Awareness, as mentioned is of utmost concern when effecting change. When we are living our lives in a state of true awareness wherein we are truly conscious of our actions, we can free ourselves from reactive, self-defeating behavior and realize our personal best.
Unfortunately, although we may think that we make conscious decisions, in reality our unconscious mind often impacts our behavior and when it does our actions are not truly under our control. We can learn to recognize the unconscious, that part of our mind that has great power over much of our actions without us even being aware of its existence. In doing so, we can diminish its power over us.
Are You Sabotaging Yourself?
As an example, try simply noticing that voice inside your head that gets very chatty whenever you are about to make a decision, especially an important one that could result in change. Is it telling you that you're nuts to consider what you are thinking of doing? Does it say that you failed once before and will probably do so again?
We fail to understand that the voice is out to sabotage us. Just by noticing it you will realize that this inner saboteur is at work. In the act of noticing you begin to empower yourself to make truly conscious decisions that will result in positive and lasting changes in your life.
Reactive Versus Proactive
I have mentioned how changing reactive, self-defeating behavior is key to realizing our personal best. What is reactive behavior versus proactive behavior? When you are reacting to life and its circumstances you are on the defensive. You are not in control. Life's circumstances are dictating your behavior and actions versus your being proactive and in control of your actions.
There is a good chance that you are being activated unconsciously as well. Example: Your boss gives you what you consider to be a harsh criticism of your latest report. Your adrenaline rushes and a wave of angry indignation rolls over you. In that emotional state, you are unable to actually hear what he or she has to say because you are already defending yourself. Your response to him is defensive and somewhat irrational.
You cannot control what he/she had to say but you can control how you handle yourself. Therein lies the key to non-reactive behavior: your ability to handle situations in ways that prove productive versus destructive. Stop and think. Pause. Get your heart rate back to the normal range.
Without taking anything personally, was there anything in what he had to say that had merit? Is there some sort of deep learning to be had, either from him or you? Could the perceived harshness perhaps have been amplified by your defensiveness?
Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.
~The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Stephen Covey
Do Your Meanings Serve You?
Life will always be throwing things our way, much of it unpleasant and challenging. That's life. We cannot control life but we can control how we handle it. If we are really aware and in tune with what is happening, we can learn not to add meaning to reality where there is no additional meaning needed.
For example, in the above incident, you may have reacted because you assumed your boss thought you were in the wrong and therefore not up to snuff. But that was just what you thought he meant.
What you think he meant and what he said are often two very different entities. Perhaps all he meant was that your work could have been better and he wanted to steer you in the right direction.
Leave Your Past Behind
Often, adding meaning where there is none harkens back to childhood. Your father was always highly critical and you came to believe that this meant that you were a loser and wouldn't amount to anything. That is the type of meaning a child creates in response to an unpleasant situation.
What really happened is that you had a highly critical father. Period. The most unfortunate part is that this type of reaction to criticism will often be carried into adult hood and anytime criticism is leveled at you, you respond with your childhood reaction: I am a loser. The ability to control reactive behavior and see things for just what they are can make a world of difference in your life.
Finally, a word about perspective or attitude. How we view the world or any given situation will dictate our effectiveness and our state of mind. Change your attitude and you not only change the way you see things, you will change your reality. If you approach your work/life as being tough, that perspective will trickle down into everything you do. Try a new perspective on, one that will work in accordance with your goals and desires.
Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
~William James
US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist
The Inner Work of Creating Positive Change
Inner work means that we are laying the foundation for a mindset that allows us to make lasting changes that will create a more meaningful, productive and happy life. Once the inner work is done, the outer changes will compound like bank interest. Your authenticity will shine and people will be drawn to this new you.
You will view everything that happens as an opportunity for growth and grow and change you will. The work you do and its subsequent benefits will spread into all areas of your life, not just the ones that you may have originally pinpointed. The vision you held of the will become your reality now.
No comments:
Post a Comment