I'm really confused

We had a long talk on msn just now. It started well, with me telling him how much i appreciate him coming down to look for me and being around while i was talking to his friend about insurance. And from there, we chatted a bit, before he told me he was meeting her for dinner. And he said there wasn't anything between them. And he didn't want to give me the wrong impression. And i made a comment like, aren't we supposed to be best friends, and really it doesn't matter what you do. You know the word that sums it all up, "whatever'
And i told him, with him, i don't have any confidence. Coz right now, he's only with me coz she hasn't given him the green light, and when she finally gives him the green light, i'm the one who would be left crying. For a long time, i've made a choice of not making any decisions and choices. And have given him the easy way back into my life each time we've broken off and tried to patch back.
There are so many things that i want to do. And i wanted a life with him. That much i knew when i was 17. I don't know where i went wrong along the way. But i do know that i told him on Sunday that i have nothing left to give him. I am emotionally drained. I am tired of being the one who gets hurt only coz i love him and don't want to hurt him. And i am scared that one day when i fall, there will be no one there, because it was all just an illusion. I told him that i was going to make a decision for the both of us coz he would never be able to make up his mind. Somehow i feel that our relationship cannot handle adversities because he is constantly changing his mind about things. And yet, i told him, we've gotten through so much only coz i am the one who is constantly giving in.
And yet, i am beginning to believe i have nothing left to give him. And since i have nothing left to give, then we are really better off as friends. He told me to give him some time to reach a conclusion.
It hurts to walk away. And yet, i know it makes more sense to walk away now, then another 10 yrs later when i would then have to admit that the last 20 yrs was a mistake, rather then admitting now that the last 10 yrs was a mistake. And i remember telling him, that when you love someone, you would do everything in your power to protect that person and make sure you don't hurt that person. And since he is constantly hurting me, then i am not that important to him or rather, he doesn't really love me. And what we have with each other is just years of 'friendship' and lots of familiarity. How do we know that we even love each other. How do i know he even loved me?
And then out of the blue, he says he is not going to meet her anymore coz he canceled on her and wanted to meet me tomorrow evening. But what can that achieve? He asked me if he came back, would i open my heart to him, value him and appreciate him? And that he is really considering all these factors now.
Truth is i cannot answer him coz i'm not sure myself. I know i will always have a soft spot for him. And yet, i don't know if i can ever trust this man with my heart ever again. To say he has hurt me more then once is an understatement. And i am not sure where i can go from here.
So i told him to go out with her, and go enjoy himself. And he said he didn't want to waste any more time. Neither do i. I feel like i'm hanging on to a lost cause. And that i remembered earlier on this year when i told him that this was the last time i was going to give him any chances. That if it didn't work out, that was it. And true enough,i allowed him to hurt me once again against my better judgement.
Maybe what TG told me was true. In order to move away from him, i need to stay away from him for some time first. And what if i feel at the end of it all, that i am not able to accept him. That i am unable to trust him again? Then would i then be wasting his time? I have no answers only lots of confusion...=(