to chill out after that. It's been approximately 6 mths since we were last at Dragonfly together. Ever since the focus has been on Luna, the gang has been less inclined to go to Dragonfly. But what can i say? I admit! I am a closet AH LIAN. I super duper love chilling out at Dragonfly. I actually wanted to be home by midnight so i could get some sleep. But i knew when i saw 3 bottles of Chivas on the table that it was going to be a long night. But boy do i miss my whiskey! Haven't had a drop since i started training. But i'm sure i made up for all the loss nights out!
Hung out till about 2 plus, sent Jamie back before Pic and i went for supper and sat down to chat. All in all a really fun night out for me. But sure as hell will not be training again tomorrow. So i guess i just have to make up for it over the weekend.
And i admit. I'm a gadget slut. Have started using my 6500. Kinda hard to sms and keys are hard to press. Still prefer my N73. Well, shan't complain while i try to send my N73 to repair, i have a nice new phone to use. Yes, i know it's my bday present and i should wait for after my bday to use it. But i just couldn't resist. And yes. I thought of Guardian like 100 times today. Although i went out thinking TG might be in town and distract me for the evening. And no, he wasn't there. Apparently he's in KL. Eh, think it's past my bedtime. Some pictures of our night out.
(Clockwise from top left corner: 1) The gang without me, i was photographer, 2) Edwin and Me I look FAT next to him, 3) Jamie and Me I look like her filipino maid, and 4) Group pic with Me but without Alvino, plus the very nice lady who took the picture was obviously less skilled...)
Reached St James early for once. Was there about 9pm. Alvino invited us for an event. And we all went coz we had nothing better to do obviously. Quite different from most of the events i've been to. Then again, considering its organised by a company that markets hair care products, why am i not surprised i spent an hour watching people cut hair? But it was still interesting. Saw a hair cut that i might be remotely interested in attempting. We'll see.
The firl on the right? Me?Anyway, still thinking how i'll look in this hairstyle. Sure beats keeping the hair long. =)
Well, we decided to head to Dragonfly to chill out after that. It's been approximately 6 mths since we were last at Dragonfly together. Ever since the focus has been on Luna, the gang has been less inclined to go to Dragonfly. But what can i say? I admit! I am a closet AH LIAN. I super duper love chilling out at Dragonfly. I actually wanted to be home by midnight so i could get some sleep. But i knew when i saw 3 bottles of Chivas on the table that it was going to be a long night. But boy do i miss my whiskey! Haven't had a drop since i started training. But i'm sure i made up for all the loss nights out!
Hung out till about 2 plus, sent Jamie back before Pic and i went for supper and sat down to chat. All in all a really fun night out for me. But sure as hell will not be training again tomorrow. So i guess i just have to make up for it over the weekend.
And i admit. I'm a gadget slut. Have started using my 6500. Kinda hard to sms and keys are hard to press. Still prefer my N73. Well, shan't complain while i try to send my N73 to repair, i have a nice new phone to use. Yes, i know it's my bday present and i should wait for after my bday to use it. But i just couldn't resist. And yes. I thought of Guardian like 100 times today. Although i went out thinking TG might be in town and distract me for the evening. And no, he wasn't there. Apparently he's in KL. Eh, think it's past my bedtime. Some pictures of our night out.
(Clockwise from top left corner: 1) The gang without me, i was photographer, 2) Edwin and Me I look FAT next to him, 3) Jamie and Me I look like her filipino maid, and 4) Group pic with Me but without Alvino, plus the very nice lady who took the picture was obviously less skilled...)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Decadent breakfast
My didn't sleep a wink lookDidn't sleep a wink the whole night. Also not sure why. Maybe coz i was thinking too much the whole night. Maybe coz i was really apprehensive that i was meeting Guardian this morning. For the record, i was meeting him coz Superman is asking for his dvds back and i needed the spare phone coz my N73 crashed on me. It wasn't like i was trying to create an opportunity to meet him. Alright, i was. I could have asked him to drop off the stuff for me, or picked them up and that was it. But when he called this morning, asking if i wanted to go for breakfast, i noticed i was only too eager to agree.
Everything that i imagined was the way it was. Funny how after a while of knowing a person for so long, there is no need for words, just a simple understanding. Aha.. you must be thinking that since i saw him already, i can say anything i want. But, honestly, these were some of my thoughts before i even saw him earlier this morning. I figured that he would have removed doggy from the car. I figured that the car ornaments i gave him would no longer be in the car. And i was right. Ok, doesn't take a genius to figure all these out. Anyway, back to our breakfast.
So, we headed to Macdonald's for breakfast. I can't even remember the last time i had Macs for breakfast. I think it was one of those mornings where we were on our way to jb and stopped at woodlands for breakfast. This was also with Guardian.
My Sausage McMuffin with Egg mealAnyway, we chatted a little over breakfast. He has put on weight since the last time i met him. Seems to be always the case. Interesting. Every time we are dating, i put on weight, and he loses weight. When we break up, i lose weight and he puts on weight. But i guess the most important thing is that he really looks happier then before. Maybe this girl is having a way positive effect on him. He tells me that she's a really intelligent gal, who's pretty close to his age. So i suppose they could be a better match. If felt a little weird for a while. Somehow, i know he is not comfortable with sharing about another girl with me. I'm also not sure why. Maybe it's damn weird to be sharing information about your current girlfriend with your ex girlfriend.
Anyway, after breakfast, it was time to head home. I was glad we were still able to sit down and have a decent conversation. But the meeting today reaffirmed what i already knew about how i felt for him. I will always have a soft spot for him. Just like although i know he won't be happiest when he is with me, the what if lingers on. Funny he made this statement earlier on, that this girl he is dating is also very smart. Like she can preempt his every movement. Then he said, just like you. Cute. But of course, like with his ex wife, she probably has more attitude then me. But i guess i really can't help it in certain ways. I don't give him very much attitude because that really isn't me. And i guess i really care lots for him and just want him to be happy. So if he is happier with someone else, then it's good to know as well.
Anyway, he sent me back. Hardly a 5 minutes drive away. Yes, there is Macs so near my place but i never go there. Hmmm why is that so. And in the car, he left a paperbag at the passenger seat, and told me the bag was for me. Inside the paperbag, there was the prison break dvds, my MIC phone, and a new nokia 6500 classic phone. The dvds belong to Superman, the MIC phone was an impulse buy, but really really cute, the nokia phone.. ermm..... So i asked him, what the phone was for. And he say, present. For you coz ur N73 spoil. Then i did my usual, can i tell u my car spoil?
My early birthday present!But it was a pleasant surprise. And a very nice one as it is. Anyway, he said it was my early birthday present. Very early in fact. Anyway, i texted him after that to say it was a nice surprise, it cheered me up and thank you. And his sms reply was really weird. Something like, you're always welcome. Ask me to take good care of myself and always remember to live happy. Funny. Sounds like one of those messages u send to someone you're never going to see again. I suppose i could be reading too much into an otherwise innocent and simple sms. But call it a gut feeling or just too many years of knowing him. Then i sms back to ask how come it seems like he won't see me again, and he didn't reply. But i also understand from my years of knowing him that this is how he operates. Seems like after all these years, he has never upgraded his operating system.
Well, my conclusion is that this is his way of wanting to make up to me. But i'm pass that already. No amount of gifts can fill up the void in which he has left. But not seeing each other over an extended period would also mean we will both move on and live our lives. Or maybe, end of the day, the only person that isn't moving on is myself as it seems like he has moved on ages ago. Well, whatever the case it, i met him, i survived and i didn't break down! =)
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Random thoughts
Its been a couple of weeks since i last sat down, had a cup of coffee and thought about my life in general, how it's moving on and what else i need to get done or do. The last couple of months have just been really jumbled for me. Certain days, i'm not even sure why i crawl out of bed to go for training, or why i go to office to settle stuff that is in fact not in my job scope.
It's supposed to be pretty clear cut. I'm a sales person. My job is to sell. If i can spend some time doing recruitment, then i'm also better off. But recruitment is also like selling. The job of selling our profession or the industry to someone else. But simply put, all other matters don't fall within my job scope. I don't mind teaching someone new about what to do, how to do certain things. But i definitely have no desire to train a new person from scratch. After all, that was one of the main reasons why i refuse to go up to management. But herein lies a problem which i am constantly facing at work. There are 4 of us in my team currently. With the team growing bigger everyday due to massive recruitment exercise going on. Let's talk about my manager. Time of joining HSBC, Feb 2008. My other colleague, the one that stayed on with me, time of joining HSBC, Oct 2007. Then there is the new guy, time of joining HSBC, Mar 2008. And myself, Oct 2005. So from the obvious timelines, i would say i am in fact the person that is the most familiar with procedures and how the company operates. No doubt industry wide, most practices are the same. Products are similar. However, there are still some slight and subtle difference in terms of products and what is the company's stand on things.
Doesn't help that i cannot stand it when i see things done wrongly. I sometimes get irritated especially when it happens right in front of me. And then i will voice it out and soon, i realise that i'm the new person to go to for questions about products, company procedures, ways to do things. I guess there is a flip side to all this. Makes me a more valued team member. Which means people appreciate me being in the team more. Which means eventually when we start selling credit cards and do roadshows, there will be someone watching my back. So i guess it isn't all that bad. I do however miss the old days where all i had to do was sell. And when i didn't know how to do something or want to find out about some company policy, all i had to do was ask. And someone would provide me with an answer that was almost 90% accurate.
As for training, i would be lying if i said i was really motivated. I kinda enjoy swim sessions, running and biking with a group of people that have a common interest. I suppose it'll be real weird to say that despite the training i'm doing, i'm not really looking to do any race any time soon. And don't even bother giving me the its the journey not the ending theory. I am thinking, maybe it's coz i haven't signed up for any races and that's why i don't feel motivated to train. Or rather i feel that training is totally meaningless and pointless. Or it could be the fact that psychologically, i am not prepared to race. That goes back to my huge FEAR.
It's really weird though, coz for a while now i thought i had put it behind me and moved on. But i suppose a part of it still lingers there waiting for the appropriate moment to creep up. I can rationalize all i want about races. That it's finishing the race that matters more then clocking a personal best or beating your competitor. I could rationalize and say that i don't mind coming in last, coz i started the race which is supposedly more important then the position in which you end the race. I understand in any given race, someone has to come in last. I understand that everyone has different standards and that's why some people come in first and some people come in last.
I also know that there is no point in me training non stop and not competing. I somehow feel like i'm back in uni where i know i studied damn hard for my papers. I felt as prepared as i could be, but not really sure at the same time. I'm not sure if you've ever experienced something like that. And on the day of the paper itself, i just didn't turn up. I couldn't do it. Two consecutive semesters in a row and i was out of uni. The fear was just too big a thing for me to handle. I was so damn scared. Over the last couple of years i guess i have not really given myself a chance to try all things new. Or maybe i thought i had dealt with it coz it hasn't resurfaced. But maybe, the truth is, it never had a chance to resurface as i've not competed in any event for a really really long time or taken an exam for a really really long time.
As i looked at the race calendar earlier on today, i put a tick next to those that i was pretty keen in taking part in. Like the duathlon, coz the last time i did it was in 2000 and i only did the run leg while Niaomi did the bike leg, port dickson tri for my first OD race, AHM, desaru half, there was a tick next to Aviva Half as well, and Marathon end year. Then another tick was added to races that i felt i was marginally prepared to take part in or prepared for. None of the races got a second tick. So i was stuck. I sat there staring at the list of races and like a million and one things flowed through my mind. Somehow, i felt as unprepared as when i never even lifted my legs off the couch and headed to train.
I have another thought. Maybe i'll spend this year just running, biking and swimming. And when i've done at least a year of base training, i will start taking part in maybe 2-3 OD events next year, then maybe do a half ironman year after and finally go for my ironman 3-4 years down the road. Maybe i'll feel a little better and feel a little more prepared. BUt then again, there is another part of me that is feeling if i just go with the aim of completion, then i probably don't have to wait such a long time. ARGHHHHHHhh...
I haven't reached any conclusions just yet. But everyday, i see people adding their names and expressing their interest in taking part in this event and that. There is a part of me that wants to put my name down and just do it =) versus lets wait and see. Don't be too anxious to jump coz you are not prepared. I did ask myself though, just what is the benchmark that i was going to set for myself before i knew i was prepared enough to race. And truth is, i have no answer for that really. Maybe all i need is a little encouragement or booster. But i'm also not very sure how that is going to help.
Eh, am i going on and on and on? Ha.. Sometimes, i'm not even sure what i'm rambling on about.. =P Anyway, this is what having too much free time and a coffee in the afternoon will do for you. Seems like the more i think, the more things seem to bug me. Not even sure whether its good or bad. But i guess it's healthy to question your goals and beliefs once in a while and see if they are aligned with what you are currently doing and looking for in life.
On a lighter note, today was a rather relaxed day. Didn't swim today coz i want to do speed work tomorrow at the pool. Went to the track though. Miss the old SPE track quite a bit when i was there in the evening. Really brings back fond memories. Sleeping in the toilet for 4 years during track camps, or before training coz it was the only place that had a nice fan. Went there to do a light workout. Was supposed to pick 800s or 1000s. But settled for 600s. Coz was lazy. Plus i stopped at the 600 point in my first set. So did 10*600. All below 3 minutes. Rest time was a slow jog of another 600m. So all in all, i did 12km. =) Didn't push very hard coz was more interested in finishing the workout. Oh, i also picked my baby up from the shop earlier on today. So i suppose things are alright.
Meeting Guardian tomorrow morning to pick up some stuff that are with him. Having loads of mixed feelings right now. Ok, i know that i really really need to move on with my life and stop thinking about him. And yet, i cannot help it sometimes when he pops up in my mind out of the blue. Anyway, i suppose it's one of those pick and go scenario. Would prefer if we kept our distance at this point of time as i'm still desperately trying to get over him. It's like trying to wipe away 12 years of my life. He's still the only one that can bring tears to my eyes, or occupy my thoughts longer then i'll like it to be. Other men are a dime a dozen for me. But this peculiar man has a really strong hold on my heart. Sighz...
Oh well, when tomorrow comes......
It's supposed to be pretty clear cut. I'm a sales person. My job is to sell. If i can spend some time doing recruitment, then i'm also better off. But recruitment is also like selling. The job of selling our profession or the industry to someone else. But simply put, all other matters don't fall within my job scope. I don't mind teaching someone new about what to do, how to do certain things. But i definitely have no desire to train a new person from scratch. After all, that was one of the main reasons why i refuse to go up to management. But herein lies a problem which i am constantly facing at work. There are 4 of us in my team currently. With the team growing bigger everyday due to massive recruitment exercise going on. Let's talk about my manager. Time of joining HSBC, Feb 2008. My other colleague, the one that stayed on with me, time of joining HSBC, Oct 2007. Then there is the new guy, time of joining HSBC, Mar 2008. And myself, Oct 2005. So from the obvious timelines, i would say i am in fact the person that is the most familiar with procedures and how the company operates. No doubt industry wide, most practices are the same. Products are similar. However, there are still some slight and subtle difference in terms of products and what is the company's stand on things.
Doesn't help that i cannot stand it when i see things done wrongly. I sometimes get irritated especially when it happens right in front of me. And then i will voice it out and soon, i realise that i'm the new person to go to for questions about products, company procedures, ways to do things. I guess there is a flip side to all this. Makes me a more valued team member. Which means people appreciate me being in the team more. Which means eventually when we start selling credit cards and do roadshows, there will be someone watching my back. So i guess it isn't all that bad. I do however miss the old days where all i had to do was sell. And when i didn't know how to do something or want to find out about some company policy, all i had to do was ask. And someone would provide me with an answer that was almost 90% accurate.
As for training, i would be lying if i said i was really motivated. I kinda enjoy swim sessions, running and biking with a group of people that have a common interest. I suppose it'll be real weird to say that despite the training i'm doing, i'm not really looking to do any race any time soon. And don't even bother giving me the its the journey not the ending theory. I am thinking, maybe it's coz i haven't signed up for any races and that's why i don't feel motivated to train. Or rather i feel that training is totally meaningless and pointless. Or it could be the fact that psychologically, i am not prepared to race. That goes back to my huge FEAR.
It's really weird though, coz for a while now i thought i had put it behind me and moved on. But i suppose a part of it still lingers there waiting for the appropriate moment to creep up. I can rationalize all i want about races. That it's finishing the race that matters more then clocking a personal best or beating your competitor. I could rationalize and say that i don't mind coming in last, coz i started the race which is supposedly more important then the position in which you end the race. I understand in any given race, someone has to come in last. I understand that everyone has different standards and that's why some people come in first and some people come in last.
I also know that there is no point in me training non stop and not competing. I somehow feel like i'm back in uni where i know i studied damn hard for my papers. I felt as prepared as i could be, but not really sure at the same time. I'm not sure if you've ever experienced something like that. And on the day of the paper itself, i just didn't turn up. I couldn't do it. Two consecutive semesters in a row and i was out of uni. The fear was just too big a thing for me to handle. I was so damn scared. Over the last couple of years i guess i have not really given myself a chance to try all things new. Or maybe i thought i had dealt with it coz it hasn't resurfaced. But maybe, the truth is, it never had a chance to resurface as i've not competed in any event for a really really long time or taken an exam for a really really long time.
As i looked at the race calendar earlier on today, i put a tick next to those that i was pretty keen in taking part in. Like the duathlon, coz the last time i did it was in 2000 and i only did the run leg while Niaomi did the bike leg, port dickson tri for my first OD race, AHM, desaru half, there was a tick next to Aviva Half as well, and Marathon end year. Then another tick was added to races that i felt i was marginally prepared to take part in or prepared for. None of the races got a second tick. So i was stuck. I sat there staring at the list of races and like a million and one things flowed through my mind. Somehow, i felt as unprepared as when i never even lifted my legs off the couch and headed to train.
I have another thought. Maybe i'll spend this year just running, biking and swimming. And when i've done at least a year of base training, i will start taking part in maybe 2-3 OD events next year, then maybe do a half ironman year after and finally go for my ironman 3-4 years down the road. Maybe i'll feel a little better and feel a little more prepared. BUt then again, there is another part of me that is feeling if i just go with the aim of completion, then i probably don't have to wait such a long time. ARGHHHHHHhh...
I haven't reached any conclusions just yet. But everyday, i see people adding their names and expressing their interest in taking part in this event and that. There is a part of me that wants to put my name down and just do it =) versus lets wait and see. Don't be too anxious to jump coz you are not prepared. I did ask myself though, just what is the benchmark that i was going to set for myself before i knew i was prepared enough to race. And truth is, i have no answer for that really. Maybe all i need is a little encouragement or booster. But i'm also not very sure how that is going to help.
Eh, am i going on and on and on? Ha.. Sometimes, i'm not even sure what i'm rambling on about.. =P Anyway, this is what having too much free time and a coffee in the afternoon will do for you. Seems like the more i think, the more things seem to bug me. Not even sure whether its good or bad. But i guess it's healthy to question your goals and beliefs once in a while and see if they are aligned with what you are currently doing and looking for in life.
On a lighter note, today was a rather relaxed day. Didn't swim today coz i want to do speed work tomorrow at the pool. Went to the track though. Miss the old SPE track quite a bit when i was there in the evening. Really brings back fond memories. Sleeping in the toilet for 4 years during track camps, or before training coz it was the only place that had a nice fan. Went there to do a light workout. Was supposed to pick 800s or 1000s. But settled for 600s. Coz was lazy. Plus i stopped at the 600 point in my first set. So did 10*600. All below 3 minutes. Rest time was a slow jog of another 600m. So all in all, i did 12km. =) Didn't push very hard coz was more interested in finishing the workout. Oh, i also picked my baby up from the shop earlier on today. So i suppose things are alright.
Meeting Guardian tomorrow morning to pick up some stuff that are with him. Having loads of mixed feelings right now. Ok, i know that i really really need to move on with my life and stop thinking about him. And yet, i cannot help it sometimes when he pops up in my mind out of the blue. Anyway, i suppose it's one of those pick and go scenario. Would prefer if we kept our distance at this point of time as i'm still desperately trying to get over him. It's like trying to wipe away 12 years of my life. He's still the only one that can bring tears to my eyes, or occupy my thoughts longer then i'll like it to be. Other men are a dime a dozen for me. But this peculiar man has a really strong hold on my heart. Sighz...
Oh well, when tomorrow comes......
Happy April Fools
Time really flies and its the first day of April already. My first day of April worked out pretty well for me. Managed to fit in a swim, run and bike session all in one day, not forgetting yummy lunch at Muthu's curry and some friendly get together for dinner with the ENR people.
Swim workout was a lazy easy swim. Did 2km. 49mins. A little slower then i would have liked, but i suppose when i went with the intention of a lazy easy swim, i can't expect it to be too fast eh =) Short run session as well before meeting the ENR people for biking. Did 5km, 28 mins. Didn't feel very good on the run, felt i was pushing too hard too fast. Then again, it was my own fault for cutting it so close. Reached east coast at close to 7pm. And i knew if i didn't push hard from the start, i would never finish my run before biking.
Was supposed to bike straight after that, but it started to drizzle. And i was really worried for a while, coz i don't really feel comfortable with riding when the roads are wet. And it was a pretty good thing that everyone else decided it was time for DINNER! Although since i only had lunch at about 3pm, i was hardly in the mood for dinner. Of course, nothing a bowl of east coast's beef kway teow won't solve. =) I wasn't really hungry but i was certain that not even a morsel of food was left in the bowl when i was done with it. We sat around and chatted for a while more, before 3 very garang people decided that they still wanted to bike. It was close to 9plus by then. Jerry asked if i wanted to bike, and i figured why not. After all, i drove 30km to get there, better make it worth my while. And the 5km run felt like i didn't really run today. So i decided to join some of them to bike. It was a rather good session. In fact, i could count the times where my speed dropped below 28km/h. Which is great for me since i haven't been able to keep this pace before. So i guess i must be improving. Another pat on the back for me =)
After the very shiong session for me, i showered and headed down to Genna's father's wake. Another funeral! Sigh. Kinda got me thinking on the long drive home that life really is very fragile. And that living life to the max is probably the only way to live. Coz you never know what will happen tomorrow. I drove pass Guardian's place on the way home though.. And yes, i must admit i did think about him for a sec. Nostalgia creeps in late a night for me most of the time. And i realise i still miss him. But i'm coping and learning each day that there are still a million and one things i want to do and not having him around might not be a bad thing after all. But of course i miss the hugs, the kisses and us snuggling in bed....
Anyway, heard another news while out with my colleagues today. Mr negativity has decided to stay on with the company and has signed the contract. Well, only wish that he will grow up and learn to better deal with people and handle people. If not, he is in for a really tough time with the current changes that company has implemented. I consider myself one of the most adaptable person on the team, and even i am struggling with the changes. Best of luck to him though. I still regard him as a friend, just that i choose not to associate myself with him too often coz his negative attitude and comments rubs off on me. And i guess i've never really been very good with negativity.
Btw, Happy April fools day to you...
Swim workout was a lazy easy swim. Did 2km. 49mins. A little slower then i would have liked, but i suppose when i went with the intention of a lazy easy swim, i can't expect it to be too fast eh =) Short run session as well before meeting the ENR people for biking. Did 5km, 28 mins. Didn't feel very good on the run, felt i was pushing too hard too fast. Then again, it was my own fault for cutting it so close. Reached east coast at close to 7pm. And i knew if i didn't push hard from the start, i would never finish my run before biking.
Was supposed to bike straight after that, but it started to drizzle. And i was really worried for a while, coz i don't really feel comfortable with riding when the roads are wet. And it was a pretty good thing that everyone else decided it was time for DINNER! Although since i only had lunch at about 3pm, i was hardly in the mood for dinner. Of course, nothing a bowl of east coast's beef kway teow won't solve. =) I wasn't really hungry but i was certain that not even a morsel of food was left in the bowl when i was done with it. We sat around and chatted for a while more, before 3 very garang people decided that they still wanted to bike. It was close to 9plus by then. Jerry asked if i wanted to bike, and i figured why not. After all, i drove 30km to get there, better make it worth my while. And the 5km run felt like i didn't really run today. So i decided to join some of them to bike. It was a rather good session. In fact, i could count the times where my speed dropped below 28km/h. Which is great for me since i haven't been able to keep this pace before. So i guess i must be improving. Another pat on the back for me =)
After the very shiong session for me, i showered and headed down to Genna's father's wake. Another funeral! Sigh. Kinda got me thinking on the long drive home that life really is very fragile. And that living life to the max is probably the only way to live. Coz you never know what will happen tomorrow. I drove pass Guardian's place on the way home though.. And yes, i must admit i did think about him for a sec. Nostalgia creeps in late a night for me most of the time. And i realise i still miss him. But i'm coping and learning each day that there are still a million and one things i want to do and not having him around might not be a bad thing after all. But of course i miss the hugs, the kisses and us snuggling in bed....
Anyway, heard another news while out with my colleagues today. Mr negativity has decided to stay on with the company and has signed the contract. Well, only wish that he will grow up and learn to better deal with people and handle people. If not, he is in for a really tough time with the current changes that company has implemented. I consider myself one of the most adaptable person on the team, and even i am struggling with the changes. Best of luck to him though. I still regard him as a friend, just that i choose not to associate myself with him too often coz his negative attitude and comments rubs off on me. And i guess i've never really been very good with negativity.
Btw, Happy April fools day to you...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
My baby is down
Sigh, my baby is down. Had a flat on the way to the pool earlier on. And for 2 minutes i thought this was it. Was trying to turn at the cross junction when i felt my back tyre lock. Not sure what it was about really. Of course it didn't occur to me that it was a flat at that point of time. So while i tried to accelerate, i felt the back fish tailed... And i was actually really scared coz there was an approaching car coming. So i fought the bike and we (bike and I) got safely past the cross junction before i managed to bring the bike to the side of the road.
I looked down at my back trye and realised that i had a flat. Hmmm.. somewhere along the way, i must have rolled over something. Damn. But really, for 2 minutes there, i thought that was the end. Considering it was close to 7pm, roads were pretty packed. And not forgetting that on coming car. Whew...
Anyway, i was pretty shaken by it for a while. But decided to still head to the pool since there was nothing very much i could have done at that point of time. Was still shaken at the pool. Which was probably why i swam faster and harder then i normally do at trainings. Adrenaline? Maybe
Did 5*200m all below 4minutes per set and 10*100 all between 1.45-2minutes per set. So either i was still full of adrenaline while i was swimming, i was so shaken i didn't know i was swimming faster, or i have not been pushing myself hard at trainings. Of course i cheated a little and drafted the guy in front of me. But we took turns to lead. =) Well, will know better when i head to the pool myself. Then again, i have been doing many 200s in the last week. Just not been doing longer distances, which i probably will have to soon.. Hee..Best set for the 200s was 3min 49s and best set for 100s was 1min 45s. Will use that as my benchmark and push myself to complete all sets within this timing. Pity i can't sustain this pace for more then 200m though. My 3oo timing is about 6min 40s. Oh well, more training then. But i really think i have to put in more time running. Have been so slack the last two weeks. Did only a 8km run the whole week. =P
Time to hit the sack, and of course pray to GOD to thank him for watching over me =)
I looked down at my back trye and realised that i had a flat. Hmmm.. somewhere along the way, i must have rolled over something. Damn. But really, for 2 minutes there, i thought that was the end. Considering it was close to 7pm, roads were pretty packed. And not forgetting that on coming car. Whew...
Anyway, i was pretty shaken by it for a while. But decided to still head to the pool since there was nothing very much i could have done at that point of time. Was still shaken at the pool. Which was probably why i swam faster and harder then i normally do at trainings. Adrenaline? Maybe
Did 5*200m all below 4minutes per set and 10*100 all between 1.45-2minutes per set. So either i was still full of adrenaline while i was swimming, i was so shaken i didn't know i was swimming faster, or i have not been pushing myself hard at trainings. Of course i cheated a little and drafted the guy in front of me. But we took turns to lead. =) Well, will know better when i head to the pool myself. Then again, i have been doing many 200s in the last week. Just not been doing longer distances, which i probably will have to soon.. Hee..Best set for the 200s was 3min 49s and best set for 100s was 1min 45s. Will use that as my benchmark and push myself to complete all sets within this timing. Pity i can't sustain this pace for more then 200m though. My 3oo timing is about 6min 40s. Oh well, more training then. But i really think i have to put in more time running. Have been so slack the last two weeks. Did only a 8km run the whole week. =P
Time to hit the sack, and of course pray to GOD to thank him for watching over me =)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Lazy Weekend
It was a lazy weekend for me. Didn't train at all, decided to take some time off to catch up with friends, run errands, hang out with the folks, go shopping etc. Spent Saturday out with dad, brought him shopping for a new watch coz he lost his watch. Bought myself a new watch in the process as well.. Hee
My new Timex watch. =)
Only sad thing was that i had to attend a wake. Terence's mum passed away. And went over to pay our respects and just be with him.
Sunday was also rest day. Wanted to run initially, but each time i put on my running shoes, it started raining. Although only for a couple of minutes. So in the end, i took it on good faith that i was supposed to be resting and not working out. So, stayed in and chilled at home.
My new Timex watch. =)Only sad thing was that i had to attend a wake. Terence's mum passed away. And went over to pay our respects and just be with him.
Sunday was also rest day. Wanted to run initially, but each time i put on my running shoes, it started raining. Although only for a couple of minutes. So in the end, i took it on good faith that i was supposed to be resting and not working out. So, stayed in and chilled at home.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Mahjong Day!!
Went swimming yesterday. Did 4 sets of 400m. All in horrid times. Felt i was pushing harder, but didn't seem to be swimming any faster. Timings got progressively worse. Ended with doing 300m of kicking and 300m of arm pulling. Wanted to run after that, but was a hectic day after that so didn't managed to. Went back to office to settle clear the cases before the last call for CPF cases was enforced. Managed to put in 3 cases just this week alone. So i suppose if i really put my mind to working, it is possible to average 3 cases a week. Although it was 3 really small cases, i guess it's better then nothing. =)
After office, rushed home again to meet up with dad to head down to Turf Club to help him out. Was a good night last night in terms of business. Almost made it a perfect night with pictures of every race, except one. So, i guess both of us were in a pretty good mood. Just as we were about to leave, Jon called and asked if i could play mj. Thought it was really weird that they still wanted to play coz he called at 5pm to ask if i was free. Then told him i would be only done at 10ish. And he called again at 9 to ask if i could make it at 11p to play. Hmm.. thought about it for a short while before agreeing. Hands were itchy. Haven't played mj in almost 5 months. And it's usually pretty hard to find kakis now for mj.
Anyway, reached shop at about 11.15pm and realized that Jon wasn't going to be playing. So it was me, Ian, and two of his friends. One of his friends was a really slow player and the night really really dragged on. Sighz.. Anyway, the rounds took longer then usual coz of the slow player. Jon came back mid way in the 2nd round and wanted to play. So we agreed to play one more round just for him. I was really tired by then, but didn't want to be a wet blanket. Plus i didn't have any appointments today and didn't have to head back to office, so i figured it's alright. Was a mistake. Was so tired that i didn't see the tiles correctly. Ended up throwing out a tile that i told myself not to throw. Costly mistake. Set me back $40. Anyway, ended up losing last night. And mj ended at 7 this morning. Was so super duper tired when i was driving home. Could barely keep my eyes open. Was even worse since traffic is usually horrid in the morning.
Reached home, didn't even have the strength to eat, despite having my last meal at noon the day before. But really needed to collapse on my bed and chalk up some sleep time. I knew my plans for working out was basically screwed for the day. Slept till about noon, woke up, wanted to go swimming, but body was aching, eyes were still struggling to keep open, so decided to skip the pool workout and just go for lunch. After lunch, came back to settle some personal work, run some errands and decided i needed to take a nap before going for training in the evening. But alas, i woke up at 7pm and that was the end of my training plans.
Went for dinner with dad instead coz he was upset. Spent some time chatting with dad, before coming home. Conclusion is no more over nighters. Feels as bad as having a hangover. And i suppose now that i've got pretty fixed sleeping hours, staying up late basically screws up my whole bio clock. But it was great to meet up and play mahjong again after the long long break!
After office, rushed home again to meet up with dad to head down to Turf Club to help him out. Was a good night last night in terms of business. Almost made it a perfect night with pictures of every race, except one. So, i guess both of us were in a pretty good mood. Just as we were about to leave, Jon called and asked if i could play mj. Thought it was really weird that they still wanted to play coz he called at 5pm to ask if i was free. Then told him i would be only done at 10ish. And he called again at 9 to ask if i could make it at 11p to play. Hmm.. thought about it for a short while before agreeing. Hands were itchy. Haven't played mj in almost 5 months. And it's usually pretty hard to find kakis now for mj.
Anyway, reached shop at about 11.15pm and realized that Jon wasn't going to be playing. So it was me, Ian, and two of his friends. One of his friends was a really slow player and the night really really dragged on. Sighz.. Anyway, the rounds took longer then usual coz of the slow player. Jon came back mid way in the 2nd round and wanted to play. So we agreed to play one more round just for him. I was really tired by then, but didn't want to be a wet blanket. Plus i didn't have any appointments today and didn't have to head back to office, so i figured it's alright. Was a mistake. Was so tired that i didn't see the tiles correctly. Ended up throwing out a tile that i told myself not to throw. Costly mistake. Set me back $40. Anyway, ended up losing last night. And mj ended at 7 this morning. Was so super duper tired when i was driving home. Could barely keep my eyes open. Was even worse since traffic is usually horrid in the morning.
Reached home, didn't even have the strength to eat, despite having my last meal at noon the day before. But really needed to collapse on my bed and chalk up some sleep time. I knew my plans for working out was basically screwed for the day. Slept till about noon, woke up, wanted to go swimming, but body was aching, eyes were still struggling to keep open, so decided to skip the pool workout and just go for lunch. After lunch, came back to settle some personal work, run some errands and decided i needed to take a nap before going for training in the evening. But alas, i woke up at 7pm and that was the end of my training plans.
Went for dinner with dad instead coz he was upset. Spent some time chatting with dad, before coming home. Conclusion is no more over nighters. Feels as bad as having a hangover. And i suppose now that i've got pretty fixed sleeping hours, staying up late basically screws up my whole bio clock. But it was great to meet up and play mahjong again after the long long break!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Biking night
Whole day went well in general. In comparison to yesterday that is. Hee... But definitely feeling much better today!
Anyway, woke up early to try to fit in last night's missed swim session. Managed to hit the pool but didn't finish the work out. The swim just felt all wrong. Arm pull was horrid, kicking felt weird. I guess it could be due to the fact that i've hardly swam since the swimathon. I think like only 1 session from 2 fridays ago. Will make the effort to hit the pool more this week and see if the swim improves. But felt good just being in the water. So other then crappy swim, no complains there.
Went to meet the Trifam guys for biking in the evening. Arrived late, felt bad that everyone was already there and waiting to set off. Thank goodness one of the guys helped me pump up my tyres. If not, it would have probably taken me another 15 minutes. But he pumped the tyres with such ease. Better practice more on that as well. Eh, short ride tonight. Did a pseudo time trial. So more like maximum effort, minimum speed. The sort of training i like the best. Hee.. Even with running, i like track sessions best. Somehow, when doing speed workouts, training ends faster and earlier. Plus, you get to go back to the start point/end point faster. Was thinking about it, but maybe i don't like really long distances coz its too mental. Shorter distances doesn't let your mind wander. It's just pushing hard and you know that very soon, it's going to be over. Something like that lah.. Haa...
Anyway, finished the 2 loops of about 24km in 45min 55sec. I somehow felt it was probably shorter then 24km. Anyway, since it's the first time i've done it, i guess there is no basis of comparison. When i do it again, i'll know if i have improved. But one thing that pleased me was the average speed for that 20 plus kilometers, was a marked improvement from my previous rides. Was averaging 27.9km. Impressive even for myself. I so deserve a pat on the back.
Finished off with everyone riding in a group back. Sort of at least. I was still riding with Jerry. He's a great pacer. Went for a short run after biking. About 3km approx. Didn't really know coz i didn't have my ipod with me. Had stitches in the middle of the run. Somehow, i feel that every time i take big gulps of water before training, i get stitches. Maybe it's mental. Will test it out next couple of times and figure it out. This is no good.. I need the water, so i better condition my body to not get stitches. After i find out what is the cause of it of course.
Did slow run but definitely satisfied my craving to run. A couple of weeks back, i had a craving to swim. Everyday i had to hit the pool. If i didn't, i felt that something wasn't right. And now, i have the running craving. I guess sure beats having Ben and Jerry's craving any day. Short slow run, showered and off to dinner. Wasn't really hungry so the pathetic portion that the hawker gave was enough. I've finally felt inflation at it's worst. Price go up, portion goes down. Damn...
Once again, biking was a humbling experience. I still don't enjoy biking, but i definitely don't mind doing shorter distances like tonight. Eh.. looking forward to swimming and maybe hitting the track tomorrow evening to do intervals for running. Now, i really need to get my readings done before heading to bed. I'm actually quite tired after my fun filled day!
Anyway, woke up early to try to fit in last night's missed swim session. Managed to hit the pool but didn't finish the work out. The swim just felt all wrong. Arm pull was horrid, kicking felt weird. I guess it could be due to the fact that i've hardly swam since the swimathon. I think like only 1 session from 2 fridays ago. Will make the effort to hit the pool more this week and see if the swim improves. But felt good just being in the water. So other then crappy swim, no complains there.
Went to meet the Trifam guys for biking in the evening. Arrived late, felt bad that everyone was already there and waiting to set off. Thank goodness one of the guys helped me pump up my tyres. If not, it would have probably taken me another 15 minutes. But he pumped the tyres with such ease. Better practice more on that as well. Eh, short ride tonight. Did a pseudo time trial. So more like maximum effort, minimum speed. The sort of training i like the best. Hee.. Even with running, i like track sessions best. Somehow, when doing speed workouts, training ends faster and earlier. Plus, you get to go back to the start point/end point faster. Was thinking about it, but maybe i don't like really long distances coz its too mental. Shorter distances doesn't let your mind wander. It's just pushing hard and you know that very soon, it's going to be over. Something like that lah.. Haa...
Anyway, finished the 2 loops of about 24km in 45min 55sec. I somehow felt it was probably shorter then 24km. Anyway, since it's the first time i've done it, i guess there is no basis of comparison. When i do it again, i'll know if i have improved. But one thing that pleased me was the average speed for that 20 plus kilometers, was a marked improvement from my previous rides. Was averaging 27.9km. Impressive even for myself. I so deserve a pat on the back.
Finished off with everyone riding in a group back. Sort of at least. I was still riding with Jerry. He's a great pacer. Went for a short run after biking. About 3km approx. Didn't really know coz i didn't have my ipod with me. Had stitches in the middle of the run. Somehow, i feel that every time i take big gulps of water before training, i get stitches. Maybe it's mental. Will test it out next couple of times and figure it out. This is no good.. I need the water, so i better condition my body to not get stitches. After i find out what is the cause of it of course.
Did slow run but definitely satisfied my craving to run. A couple of weeks back, i had a craving to swim. Everyday i had to hit the pool. If i didn't, i felt that something wasn't right. And now, i have the running craving. I guess sure beats having Ben and Jerry's craving any day. Short slow run, showered and off to dinner. Wasn't really hungry so the pathetic portion that the hawker gave was enough. I've finally felt inflation at it's worst. Price go up, portion goes down. Damn...
Once again, biking was a humbling experience. I still don't enjoy biking, but i definitely don't mind doing shorter distances like tonight. Eh.. looking forward to swimming and maybe hitting the track tomorrow evening to do intervals for running. Now, i really need to get my readings done before heading to bed. I'm actually quite tired after my fun filled day!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A day gone wrong
I guess the title is a little over the top. But this was exactly how i felt today. Woke up feeling tired and sore from yesterday's bike ride. Decided not to run today or swim in the morning coz was looking to swim in the evening. Managed to drag my very tired body out of bed to get some work done. Settled some work in my home 'office' before heading out to run some errands. Was trying to cram as many things to get done as possible in the shortest time possible, but still have stuff left undone. Wanted to go buy cycling gloves for tomorrow's ride and pop by to borders to buy this book that i have been eyeing. But didn't even manage to hit town. Sighz. So by the time it was 3pm, i had to head to office to meet my manager coz he said be in office by 3pm.
I made it to office 5 minutes after 3pm. Ok, so i was late. But imagine my surprise when i stepped in and no one was around. Guess i wasn't feeling too bad about being late after that. But then, i was worried a replay of last week's 'meeting' would be replayed. So i texted my manager and he said he was on the way. Today is the 2nd experience of him saying he is on his way. And the next time he tells me he's on his way, i definitely won't believe it. Finally, at 4pm i saw him. I did my best to quickly finish my portion of the work so that i could pass it back to him and rush off. Because of my errands, i had taken the van out and i had to pick mum up from office. I figured if i leave office at about 5pm, i could safely make it to her office in time and get back home, drop her off, pick up my swimming gear and head to the pool. I was actually itching to swim!
At 4.30pm, i had cleared most of the stuff i had to do. Only needed to talk to him for 5 minutes to settle the rest of the stuff. Things were looking good at this point of time and i was certain i was on track. Could even fit in a smoke break and buy a latte from coffee bean before heading to town. But alas, life seems to enjoy throwing me curveballs. A new manager walked in at this point of time. My manager wanted to introduce us, coz in future, we would all be sharing the new temp office together. After the round of introductions were done and some talking cok in the process, it was close to 5pm. I was starting to get a little upset by then. So i asked him really nicely if we could just sit and talk about the cases for 5 minutes so that i could leave. I specifically mentioned that i had something on and had to leave office soon.
So, he said, ok, sat down and just as we were about to get started, our GM walked in. She said she would like to talk to us for a short while. And so, left with no choice, i excused myself to call mum to let her know i would be unable to pick her up. And i felt bad coz i know she's not well and all and normally when i take the van out, i would go pick her up from work. It's one of those non verbal agreements. Her short while was really impressive. The next time my phone rang and i had to go pick up the phone, it was 6.15pm. Dad called to ask if i had picked mum up coz it was pouring rather heavily. Boy did i feel bad at that point of time. Damn...
After i explained to him the situation in the least words possible, i hung up and returned back for the supposedly short meeting. She went on and on, and finally, my phone rang again. It was 7.15pm. One of the trifam guys were calling to see if i was heading to training since it was raining. ARGHhhh.. I knew then that there was no way i could make it back home, grab my swimming gear and head for training. And that irritated the hell out of me. I can't explain why, just that i was so certain i was going to swim tonight. And it was not the rain or me being sick that caused me to not swim, but because this lady can't stop talking. So much for her, ' I don't believe in talking much. I like meetings to be short and to the point. It is not my style to drag a meeting on, coz i know you all have stuff to do.' Seriously, she said this to me the last time i asked her how long her meetings were so i could budget time and know what time to fix my next appointment if i have meetings on that day.
Maybe that's the thing with female bosses. Or maybe that's the thing with managers in general. The no 1 criteria to be a manager is that you must love the sound of your voice more then any thing in this world. Either that or you have to repeat yourself 10 times like how the kindergarten teachers repeat themselves. Hey come on, we're all grown ups here and when you say something once, i can remember. You don't have to repeat it countless number of times. Anyway, we were almost done by 7.30pm when a new topic came up. I remembered thinking, is this ever going to end. And by then, dad had called again asking if i would be home soon so that they could go have dinner, or would i still take some time such that they would walk out for dinner.
I knew it was raining, so i asked both my manager and GM if it was alright to end the discussion soon. Both said it'll just take another 5 minutes and so that was what i told dad. But obviously some people have a very warped perception of time. By 8pm, we were still discussing whether there was a need for a copy of the ic for cpf cases. I distinctly remember that it is a MUST for all cases. GM says no need, claims that she has never submitted a copy of ic for any of her cases. Manager says its a MAS requirement. GM calls some agents who agree that there is no need. Manager calls some other people in the industry who say it is a MUST. No conclusion was reached. Underwriters had long gone home by then. I was wondering why the hell i was sitting there listening to the two of them argue when i could be at swimming training.
Finally at 8.30pm, with no conclusion, i told my manager if he had 5 minutes, i would like to talk to him and have to leave. My talk with him lasted 3 minutes and i was out of the office. Not before he told me that probably from April onwards, we will be also doing credit card sales on Saturday afternoons. One less weekend. And the classic statement that i have heard so many times over the years in this business is, you shouldn't complain that we have to work weekends. After all, you're not married and don't have children. DUH! Like that is a good reason to burn my weekends. Eh.. like i need my weekends so i can date and maybe get married and have children?!? But its a done deal. I asked to do it on weekdays, but apparently the rest of them are all for weekends. What's with all these married people? Maybe secretly, all of them regret getting married and it's a fine way to legitimately stay away from home or from chores on a Saturday. Time slot for credit card sales is 11am to 7pm. Sighz Like my day couldn't get any worse.
I finally left office a few minutes past 8.30pm, called home to say i was on the way home. No one picked up my call. Called dad on his hp, and he said they were out having dinner, almost done, asked if i wanted them to pack food, but decided to go to the pool to meet the trifam people for dinner and hopefully pick up my livestrong wristbands that i ordered. Dinner was probably the best thing. Hanging out with real and nice people was probably the highlight of the day. Thank goodness the day ended in a decently positive note.
But as i drove home, i can't help but question whether it was the right decision to stay when the others all left. I missed my old colleagues everyday. Did i mention that my whole team and the other team we're sharing the office with is all Indian. And i'm now famous in HSBC coz i'm the only Chinese in that Indian team. Let me first say i don't have a problem with races. I've had many Indian friends over the years. It's just that sometimes, when they forget and switch to Tamil, i really do feel out of place. And most of them have known each other for years, as they came from an external company, it seems like i'm sort of like a sore thumb. I don't understand the jokes they share, partly due to the fact it's usually in Tamil and for the life of me, i don't understand Tamil. =(
Someone once asked me why i stayed on in the industry. And if you asked around, there are only two main reasons why people stay in the business. One is for the money. The second is because of the manager. When neither of the two apply, where do i go from here? I've told myself that i'll give myself some time to adjust or maybe my mindset is all wrong from the start. That i need to tweak my mindset a little and i'll be off. But of late, even i have realized that i've lost the passion to sell. I've lost the motivation to head into office, to submit a case, to be around in office to meet with colleagues, chat a little etc... I feel like i'm drifting further and further away from land.. when all i want to do is head towards the land...
Maybe when i wake up, things will look a lot brighter.. *cross my fingers......Nitez
I made it to office 5 minutes after 3pm. Ok, so i was late. But imagine my surprise when i stepped in and no one was around. Guess i wasn't feeling too bad about being late after that. But then, i was worried a replay of last week's 'meeting' would be replayed. So i texted my manager and he said he was on the way. Today is the 2nd experience of him saying he is on his way. And the next time he tells me he's on his way, i definitely won't believe it. Finally, at 4pm i saw him. I did my best to quickly finish my portion of the work so that i could pass it back to him and rush off. Because of my errands, i had taken the van out and i had to pick mum up from office. I figured if i leave office at about 5pm, i could safely make it to her office in time and get back home, drop her off, pick up my swimming gear and head to the pool. I was actually itching to swim!
At 4.30pm, i had cleared most of the stuff i had to do. Only needed to talk to him for 5 minutes to settle the rest of the stuff. Things were looking good at this point of time and i was certain i was on track. Could even fit in a smoke break and buy a latte from coffee bean before heading to town. But alas, life seems to enjoy throwing me curveballs. A new manager walked in at this point of time. My manager wanted to introduce us, coz in future, we would all be sharing the new temp office together. After the round of introductions were done and some talking cok in the process, it was close to 5pm. I was starting to get a little upset by then. So i asked him really nicely if we could just sit and talk about the cases for 5 minutes so that i could leave. I specifically mentioned that i had something on and had to leave office soon.
So, he said, ok, sat down and just as we were about to get started, our GM walked in. She said she would like to talk to us for a short while. And so, left with no choice, i excused myself to call mum to let her know i would be unable to pick her up. And i felt bad coz i know she's not well and all and normally when i take the van out, i would go pick her up from work. It's one of those non verbal agreements. Her short while was really impressive. The next time my phone rang and i had to go pick up the phone, it was 6.15pm. Dad called to ask if i had picked mum up coz it was pouring rather heavily. Boy did i feel bad at that point of time. Damn...
After i explained to him the situation in the least words possible, i hung up and returned back for the supposedly short meeting. She went on and on, and finally, my phone rang again. It was 7.15pm. One of the trifam guys were calling to see if i was heading to training since it was raining. ARGHhhh.. I knew then that there was no way i could make it back home, grab my swimming gear and head for training. And that irritated the hell out of me. I can't explain why, just that i was so certain i was going to swim tonight. And it was not the rain or me being sick that caused me to not swim, but because this lady can't stop talking. So much for her, ' I don't believe in talking much. I like meetings to be short and to the point. It is not my style to drag a meeting on, coz i know you all have stuff to do.' Seriously, she said this to me the last time i asked her how long her meetings were so i could budget time and know what time to fix my next appointment if i have meetings on that day.
Maybe that's the thing with female bosses. Or maybe that's the thing with managers in general. The no 1 criteria to be a manager is that you must love the sound of your voice more then any thing in this world. Either that or you have to repeat yourself 10 times like how the kindergarten teachers repeat themselves. Hey come on, we're all grown ups here and when you say something once, i can remember. You don't have to repeat it countless number of times. Anyway, we were almost done by 7.30pm when a new topic came up. I remembered thinking, is this ever going to end. And by then, dad had called again asking if i would be home soon so that they could go have dinner, or would i still take some time such that they would walk out for dinner.
I knew it was raining, so i asked both my manager and GM if it was alright to end the discussion soon. Both said it'll just take another 5 minutes and so that was what i told dad. But obviously some people have a very warped perception of time. By 8pm, we were still discussing whether there was a need for a copy of the ic for cpf cases. I distinctly remember that it is a MUST for all cases. GM says no need, claims that she has never submitted a copy of ic for any of her cases. Manager says its a MAS requirement. GM calls some agents who agree that there is no need. Manager calls some other people in the industry who say it is a MUST. No conclusion was reached. Underwriters had long gone home by then. I was wondering why the hell i was sitting there listening to the two of them argue when i could be at swimming training.
Finally at 8.30pm, with no conclusion, i told my manager if he had 5 minutes, i would like to talk to him and have to leave. My talk with him lasted 3 minutes and i was out of the office. Not before he told me that probably from April onwards, we will be also doing credit card sales on Saturday afternoons. One less weekend. And the classic statement that i have heard so many times over the years in this business is, you shouldn't complain that we have to work weekends. After all, you're not married and don't have children. DUH! Like that is a good reason to burn my weekends. Eh.. like i need my weekends so i can date and maybe get married and have children?!? But its a done deal. I asked to do it on weekdays, but apparently the rest of them are all for weekends. What's with all these married people? Maybe secretly, all of them regret getting married and it's a fine way to legitimately stay away from home or from chores on a Saturday. Time slot for credit card sales is 11am to 7pm. Sighz Like my day couldn't get any worse.
I finally left office a few minutes past 8.30pm, called home to say i was on the way home. No one picked up my call. Called dad on his hp, and he said they were out having dinner, almost done, asked if i wanted them to pack food, but decided to go to the pool to meet the trifam people for dinner and hopefully pick up my livestrong wristbands that i ordered. Dinner was probably the best thing. Hanging out with real and nice people was probably the highlight of the day. Thank goodness the day ended in a decently positive note.
But as i drove home, i can't help but question whether it was the right decision to stay when the others all left. I missed my old colleagues everyday. Did i mention that my whole team and the other team we're sharing the office with is all Indian. And i'm now famous in HSBC coz i'm the only Chinese in that Indian team. Let me first say i don't have a problem with races. I've had many Indian friends over the years. It's just that sometimes, when they forget and switch to Tamil, i really do feel out of place. And most of them have known each other for years, as they came from an external company, it seems like i'm sort of like a sore thumb. I don't understand the jokes they share, partly due to the fact it's usually in Tamil and for the life of me, i don't understand Tamil. =(
Someone once asked me why i stayed on in the industry. And if you asked around, there are only two main reasons why people stay in the business. One is for the money. The second is because of the manager. When neither of the two apply, where do i go from here? I've told myself that i'll give myself some time to adjust or maybe my mindset is all wrong from the start. That i need to tweak my mindset a little and i'll be off. But of late, even i have realized that i've lost the passion to sell. I've lost the motivation to head into office, to submit a case, to be around in office to meet with colleagues, chat a little etc... I feel like i'm drifting further and further away from land.. when all i want to do is head towards the land...
Maybe when i wake up, things will look a lot brighter.. *cross my fingers......Nitez
Monday, March 24, 2008
My Good Friday weekend
It was an interesting weekend with friends from out of town here. I remember 2 years back where we went to Philippines and we were all out. And 2 years on, they are all here to meet up and chill out! We all met at Yan Bin's shop for dinner. Then after dinner we sat around, chilled out after the wives and children had gone back to the respective hotels to shower and pack. 3 families were leaving on the 9am flight, leaving only 1 family in Singapore. Then after sitting around for an hour or so, we split into 2 groups. Maurice and Jamie left to pick up some of the wives and children to go to Mustafa to do some last minute shopping, while Pic, myself brought Hansen, Edwin and Jos to Luna. It has been 4 months since i last went to this night sp0t and 4 mths can really make a huge difference. The Zzzz Monster came knocking at about 2am. And the best part was i fell asleep while the band was playing! Don't get me wrong, the band was fine. Music was great. I guess it was mainly due to the fact that by then, Yan Bin and Jamie had come to join us and i was no longer needed to play host any more. And so, while i was sitting there listening to the music, i became more and more tired.
(Clockwise from top left hand corner: 1) The families at Yan Bin's shop after dinner, 2) Jos, Me, Hansen and Edwin at Luna, 3) Two years back at Philippines with our friends and 4) The same gang but in Singapore this time.
Needless to say, i didn't manage to wake up to get to longhouse by 5.30am for the morning ride as i got home at like 4am. I had a short debate as to whether i should just stay awake and head out in 1/2 hr time. But i suppose my bed won out in the end! =) Didn't do beach swim as well coz by the time i woke up, it was 2pm. Maybe that's one of the reasons i don't party as hard anymore. I suppose something has to give. Spent the rest of the Saturday in a blur. Didn't help that it kept raining and thus stopping me from going out. But managed to clear up the room a little and put up the mirrors in my room! I now have mirrors which means i have no more excuse not to comb my hair before i head out!
Sunday came mighty early for me. Because i had slept way too much on Saturday, i woke up by 5am. Riding was supposed to be at 7.30am. Was worried if i go back to sleep, i would oversleep and miss training once again. And i wasn't ready to do so, coz i haven't been cycling much this week. So, got my ass out of bed, cleaned up, changed and decided to head to East Coast early. Went for an 8km run before meeting the guys to cycle. Pace of the run was much slower then i would have liked, but i guess i've never really been a morning person. At the same time, it was an slow easy run, which made sure i still had fresh legs for the biking part. Did about 70km, which is by far the longest biking trip i've done and although the slopes were a killer for me, i really did enjoy the rest of it. Coming downhill was great fun and damn 'shiok'.
Met some other athletes at F2 carpark and i'm very impressed by a lot of them. I think it takes a lot of dedication and commitment to stay in a sport that takes up a lot of your time. That's the difference between picking stamp collection as a hobby as compared to collecting finisher t-shirts as a hobby =P Went for lunch after that and finally head home for a nap before getting some work done! So all in all, it was a great Easter weekend for me.
(Clockwise from top left hand corner: 1) The families at Yan Bin's shop after dinner, 2) Jos, Me, Hansen and Edwin at Luna, 3) Two years back at Philippines with our friends and 4) The same gang but in Singapore this time.
Needless to say, i didn't manage to wake up to get to longhouse by 5.30am for the morning ride as i got home at like 4am. I had a short debate as to whether i should just stay awake and head out in 1/2 hr time. But i suppose my bed won out in the end! =) Didn't do beach swim as well coz by the time i woke up, it was 2pm. Maybe that's one of the reasons i don't party as hard anymore. I suppose something has to give. Spent the rest of the Saturday in a blur. Didn't help that it kept raining and thus stopping me from going out. But managed to clear up the room a little and put up the mirrors in my room! I now have mirrors which means i have no more excuse not to comb my hair before i head out!
Sunday came mighty early for me. Because i had slept way too much on Saturday, i woke up by 5am. Riding was supposed to be at 7.30am. Was worried if i go back to sleep, i would oversleep and miss training once again. And i wasn't ready to do so, coz i haven't been cycling much this week. So, got my ass out of bed, cleaned up, changed and decided to head to East Coast early. Went for an 8km run before meeting the guys to cycle. Pace of the run was much slower then i would have liked, but i guess i've never really been a morning person. At the same time, it was an slow easy run, which made sure i still had fresh legs for the biking part. Did about 70km, which is by far the longest biking trip i've done and although the slopes were a killer for me, i really did enjoy the rest of it. Coming downhill was great fun and damn 'shiok'.
Met some other athletes at F2 carpark and i'm very impressed by a lot of them. I think it takes a lot of dedication and commitment to stay in a sport that takes up a lot of your time. That's the difference between picking stamp collection as a hobby as compared to collecting finisher t-shirts as a hobby =P Went for lunch after that and finally head home for a nap before getting some work done! So all in all, it was a great Easter weekend for me.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Another day
Nothing much happened today. Nothing much to write. Nothing interesting happened, nothing got me up.
Conclusion, is i'm still a little down. Training was a short run, i think it was 7.5km. Not sure. Didn't bother to start my ipod. Did slope training today but didn't do all 5 slopes. Finished at 4, saving my legs for biking tomorrow morning. The long weekend should be interesting. Hansen, Lester and the boys are in town. Supposed to be out with them tonight partying, but i begged off coz i was quite tired. Will probably join them tomorrow evening for a wild night before they head back to philippines.
Funnily, the run today did nothing for me... Maybe tomorrow after my bike, i will go for a LSD and see if my mood improves.
Conclusion, is i'm still a little down. Training was a short run, i think it was 7.5km. Not sure. Didn't bother to start my ipod. Did slope training today but didn't do all 5 slopes. Finished at 4, saving my legs for biking tomorrow morning. The long weekend should be interesting. Hansen, Lester and the boys are in town. Supposed to be out with them tonight partying, but i begged off coz i was quite tired. Will probably join them tomorrow evening for a wild night before they head back to philippines.
Funnily, the run today did nothing for me... Maybe tomorrow after my bike, i will go for a LSD and see if my mood improves.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
A little down
It was a day of mixed feelings throughout the day. But in the end, the dark side won over. I woke up really early to head to office. Only to find out that the meeting got postponed from 10am to 4pm. Best part was no one informed me! How difficult is it to pass the message along where there are only 4 of us. Sigh. Then went to meet a friend for lunch. It was an interesting lunch i must say. New experience. So that got me up for a while. But only briefly. Somehow, something felt really wrong. And i just couldn't place my finger on it. Decided to head back home to get some work done before heading back to office again at 4pm. And while i was on my way home, i passed by Guardian's place. It's really weird. Everyday, on my way to office, and back, i will pass by his place. And for the last couple of months, i have not been bothered to look out for his car at his carpark. Or look up into his place. But somehow, today, while i was driving past, i slowed down some to see if i could spot his car at the carpark. I didn't. But yet, abt 5 minutes later, as it started to pour, i saw his car in the lane right next to mine. Talk about coincidence. There was definitely another girl in his car. And i guess it rubbed me in the wrong way. Yes i know, we broke off months ago. And yes i know, that we're better off not together. But i still can't seem to describe the series of feelings i went through when that happened. Anyway, i texted him to say hi, and he replied me by saying bye. Sighz.. I really dun know why he blows hot and cold constantly. Clueless. But he did call some time last week. Think he either heard from a friend that i was sick or read from my blog that i was sick. And he did call. And it was sweet while it lasted. I know i'm a sucker for him. But i really can't help it. =(
Of course his 'bye' sms affected me some. But i stuck to my guns and got some work done, doing my best to distract myself with the mountain of work that i had in front of me. Couldn't run or swim due to the rain. Finally at 3pm, i changed and decided to head back to office. When i got downstairs, just as i got into the car, my manager called to say the meeting will be moved to 5pm. And so, i went back upstairs once again to try to get more work done. But of course, since i had shut down my computer, my laptop and packed everything away from my table, i was in no mood whatsoever to get any work done. So i basically lazed around at home waiting for the hour to pass. And when i once again got ready to step out of the house, my manager called again. And ask if i could meet at 6pm instead. ARGHHHh
What bad time management on his part! What was i supposed to say? Anyway, i told him i was fine with the time, just that i had to be done by 8pm coz i had a dinner date already. And no way was i going to cancel on my dinner date.
So, it was finally 5.30pm, basically wasted 2 hours away, coz i switched on my computer and just got stuck in front of it reading some useful and some useless stuff. And guess what, at 5.30, he called once again to say he is still stuck with the stuff he was doing and wonders if i could meet tomorrow. Gee... He's the manager. Could i say NO?
So basically, my mood by then was already horrid. But kept telling myself that i had something nice to look forward to tonight. It's been a some time since someone asked me out for dinner and i actually looked forward to it. So, at 7.30pm, i got showered and got dressed once again, slapped on some make up and headed towards town to meet TG.
Only to have him text me as well to ask if we could meet at 8.30pm at our usual jap restaurant instead of at 8pm. Argh... why aren't people able to keep to their timings.. Since i was already on the way, i decided not to head back home and just sat at coffee bean to have a coffee and write some thoughts out. And at 8.25pm, i received TG's sms saying he is just leaving office. Sighz.. So waited some more and finally, he reached. By then it was close to 9pm and surprisingly, the jap rest was full. And he could still ask me why didn't i go in and try to get a seat first. Eh, first i look like an idiot waiting for you to turn up. Second, i always have to sit by myself waiting for you to turn up. Anyway, we decided to head to our other usual place for pasta instead.
it has been 86days since i last saw TG. Easy to count since i saw him last two days before Christmas. He has been really busy and so have i. And so, although we tried to meet up a couple of times, timings were always wrong and TG has a tendency to call at 5pm to ask for dinner at 8pm. And usually at 5pm, i have my plans pretty much laid out and confirmed already. So dinner was a nice simple affair that set him back about 80bucks. We spent some time chatting and catching up and there is something about him that i can never stay angry with him no matter how hard i tried.
Dinner was a salad, a pizza and calamari. Plus, really really good dessert. Of course i didn't have food in mind. I was more excited to see him and chat and catch up. I've honestly missed him. Not in the same way that i ache for Guardian. But i miss his presence in my life like a good friend or brother or uncle. I enjoy the times we spend and i always feel happier just seeing him. So why am i still down? Anyway, the dinner date went well. I'm cheating coz i know with TG it's not fair to call it a date. But what the heck... Dinner was fine, coffee was fine, dessert was fine, red wine was fine. So what went wrong?
He drove me back to pick up my car coz i left it parked at the jap place. And he asked, 'Are you going away this year?' Actually, this conversation started at dessert time. He asked. And so i said i thought it would be nice to head to bangkok this year rather then go back to Hong Kong again. Then he said, BKK is boring. So i suggested a couple more places and he was so super duper picky about the places. Finally, i asked him, why don't you decide where to go? And he said KL. And i said, didn't we just go KL last year for my bday? Can't we go somewhere different? Then i said, not like you are able to take a long leave to go away on a holiday together, so actually, BKK sounds good. Spend 2-3 days there and i can stay another 2-3 days and shop.
While we were in his car, he once again asked, so have you decided where and when you're going to take a trip this year? And so i asked him the same question i asked at dinner.. Are we going away for my birthday again this year? And he asked me if i wanted to have a party with friends instead? And so i asked the most obvious question that came in my head. Eh, can't we go away before that or after that and then still have a party and dinner with friends? Then he said he wanted to celebrate for me alone. So i said, oki, then we'll do the trip, and i'll celebrate with friends on my own. Just like what i did last year. Then he said, but you didn't have a party last year, you celebrated with Guardian last year. ARGHHHHH men..... So anyway, i told him, why don't you go check your schedule and let me know if you have any slots free so we can go away. And he asked me the question that irritated me the most. Eh, when in April is your bday? SIgh... So i told him, every year, you ask me when my bday is, not tired ar? Then he said i'm sure it's in my phone.. so the guy picks up his 3 phones, goes through them and says, i don't know why it is not there. Then ask me don't be so petty and tell him when my bday is.
Anyway, by then, i was already in a crappy mood, so i said, my bday is on a wed this year, thur is a public holiday, so effectively, if you take fri leave, and we leave on the night of my bday, we get a long weekend. So fly off on wed evening, back on Sunday. That gives us 4 solid days. But, i was irritated by then, and so when he said he would check, i said, forget it. I don't want to go away this year. Let's just have dinner if you remember.
Ok, i know i am very petty. And i am rather unreasonable. And it is totally not TG's fault that i had a rotten day and Guardian irritated me. I know he has and always is patient and takes most of my mood swings and crap. But somehow, today i just didn't feel like being nice and giving in.
Somehow, i feel i'm quite bad at handling my emotions. Especially when it involves Guardian or TG. Sometimes i wonder why TG puts up with me. In his words a long long time back, he said, i have to pick you up, bring you to dinner, pay for dinner, send you back and still take crap from you... Hee.. Oh well, maybe that's why i adore him.. coz he knows sometimes, i just want to have my way. And if he can give in to me, he would. And he forgets that i give him shit pretty fast.
Alright, going to bed now. Still very full though.. Just ramblings today coz i'm not in a very good mood. Tomorrow will probably be better... =)
Of course his 'bye' sms affected me some. But i stuck to my guns and got some work done, doing my best to distract myself with the mountain of work that i had in front of me. Couldn't run or swim due to the rain. Finally at 3pm, i changed and decided to head back to office. When i got downstairs, just as i got into the car, my manager called to say the meeting will be moved to 5pm. And so, i went back upstairs once again to try to get more work done. But of course, since i had shut down my computer, my laptop and packed everything away from my table, i was in no mood whatsoever to get any work done. So i basically lazed around at home waiting for the hour to pass. And when i once again got ready to step out of the house, my manager called again. And ask if i could meet at 6pm instead. ARGHHHh
What bad time management on his part! What was i supposed to say? Anyway, i told him i was fine with the time, just that i had to be done by 8pm coz i had a dinner date already. And no way was i going to cancel on my dinner date.
So, it was finally 5.30pm, basically wasted 2 hours away, coz i switched on my computer and just got stuck in front of it reading some useful and some useless stuff. And guess what, at 5.30, he called once again to say he is still stuck with the stuff he was doing and wonders if i could meet tomorrow. Gee... He's the manager. Could i say NO?
So basically, my mood by then was already horrid. But kept telling myself that i had something nice to look forward to tonight. It's been a some time since someone asked me out for dinner and i actually looked forward to it. So, at 7.30pm, i got showered and got dressed once again, slapped on some make up and headed towards town to meet TG.
Only to have him text me as well to ask if we could meet at 8.30pm at our usual jap restaurant instead of at 8pm. Argh... why aren't people able to keep to their timings.. Since i was already on the way, i decided not to head back home and just sat at coffee bean to have a coffee and write some thoughts out. And at 8.25pm, i received TG's sms saying he is just leaving office. Sighz.. So waited some more and finally, he reached. By then it was close to 9pm and surprisingly, the jap rest was full. And he could still ask me why didn't i go in and try to get a seat first. Eh, first i look like an idiot waiting for you to turn up. Second, i always have to sit by myself waiting for you to turn up. Anyway, we decided to head to our other usual place for pasta instead.
it has been 86days since i last saw TG. Easy to count since i saw him last two days before Christmas. He has been really busy and so have i. And so, although we tried to meet up a couple of times, timings were always wrong and TG has a tendency to call at 5pm to ask for dinner at 8pm. And usually at 5pm, i have my plans pretty much laid out and confirmed already. So dinner was a nice simple affair that set him back about 80bucks. We spent some time chatting and catching up and there is something about him that i can never stay angry with him no matter how hard i tried.
Dinner was a salad, a pizza and calamari. Plus, really really good dessert. Of course i didn't have food in mind. I was more excited to see him and chat and catch up. I've honestly missed him. Not in the same way that i ache for Guardian. But i miss his presence in my life like a good friend or brother or uncle. I enjoy the times we spend and i always feel happier just seeing him. So why am i still down? Anyway, the dinner date went well. I'm cheating coz i know with TG it's not fair to call it a date. But what the heck... Dinner was fine, coffee was fine, dessert was fine, red wine was fine. So what went wrong?
He drove me back to pick up my car coz i left it parked at the jap place. And he asked, 'Are you going away this year?' Actually, this conversation started at dessert time. He asked. And so i said i thought it would be nice to head to bangkok this year rather then go back to Hong Kong again. Then he said, BKK is boring. So i suggested a couple more places and he was so super duper picky about the places. Finally, i asked him, why don't you decide where to go? And he said KL. And i said, didn't we just go KL last year for my bday? Can't we go somewhere different? Then i said, not like you are able to take a long leave to go away on a holiday together, so actually, BKK sounds good. Spend 2-3 days there and i can stay another 2-3 days and shop.
While we were in his car, he once again asked, so have you decided where and when you're going to take a trip this year? And so i asked him the same question i asked at dinner.. Are we going away for my birthday again this year? And he asked me if i wanted to have a party with friends instead? And so i asked the most obvious question that came in my head. Eh, can't we go away before that or after that and then still have a party and dinner with friends? Then he said he wanted to celebrate for me alone. So i said, oki, then we'll do the trip, and i'll celebrate with friends on my own. Just like what i did last year. Then he said, but you didn't have a party last year, you celebrated with Guardian last year. ARGHHHHH men..... So anyway, i told him, why don't you go check your schedule and let me know if you have any slots free so we can go away. And he asked me the question that irritated me the most. Eh, when in April is your bday? SIgh... So i told him, every year, you ask me when my bday is, not tired ar? Then he said i'm sure it's in my phone.. so the guy picks up his 3 phones, goes through them and says, i don't know why it is not there. Then ask me don't be so petty and tell him when my bday is.
Anyway, by then, i was already in a crappy mood, so i said, my bday is on a wed this year, thur is a public holiday, so effectively, if you take fri leave, and we leave on the night of my bday, we get a long weekend. So fly off on wed evening, back on Sunday. That gives us 4 solid days. But, i was irritated by then, and so when he said he would check, i said, forget it. I don't want to go away this year. Let's just have dinner if you remember.
Ok, i know i am very petty. And i am rather unreasonable. And it is totally not TG's fault that i had a rotten day and Guardian irritated me. I know he has and always is patient and takes most of my mood swings and crap. But somehow, today i just didn't feel like being nice and giving in.
Somehow, i feel i'm quite bad at handling my emotions. Especially when it involves Guardian or TG. Sometimes i wonder why TG puts up with me. In his words a long long time back, he said, i have to pick you up, bring you to dinner, pay for dinner, send you back and still take crap from you... Hee.. Oh well, maybe that's why i adore him.. coz he knows sometimes, i just want to have my way. And if he can give in to me, he would. And he forgets that i give him shit pretty fast.
Alright, going to bed now. Still very full though.. Just ramblings today coz i'm not in a very good mood. Tomorrow will probably be better... =)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Cycling
Went to join the trifam people for a ride in the evening. It was a tough call for me really. Tuesday's my running day and cycling would mean i can't run with the TP people. Hmm.. But i figured i really needed to clock the mileage for my rides. Among the 3 disciplines, cycling's the toughest for me. Maybe coz i never used to ride before. So, i suppose, it made more sense for me to join a group to bike then to run. But i did manage a short run before riding. So i guess my ipod is pacified. It has not clocked any mileage for 3 weeks. Hee
Cycling was a very humbling experience. It was even worse then when i first started running or swimming. I was so far off the pack of cyclist that when i was just 1/4 way done, the rest were 3/4 way done. And i was pedaling as hard and as fast as i could. There were times where i felt my head was going to burst from the lack of oxygen going into my body. And the fastest speed i managed was just 31km/h. Lasted about a minute. Haa... I did my best, and i tried not to take any of the short cuts, although i probably did for my first round, coz i didn't know where to turn. And this guy told me to turn and i did. Will do better the following week i suppose.
It was a great workout really. Except at the back of my mind, i'm really wondering if it is possible to ever be as fast as those guys. How many times a week do they train? What kind of training do they do? Guess it's time to head to the bookstore or library and get some books specific to biking and find out more and incorporate it into my training. I figured it makes lots of sense coz in any triathlon race, from sprint, to OD, to ironman, the bike leg is really the longest. Need to work on getting my bike fitness up as well.
Was really thankful to Jerry for riding with me and watching my back. But honestly, i felt really bad. I better improve faster. If not, he is unlikely to get any better as well. He has been really motivating and encouraging from our runs at TP to my first cycling experience today with the ENR people. Well, i suppose we could always do with a few more people like him in this world. And yet, i feel bad coz when people show up for training, they generally want to push themselves so that they get better. If he is constantly riding slow just so he can watch my back or take care of me in both cycling and running, then i guess it's not really fair to him. ARGHHHHH.. better train harder. Will head to borders or kino tomorrow and see if i can find anything about biking. I'm totally clueless. Not even sure which gears i should engage.
Went for dinner with some of them after cycling. Lots and lots of food it was scary. Then again, i'm one of those weird people that usually don't have appetite after training. But when i get back home and lie on my bed, like Now, i feel hungry.. =P Anyway, all in all, i had fun. It was refreshing, humbling and a great experience. Will i go back for more? Probably. If i can get the van....
Cycling was a very humbling experience. It was even worse then when i first started running or swimming. I was so far off the pack of cyclist that when i was just 1/4 way done, the rest were 3/4 way done. And i was pedaling as hard and as fast as i could. There were times where i felt my head was going to burst from the lack of oxygen going into my body. And the fastest speed i managed was just 31km/h. Lasted about a minute. Haa... I did my best, and i tried not to take any of the short cuts, although i probably did for my first round, coz i didn't know where to turn. And this guy told me to turn and i did. Will do better the following week i suppose.
It was a great workout really. Except at the back of my mind, i'm really wondering if it is possible to ever be as fast as those guys. How many times a week do they train? What kind of training do they do? Guess it's time to head to the bookstore or library and get some books specific to biking and find out more and incorporate it into my training. I figured it makes lots of sense coz in any triathlon race, from sprint, to OD, to ironman, the bike leg is really the longest. Need to work on getting my bike fitness up as well.
Was really thankful to Jerry for riding with me and watching my back. But honestly, i felt really bad. I better improve faster. If not, he is unlikely to get any better as well. He has been really motivating and encouraging from our runs at TP to my first cycling experience today with the ENR people. Well, i suppose we could always do with a few more people like him in this world. And yet, i feel bad coz when people show up for training, they generally want to push themselves so that they get better. If he is constantly riding slow just so he can watch my back or take care of me in both cycling and running, then i guess it's not really fair to him. ARGHHHHH.. better train harder. Will head to borders or kino tomorrow and see if i can find anything about biking. I'm totally clueless. Not even sure which gears i should engage.
Went for dinner with some of them after cycling. Lots and lots of food it was scary. Then again, i'm one of those weird people that usually don't have appetite after training. But when i get back home and lie on my bed, like Now, i feel hungry.. =P Anyway, all in all, i had fun. It was refreshing, humbling and a great experience. Will i go back for more? Probably. If i can get the van....
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Raffles Girl
Went for swimming training this evening. Did 1*300m, then 4*350m. Followed by 4*50m (25m choice stroke, 25m free) 70% effort. And end of training!
But a statement was made during training today by one of the swimmers. Actually it's the first time i saw her at training. Other then knowing that she is rather good, and a national athlete, i do not know her all that well. But one thing we had in common was that she was a Raffles girl. During training, while we were chatting in the middle of a set, she made this comment. How come the rest time is more then the swim. Frankly speaking, i would suppose a statement like this would piss some people off. But as with everything, i see two sides of the coin here.
To speak for her, i would totally agree with her. Training is just training. What's the purpose of going for training? To work out and get better at whichever sport we do. And if, at training, you're not pushing yourself hard, then obviously you won't see results or improvements. Or you might see results eventually, but with a longer time frame and curve. So i guess if i put myself in the shoes of a serious athlete, who came down to train, then i would be pissed as well. And i would be rather upset that here are bunch of athletes who are spending more time talking then swimming. Probably like how i felt after one of the beach swim session we had.
To speak against her, then i suppose she could have choosen to swim in another lane if she felt that we were not all that serious about training. I guess to a certain degree, i felt it was disrespectful to be saying that to the coach, given the circumstances of which this training was about. Here was a guy, who gave his time freely, to get a group of people together to train. And he doesn't even get paid. He does it out of his own good will. So, i suppose if she was unhappy, she could have left at any time or not turn up for swims in future.
But i guess the incident was carried over to dinner where we did touch a little about the Raffles girl. Xiao Ying and I are both from Raffles. And there is a part of me that can really understand why she said what she did. I suppose it stems out from the fact that i went through a Raffles education program. In school, we were thought to think and more importantly, to speak up when things weren't right. We were thought to do our best in whatever we chose to do. At trainings, i remember we pushed ourselves hard. There was no such thing as failing. I remember in sec3, when we were training for cross country, the team would get together to run before school starts. And that was like at 6.30 in the morning, so that we could clock at least 5km before morning assembly. And we did that not because our coach asked us to, but because we all wanted to win.
Excuses and slacking off wasn't tolerated. And everyone had a high standard that we aimed to achieve. That was also the year where we felt that we had a remote chance of winning the cross country title. But that was how we were brought up to think.
And so, the Raffles education really brought out the best in most of us. And that is evident from the number of high flyers we see and the high number of people who succeed in their own field. It was being told that we were the best, the cream of the crop, that we would one day be very successful and we were all going to be leaders in our own field. More importantly, it was a point that was driven home by almost every teacher we had. Daughters of a better age. But i guess what was flawed in the Raffles program was that we weren't taught to be empathetic. We weren't thought to be considerate to the feelings of others and those around us. Being empathetic was a sign of weakness. Was there really ever a good reason for not doing as well as expected? Was it merely an EXCUSE? And while we were taught to be the best, we forget that around us, there are those who are not as fortunate as us girls. There are those whom, if given the right opportunity and chance, might be better then us. But the flip side is, we generally think we worked our ass off for it anyway.
So, i guess the debate will always carry on. For myself, i have toned down a lot since my secondary school days. I'm no longer as arrogant only because i have come to understand that there will always be a bigger fish out there. I can be the biggest fish in my little pond, but when i move to a bigger pond, there will be a bigger fish. And often, it is better to be humble, and to learn from others. Pick out the stuff that you like and improve on them, and discard those that you don't like. And being empathetic is not an excuse for me. It is being able to understand the situation and circumstances that others are in. Of course, it doesn't stop me from giving my best coz as long as i carry on and not tolerate excuses from myself, and set my standards high, i can still be great at what i do.
To end this note, i need to clarify that i have totally enjoyed my Raffles education. And if i could go back in time, i wouldn't change it for the world. If i have kids one day, i would want to put them through the same education i received if i had a chance. But of course, i would also teach them about dealing with people. And failing once does not mean being a failure for life. And that end of the day, it is one thing to be successful, great, talented, smart etc, and yet, it is still important to be humble and willing to learn and listen to others.
But a statement was made during training today by one of the swimmers. Actually it's the first time i saw her at training. Other then knowing that she is rather good, and a national athlete, i do not know her all that well. But one thing we had in common was that she was a Raffles girl. During training, while we were chatting in the middle of a set, she made this comment. How come the rest time is more then the swim. Frankly speaking, i would suppose a statement like this would piss some people off. But as with everything, i see two sides of the coin here.
To speak for her, i would totally agree with her. Training is just training. What's the purpose of going for training? To work out and get better at whichever sport we do. And if, at training, you're not pushing yourself hard, then obviously you won't see results or improvements. Or you might see results eventually, but with a longer time frame and curve. So i guess if i put myself in the shoes of a serious athlete, who came down to train, then i would be pissed as well. And i would be rather upset that here are bunch of athletes who are spending more time talking then swimming. Probably like how i felt after one of the beach swim session we had.
To speak against her, then i suppose she could have choosen to swim in another lane if she felt that we were not all that serious about training. I guess to a certain degree, i felt it was disrespectful to be saying that to the coach, given the circumstances of which this training was about. Here was a guy, who gave his time freely, to get a group of people together to train. And he doesn't even get paid. He does it out of his own good will. So, i suppose if she was unhappy, she could have left at any time or not turn up for swims in future.
But i guess the incident was carried over to dinner where we did touch a little about the Raffles girl. Xiao Ying and I are both from Raffles. And there is a part of me that can really understand why she said what she did. I suppose it stems out from the fact that i went through a Raffles education program. In school, we were thought to think and more importantly, to speak up when things weren't right. We were thought to do our best in whatever we chose to do. At trainings, i remember we pushed ourselves hard. There was no such thing as failing. I remember in sec3, when we were training for cross country, the team would get together to run before school starts. And that was like at 6.30 in the morning, so that we could clock at least 5km before morning assembly. And we did that not because our coach asked us to, but because we all wanted to win.
Excuses and slacking off wasn't tolerated. And everyone had a high standard that we aimed to achieve. That was also the year where we felt that we had a remote chance of winning the cross country title. But that was how we were brought up to think.
And so, the Raffles education really brought out the best in most of us. And that is evident from the number of high flyers we see and the high number of people who succeed in their own field. It was being told that we were the best, the cream of the crop, that we would one day be very successful and we were all going to be leaders in our own field. More importantly, it was a point that was driven home by almost every teacher we had. Daughters of a better age. But i guess what was flawed in the Raffles program was that we weren't taught to be empathetic. We weren't thought to be considerate to the feelings of others and those around us. Being empathetic was a sign of weakness. Was there really ever a good reason for not doing as well as expected? Was it merely an EXCUSE? And while we were taught to be the best, we forget that around us, there are those who are not as fortunate as us girls. There are those whom, if given the right opportunity and chance, might be better then us. But the flip side is, we generally think we worked our ass off for it anyway.
So, i guess the debate will always carry on. For myself, i have toned down a lot since my secondary school days. I'm no longer as arrogant only because i have come to understand that there will always be a bigger fish out there. I can be the biggest fish in my little pond, but when i move to a bigger pond, there will be a bigger fish. And often, it is better to be humble, and to learn from others. Pick out the stuff that you like and improve on them, and discard those that you don't like. And being empathetic is not an excuse for me. It is being able to understand the situation and circumstances that others are in. Of course, it doesn't stop me from giving my best coz as long as i carry on and not tolerate excuses from myself, and set my standards high, i can still be great at what i do.
To end this note, i need to clarify that i have totally enjoyed my Raffles education. And if i could go back in time, i wouldn't change it for the world. If i have kids one day, i would want to put them through the same education i received if i had a chance. But of course, i would also teach them about dealing with people. And failing once does not mean being a failure for life. And that end of the day, it is one thing to be successful, great, talented, smart etc, and yet, it is still important to be humble and willing to learn and listen to others.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sundown Swimathon
Sundown Swimathon was an event held by NTU lifesaving corp for Charity. And i was there! Yup! The swim event started out at with dinner at 8pm, and the briefing at 8.45pm. We were flagged off at 10pm for the start of the swim. Supposed to last till 7am in the morning. So it was a 9hr swim session. We registered ourselves as the Tanjong Beach Swim Team, with team members from Trifam.
Team Tanjong Beach (left to right): Chen Munn, Me, Ling Er, Andy, Toh Min
Our group was really a mix a match really. And prior to the event, we had two swimmers pull out. Luckily for us, Andy and Ling Er stepped up to the challenge if not, we would not have been able to take part at all. So the plan was for us to take turns to swim and finish as many laps as possible. Our initial target was to do 20km as a team, that means each of us were supposed to do 4km. Our primary aim was to complete the event and have fun! We were definitely not a very competitive team.
It was a first experience for all of us, swimming through the night, and doing so many laps in one session. But we're glad we completed it and all had fun.
Started out with doing 500m sets. So it was 10 laps each, before the next swimmer takes over. Munn started as the first swimmer, Ling Er carried on, then Toh Min, Myself and finally Andy. The first 10 laps was probably everyone's slowest split. But we took it as a warm up and carried on. We got better and by the time it was 00:30hrs, we had completed 69 laps between us. That worked out to about 6.9km. At that time, there was a leaderboard, and we were 3rd from below. There was a total of 16 teams that took part, so we were 14th at 00:30hrs. And as the night wore on, many were starting to tire. We were starting to get hit by the Zzzz monster when it was close to 3am. And at 3am, the next set of laps were being counted. We were still 3rd from the back and we managed to do 68 more laps in that 2 1/2 hrs. So at that time, we already knew we were on target to complete the goal which we had set for ourselves.
And i'm super proud of my team. Coz in the next 2 1/2 hrs when everyone was super tired and really struggling to keep awake, we managed to up our pace and did even more laps. We did change our strategy though, as we noticed that it was getting colder and some were being to feel more tired. So, we did sets of 400m, then 300m then 200m. And we played around with the numbers so that it would not be as boring. And finally, when 7am came, our team as a whole had completed 24.4km. Ahead of the target we had set for ourselves. Munn, Ling Er and myself had swam 5km each and Andy and Toh Min both did 4.7km. So, everyone had managed to swim more laps then when we had targeted. Our final position was 13 out of 16 teams!
Pictures courtesy of Janice our only supporter who doubled up as our photographer!
I had a great time at the swimathon. It surely was an experience for me and for some of the other team members. Swimming at night is no joke. The air was cold, especially since it has been raining for the last week. The water was cold at 2am in the morning. We were not only fighting with muscle fatigue, we had to fight the Zzzz monster off. And we still managed to do better then our set target. Great job guys!
Some things i would probably like to improve on for myself is my swim technique and also my endurance underwater. But for now, a good job well done everyone!
Team Tanjong Beach (left to right): Chen Munn, Me, Ling Er, Andy, Toh Min
Our group was really a mix a match really. And prior to the event, we had two swimmers pull out. Luckily for us, Andy and Ling Er stepped up to the challenge if not, we would not have been able to take part at all. So the plan was for us to take turns to swim and finish as many laps as possible. Our initial target was to do 20km as a team, that means each of us were supposed to do 4km. Our primary aim was to complete the event and have fun! We were definitely not a very competitive team.
It was a first experience for all of us, swimming through the night, and doing so many laps in one session. But we're glad we completed it and all had fun.
Started out with doing 500m sets. So it was 10 laps each, before the next swimmer takes over. Munn started as the first swimmer, Ling Er carried on, then Toh Min, Myself and finally Andy. The first 10 laps was probably everyone's slowest split. But we took it as a warm up and carried on. We got better and by the time it was 00:30hrs, we had completed 69 laps between us. That worked out to about 6.9km. At that time, there was a leaderboard, and we were 3rd from below. There was a total of 16 teams that took part, so we were 14th at 00:30hrs. And as the night wore on, many were starting to tire. We were starting to get hit by the Zzzz monster when it was close to 3am. And at 3am, the next set of laps were being counted. We were still 3rd from the back and we managed to do 68 more laps in that 2 1/2 hrs. So at that time, we already knew we were on target to complete the goal which we had set for ourselves.
And i'm super proud of my team. Coz in the next 2 1/2 hrs when everyone was super tired and really struggling to keep awake, we managed to up our pace and did even more laps. We did change our strategy though, as we noticed that it was getting colder and some were being to feel more tired. So, we did sets of 400m, then 300m then 200m. And we played around with the numbers so that it would not be as boring. And finally, when 7am came, our team as a whole had completed 24.4km. Ahead of the target we had set for ourselves. Munn, Ling Er and myself had swam 5km each and Andy and Toh Min both did 4.7km. So, everyone had managed to swim more laps then when we had targeted. Our final position was 13 out of 16 teams!
Pictures courtesy of Janice our only supporter who doubled up as our photographer!
I had a great time at the swimathon. It surely was an experience for me and for some of the other team members. Swimming at night is no joke. The air was cold, especially since it has been raining for the last week. The water was cold at 2am in the morning. We were not only fighting with muscle fatigue, we had to fight the Zzzz monster off. And we still managed to do better then our set target. Great job guys!
Some things i would probably like to improve on for myself is my swim technique and also my endurance underwater. But for now, a good job well done everyone!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Updates
Its been days since i last blogged and have missed doing so. Thought i'll drop in to give a couple of updates. No training this whole week as yet because of the dreaded rain. I am slightly irritated by it right now. How can it rain for 2 days non-stop in March? That is so wrong. Was sharing with some friends whom i met for dinner last night that i used to be able to ride my bike from March to Novemeber minus the occassional rain. Last year, from July onwards, i didn't ride as much coz the weather was mostly unpredictable. No more sunny days! And that gets me upset! I love sunny days. Don't mind running, swimming, biking and riding my baby in the scorching sun. But the rain... Oh.... Irritating. Although truth be told, if not for the fact that i just recovered from flu, i quite enjoy running when it drizzles. The feeling of the rain lightly tapping on me has a calming effect. And not only that, the air always smells fresher when rain is around the corner.
But with the swimathon coming on Friday, i'm worried that i have not been swimming all week coz of the rain. For the record, i know i am going to get wet eventually when i plunge into the pool and swim, so it doesn't really matter if it's raining or sunny. But it generally feels colder when it rains. And that's why i always make it a point to swim on sunny days. Of course, if the rain persists, i might just FORCE myself to go to the pool later. Guess if this keeps up, there'll be no run this evening as well. Haven't ran for close to 2 weeks. This is unacceptable. Sighz
Met the Samba kids for dinner last night. Actually not really Samba kids. about 7 of us turned up for dinner, Xuan, Jiahui, Suan, Banz, Debs, Dylan and myself. It was a nice catching up session. More so coz Debs just announced that she is pregnant. And i had a great time catching up with little sis Xuan as always =)
Samba girls(3 of us anyway)
Then went off to meet the guys and girl who would be doing the swimathon together this Friday. Settled some logistics stuff and basically just had a discussion on what to bring, wear and food that we need. Keeping my fingers crossed and will be praying hard for it to not be raining tomorrow evening. Already swimming in the night would mean lower temperatures. And cold is something that i'm not very good with. I'll still swim of course, but nothing beats having a nice weather.
So basically, that has been the week as a whole. Moved more stuff back from office over week and set up shop at home. There's a major reshuffling going on in office and have been told that in the not so far future, we would be moving office. Our current room is going to be acquired by another team. And everyone shares tables in the new office coz there's too many people and too little space. So i figured, basically, i go into office just to print stuff and submit cases. Other then that, i don't spend all that much time there. Why not buy a printer, bring the laptop home, and i can effectively work at home. So when i went to the IT fair on Sunday, i bought myself the same printer that i use in office, and now i can safely say i can work from home. Will take a picture of the revamped room later. Once i manage to pack everything up properly.
Well, that's about it for Sunday till today. Will post pics up later.
But with the swimathon coming on Friday, i'm worried that i have not been swimming all week coz of the rain. For the record, i know i am going to get wet eventually when i plunge into the pool and swim, so it doesn't really matter if it's raining or sunny. But it generally feels colder when it rains. And that's why i always make it a point to swim on sunny days. Of course, if the rain persists, i might just FORCE myself to go to the pool later. Guess if this keeps up, there'll be no run this evening as well. Haven't ran for close to 2 weeks. This is unacceptable. Sighz
Met the Samba kids for dinner last night. Actually not really Samba kids. about 7 of us turned up for dinner, Xuan, Jiahui, Suan, Banz, Debs, Dylan and myself. It was a nice catching up session. More so coz Debs just announced that she is pregnant. And i had a great time catching up with little sis Xuan as always =)
Samba girls(3 of us anyway)Then went off to meet the guys and girl who would be doing the swimathon together this Friday. Settled some logistics stuff and basically just had a discussion on what to bring, wear and food that we need. Keeping my fingers crossed and will be praying hard for it to not be raining tomorrow evening. Already swimming in the night would mean lower temperatures. And cold is something that i'm not very good with. I'll still swim of course, but nothing beats having a nice weather.
So basically, that has been the week as a whole. Moved more stuff back from office over week and set up shop at home. There's a major reshuffling going on in office and have been told that in the not so far future, we would be moving office. Our current room is going to be acquired by another team. And everyone shares tables in the new office coz there's too many people and too little space. So i figured, basically, i go into office just to print stuff and submit cases. Other then that, i don't spend all that much time there. Why not buy a printer, bring the laptop home, and i can effectively work at home. So when i went to the IT fair on Sunday, i bought myself the same printer that i use in office, and now i can safely say i can work from home. Will take a picture of the revamped room later. Once i manage to pack everything up properly.
Well, that's about it for Sunday till today. Will post pics up later.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Fav verse
Have been meaning to put this up for the longest of time. Not sure if i've ever put this on my blog. But i remember this used to be my favorite verse while i was in competitive sports.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
And young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the LORD
Will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary,
And young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the LORD
Will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:30-31
IT fair
Woke up late in the morning and decided to head with Dad to the IT show at Suntec. Despite his warnings, i decided to try my luck at Suntec to see if there would be parking lots. And while we were coming down Sheares Bridge, i knew it was a mistake! But managed to cut out to head towards Bugis after 10 mins. So it wasn't really too bad. Found a lot, and walked over to Suntec instead. Decided to give ourselves 4 hours and i remembered telling dad, it was more then sufficient to finish seeing the show.
Grabbed lunch quickly and headed to the convention centre! Oh my, it was so swamped with people it was scary. But all in all, we still managed to walk around despite the crowd. And 3.5 hours was really not enough to cover the whole place. But i did managed to buy myself a laser printer and a digital camera.
My new toy!
Grabbed lunch quickly and headed to the convention centre! Oh my, it was so swamped with people it was scary. But all in all, we still managed to walk around despite the crowd. And 3.5 hours was really not enough to cover the whole place. But i did managed to buy myself a laser printer and a digital camera.
My new toy!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
The Water Horse
Went to catch a movie last night at Marina Square! Has been a while since i last watched a movie. Maybe the last time i caught a show was in November 2007? Hee. After i came home from the Tanjong Beach swim and morning cycle, i slept for like 4 hours. Then woke up around dinner time and decided that i really wanted to go out and catch up with friends. Something that i have not been doing for a long time already. So i texted Superman to find out just what they were up to and decided to go watch a movie together.
The movie was pretty interesting, and heart warming. Although the ending was a little off from my expectations. Not as in a twist sort of thing, but rather it was a little anti climax. Anyway, it talks about a little boy, finding an egg, that hatches into the water horse. And a friendship is forged between these two unlikely duo. I guess what was sweet in the show was the contrast of how such a huge creature was actually very gentle.
Headed back to chill out and chat with Superman and wife after that before heading home. All in all, i would say it was a nice break and enjoyable activity after not watching movies for a while. =)
The movie was pretty interesting, and heart warming. Although the ending was a little off from my expectations. Not as in a twist sort of thing, but rather it was a little anti climax. Anyway, it talks about a little boy, finding an egg, that hatches into the water horse. And a friendship is forged between these two unlikely duo. I guess what was sweet in the show was the contrast of how such a huge creature was actually very gentle.
Headed back to chill out and chat with Superman and wife after that before heading home. All in all, i would say it was a nice break and enjoyable activity after not watching movies for a while. =)
Saturday, March 08, 2008
The week on a whole
Was sick, so missed Singapore Biathlon. The week on a whole was crappy. The flu refused to go away, so i was forced to take and extended break from training. Which irritated me to no end, coz i kept thinking all the hard work the past couple of months has effectively gone down the drain. Sighz...
Had my first agency meeting this week. Tues i think. Wasn't too bad. In fact i was rather looking forward to it. Which was funny coz i've never thought i would miss agency meetings. But it was good coz we've finally sat down and talked, i've finally found out who my new colleagues are. 4 of us in the team so far. And i'm the only Chinese. The rest are Indians. I'm sure this is God's way of teaching me to be tolerant of other races =P
I've also sorted out my clothes cupboard, went IKEA and bought some stuff to organize the cupboard, all my clothes fit nicely now and there is no longer a mess from the previous 'too-small' cupboard.
Bought my cleats and cycling shoes. Went for a cycle the other day. Was damn worried i would fall down, but didn't. Thank goodness. Went for a long ride this morning as well. Eh, my long ride is like 30km. From home, to bukit batok swimming pool, up bukit batok, to jalan jurong kechil, to dunearn road, to leonie road, to thomson road, to mandai, pass the zoo, pass by hillview before turning into bukit batok road again, and home. The roads were clear, as compared to the other day when i rode in the evening. Anyway, i woke up at 3.45am, left my place at 4.20am, and reached home by 7 am. Need to speed up, i just pray hard that cycling is like swimming and running. Mileage, mileage, mileage!
Was supposed to close a case this week. Last minute, the guy backed out! So i'm a couple of cases short for last month. Coz this guy was supposed to get 3 policies. One endowment, one insurance and his CPF investment. Sigh. Need to watch this roll over effect. If this keeps on, i'm going to have a huge shortfall towards the end of the year again.
Went for Tanjong Beach swim this morning. As usual, company was great! But, i suppose when company is good, you tend to spend more time talking then training and that is how i feel training went today! Every lap we did, we took almost a 10min break, coz people were chatting.. Sighz... Finished 6 laps, with lots of rest in between!
Nothing much left for this week i suppose.
Doing a charity swim next Fri evening to Sat morning! 10pm to 7am. To raise funds for the Singapore Children's Society. Team of 5 person to take turns to swim continuously! Should be fun i guess and still be able to play my part for charity.
Another wedding to attend next week!
Had my first agency meeting this week. Tues i think. Wasn't too bad. In fact i was rather looking forward to it. Which was funny coz i've never thought i would miss agency meetings. But it was good coz we've finally sat down and talked, i've finally found out who my new colleagues are. 4 of us in the team so far. And i'm the only Chinese. The rest are Indians. I'm sure this is God's way of teaching me to be tolerant of other races =P
I've also sorted out my clothes cupboard, went IKEA and bought some stuff to organize the cupboard, all my clothes fit nicely now and there is no longer a mess from the previous 'too-small' cupboard.
Bought my cleats and cycling shoes. Went for a cycle the other day. Was damn worried i would fall down, but didn't. Thank goodness. Went for a long ride this morning as well. Eh, my long ride is like 30km. From home, to bukit batok swimming pool, up bukit batok, to jalan jurong kechil, to dunearn road, to leonie road, to thomson road, to mandai, pass the zoo, pass by hillview before turning into bukit batok road again, and home. The roads were clear, as compared to the other day when i rode in the evening. Anyway, i woke up at 3.45am, left my place at 4.20am, and reached home by 7 am. Need to speed up, i just pray hard that cycling is like swimming and running. Mileage, mileage, mileage!
Was supposed to close a case this week. Last minute, the guy backed out! So i'm a couple of cases short for last month. Coz this guy was supposed to get 3 policies. One endowment, one insurance and his CPF investment. Sigh. Need to watch this roll over effect. If this keeps on, i'm going to have a huge shortfall towards the end of the year again.
Went for Tanjong Beach swim this morning. As usual, company was great! But, i suppose when company is good, you tend to spend more time talking then training and that is how i feel training went today! Every lap we did, we took almost a 10min break, coz people were chatting.. Sighz... Finished 6 laps, with lots of rest in between!
Nothing much left for this week i suppose.
Doing a charity swim next Fri evening to Sat morning! 10pm to 7am. To raise funds for the Singapore Children's Society. Team of 5 person to take turns to swim continuously! Should be fun i guess and still be able to play my part for charity.
Another wedding to attend next week!
Monday, March 03, 2008
Pissed with myself
I'm so absolutely pissed with myself. Of all days, i had to wake up in the morning with a stuffed nose and coughing my lungs out! I missed the Singapore Biathlon. And i was so looking forward to it. Why i fell sick? I guess i could come up with a couple of reasons off the top of my head. Not enough sleep and rest. The fact that i was constantly tired would have been indication to me that my body was stressed and needed rest. Maybe it was being garang and wanting to complete the 9km run in the rain on Thursday even when i knew i was already feeling a little unwell, rather then turning back and avoiding the rain. Hmmm
Wonder which was it. But all in all, i'm damn pissed off with myself coz there are no more biathlons for this year. Until end of the year for NIE biathlon. Sighz... Oh well, maybe a good time to improve my run and swim and to get the biking right.
Have been in bed all weekend, might go see the doctor tomorrow if the symptoms still persist. Damn i hate being sick!
Wonder which was it. But all in all, i'm damn pissed off with myself coz there are no more biathlons for this year. Until end of the year for NIE biathlon. Sighz... Oh well, maybe a good time to improve my run and swim and to get the biking right.
Have been in bed all weekend, might go see the doctor tomorrow if the symptoms still persist. Damn i hate being sick!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Target for Singapore Biathlon
Ok, quick note before i sleep.
Swim time: 36min
Run time: 1 hr
Transition time: 3 min
Finish run without stopping.
Off to bed!
Swim time: 36min
Run time: 1 hr
Transition time: 3 min
Finish run without stopping.
Off to bed!
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