Friday afternoon.
I was supposed to be out on Wednesday night having dinner. Supposed to mit the men to go drinking after dinner. And i received a call at 11 telling me not to turn up as someone in the group mention that having me ard was a pain in the butt and that i was irritating.
Confusion sets in. Why complain that i'm irritating when you just asked me out for dinner for tml nite?
Anyway, i had a beautiful day yesterday. Maybe at the back of my mind, i just loved to be pampered and loved. Or maybe at the back of my head, this is all i can accept. Guardian walked back into my life recently. We merely went out for coffee and a drive after he bought his new car. It was something that he has always wanted and i feel happy for him that he has managed to fulfill a little part of his dream.
He picked me up from home after his night shift work. And bought me breakfast and then we headed back to his place. Then he spent the day ferrying me around to meet my clients. And then we went off to the arcade to play while i waited for TG to sms me for dinner.
Finally TG smsed me and Guardian dropped me off. He of course didn't know i was mtg TG. All i said was i had a dinner appt, but promised him that i would have dinner with him again when i was done.
DInner with TG was a simple affair. I understood last night that TG is a men of expensive taste and likes the finer qualities of life. On top of that, TG likes a variety of stuff. As for Guardian, at the end of the day, he is still a simple man. He can move upward in life and yet stay simple. I guess that's the beauty of him.I asked TG about the comment he made, and he said it was harmless, just a passing statement. But it still hurt. And i guess throughout dinner, i wasn't sure exactly what or whom i wanted. TG seems such like a fantasy. Guardian is a past. So what is the present?
Anyway, i asked TG also whether he was interested in gg away together? And that if he was not interested, then i would not ask again. And without thinking, he said he was interested. Just that he could not give me a fixed timing and date. I am not sure where to move on from here.
Guardian picked me up after TG and i were done with dinner. There are times when the question still pops up in my head. WHere are we both heading with this relationship we have? And do i really still love him as much as i did before. Or is it merely out of habit now and convenience in a relationship? Guardian and i spent the night in each other's arms as he hugged me to sleep and told me how much he enjoyed my company. He sent me to work this morning and i stopped myself from asking the question that always pops up. When will i see you again....
I know he has his limitations. But i also know i do so want to go away with him. He said he wanted to go away to Malacca, or Desaru or anyway together. We've been through this conversation so many times, made so many plans and i know somehow, it never materialises. Maybe we are really not meant to be toge4ther in the long run.
But i went to see a tarot card reader and also a fortune teller. Both claim that i have a problematic love life and that i would have to go through a lot of trials and tribulations before i am finally with the man that i love. At the same time, the tarot card reader told me that something will develop between TG and myself. And that i would be hurt by him badly. Just as bad as i had been hurt by Guardian a long time back.
As for Guardian and i, they both claim that eventually we'll be back together. I shared this with Guardian. And he kept mum. Maybe at the back of my head, i always pick the relationships that are doomed to fail coz i'm still waiting for him. But honestly, the wonderful day we had, the beautiful times, they no longer pull at my heartstrings the way they used to. Now, i feel the warmth or being out with him, the comfort of holding his hand and him giving me hugs and kisses. But the kind of passion i had for him died a long time ago.
