The Amazing Power Of a "Belief" - Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler

What is the true power of a thought?

Just last week one of the entrepreneurs I work with wondered why he could "never seem to get ahead financially."

I've done everything all the self-help books tell me to do," Edward explained. "I've set goals, I've visualized, I've done to one seminar after another -- but I still can't seem to get any more money in my life."

"Tell me," I asked, "what you BELIEVE to be true about having more money."

Here's his list of beliefs about money:

• I just can't seem to make any more money.
• I have hit my peak financially.
• It is just hard to make money.
• The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.
• I really can get along OK without more money.
• The tax man will just take it anyway.
• I do not want to sell my soul just to have more money.

Many people will agree with his list. So what's wrong here?

The basic problem is this: Edward's internal *belies* about money do NOT support his desire for more money in his life. In fact, his beliefs actually negate his desire.

**How Beliefs Run Our Lives
We each have a set of beliefs and assumptions for ever area of our life: From money to success - from relationships to your body image. And most of these beliefs go way back into your childhood.

So what?

Because of the very nature of belief, we truly BELIEVE them to be true. In fact, we automatically assume a belief is true without even thinking about it.

Edward BELIEVES he would have to 'sell his soul' to get more money in his life, and the 'tax man would just take it anyway'. And he also believes he has 'hit his peak financially', and 'really CAN get along without more money.'

Does that sound like a set of beliefs that support his desire to have more money in his life?

Have you examined your subconscious beliefs about what you 'say' you want to create in YOUR life?

**The Power of a Belief
Most of us are willing to scrutinize all aspects of ourselves, but can get very defensive if someone dares question our beliefs.

We assume our beliefs are beyond question. So they often remain unquestioned, and can simply run right over any goal that goes against them.

**Science in Action
But I discovered the scientific truth behind how a thought can overturn a belief when I first began to use biofeedback in a clinical environment.

I especially recall the wife of a prominent local surgeon, She came to me hoping biofeedback would provide some releif form her crippling back pain.

Mrs Robbins (not her real name) had been in an especially nasty high speed car crash three years earlier. She had wrenched her back, and her back pain had never healed.

She hobbled into my clinic leaning heavily on a cane. Her physician husband was recommending surgery, and she was only trying biofeedback on a whim.

In the first session we discovered her belief that she would never heal from the trauma (her best friend had died in the crash).

I attached biofeedback sensors to her back, and we both observed the computer feedout as she painfully attempted to move her legs. Then i hooked up the sensors to her arm, and had her tense, then relax, her muscles. She clearly saw the difference between relaxed and tense on the computer screen.

Then I suggested that her back pain 'might' be muscle bracing that had become a chronic habit -- and proposed an experiment in which she would just 'think' about allowing her back to relax.

We placed sensors on her back again and I turned the screen away from her as she began to think about allowing her back to relax. Sure enough, the spikes reduced dramatically. When I rotated the screen so she could see it, her jaw dropped.

The power of her thoughts had immediately reduced the muscle spasms in her back. I asked her how her back felt. She was even more amazed. The skin had begun to warm as her circulation was partially restored.

After only three biofeedback sessions she was able to release the muscle spasms in her back with a single thought. And a few weeks later the cane was gone.

She had cured herself from a crippling belief (I don't think I'll ever heal) with a single powerful alternative belief ( I can relax the muscle spasms in my back.)

Old beliefs CAN be replaced with success-affirming positive thoughts.

**Replacing Limiting Beliefs
Replacing limiting beliefs requires dealing with the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) are attached to those beliefs.

If you do have a limiting beliefs, your ANTs will constantly reinforce those beliefs. The only way to stomp ANTs is to creat new positive beliefs to replace the old negatives!

It does NOT matter if you believe these new positive beliefs at first.

Go ahead and read that sentence again!

Your mind is a creature of habit. The more often you consciously focus on your new positive beliefs, the faster they will be taken into your subconscious mind and replace your old limiting beliefs.

Do a mental house-cleaning and get rid of those ANTs.

Get Real: In Pursuit of Your Fearless Life - Carey Powell

How are you standing in the way of your dreams and goals?

It's time to stop telling yourself lies, stop making excuses and (gulp) take a long hard look at what role you are playing in your current situation.

If you're willing to ask yourself the hard questions now, you can save yourself from facing them as even bigger roadblocks in the future. But if you skip this step, you'll keep coming up against these same issues over and over again, no matter how hard you work.

If you can:

1) See things as they really are, and

2) Accept responsibility for your role in making them that way,

Then you can regain your power and fully claim the fearless life you deserve.

The good news is that by doing this essential work, you can clear most of what's been stopping you from living your dreams.

More often than not, "you" are what is standing in the way of achieving your goals or living your dreams. And that's a good thing!

Why is that a good thing? Because "you" is something you can do something about. Not so with other people or outside situations, which you need to accept and work with as they are.

What's Fear Got To Do With It?

Once you uncover the truth about your own role in keeping yourself down, it might be scary to consider the changes you're going to have to make.

As well, you will likely have to give up some long-standing beliefs, and even though they're getting in your way, maybe they're all you've even known.

It's scary to not know exactly what's going to replace those beliefs and how your life will look and feel once you've made those changes.

No one likes to look at the ugliest parts of themselves and admit their own shortcomings. Yet, on the other side of this process, you will experience a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders. Lying to others takes a lot of energy, but lying to yourself takes a hundred times more energy.

The bad news is that you were contributing to the problem all along, but the great news is that now you can fix it!

You're not hiding behind denial anymore, and that new sense of vulnerability holds a certain power. Anything is possible now.

Get Real

To start the process of getting real, consider the 5 questions about yourself you're most afraid to hear the answers to. Then, ask a trusted friend or partner for their honest feedback, and open yourself up to hear it.

Congratulations on your extraordinary fearlessness!

The Cost of Being Right - Shelley Stile

A person who had been surrounded by their peers now sits alone, safe in the knowledge that he or she is right in their viewpoint, even though they have alienated everyone around them. Some of us will sacrifice almost anything just in order to be the last one standing. One of the highest prices we pay in life is the cost of being right. The ego is a mighty powerful entity left unchecked.

Have you ever attempted to reason with a child who knows everything? It's their way or no way at all. They simply cannot understand the concept of another person's point of view. Children go through a stage where they are extremely self-absorbed. Everything is mine and they will not share. The world revolves around their desires and needs. This is a normal stage of childhood where the child is asserting their individuality and independence. The problem arises when the behavior is carried over into adulthood.

People Who Have a Need to be Right

People who need to be right have little patience for others. They perceive their ideas as the right way to do things and their viewpoints as the right way to think. A differing opinion is a direct affront to their sense of well-being and they become extremely aggressive in their defense of themselves. They tend to alienate others due to their insistence on being 'right'. The importance of the issue in question doesn't seem to have any relevance. A simple trip to the store can end in disaster. Anger and a lack of empathy seem to be the rule of thumb.

People are different. We each have a totally unique set of DNA that will never be replicated short of cloning. I do not think the same as you do and vice-versa. Our brains are wired differently. What seems totally natural and easy for me to do may be close to impossible for you. Oftentimes we get caught in the thought pattern,

'If I can see this so clearly, why in the world can't you?'

'If I can perform this task, why can't you?'

But the reality is that just because I can do something does not mean that you can. Nor does it make me better or right. Just different.

What is Right or Wrong?

What is right and wrong? I bake a cake a certain way and I determine that it
is the 'right' way to bake a cake. Yet my next-door neighbor uses an entirely different method and guess what? Her cake is just as good. Short of a cake being inedible, there is no right or wrong, just different ways of baking the cake. Some ways may be more efficient, true. But not necessarily the only way of doing it.

Webster's dictionary states the following as a definition of the word right: conforming to facts or truth; most favorable or desired. Can someone's opinion or idea be right because it is considered as conforming to the truth or a fact? By the way, whose truth? Or better yet, two viewpoints can each conform to the truth so which one is more right? Can someone's stand on a subject be the most favorable or desired? That is highly relative and I think that is the point. It's all relative.

Having to be right seems to be more akin to the definition of self-righteous which Webster's defines as convinced of one's own righteousness (being right) especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others: narrow-mindedly moralistic. Aha! Now we are getting closer. Someone who needs to be right would seem to be self-righteous, i.e. someone who feels that their way of seeing and doing things is superior to that of others.

This brings to mind the religious zealots who believe that their way of worshiping God is the only true way and that anyone who does not hold to their dogma is not only a non-believer but also an infidel. They have the deep need to convert the non-believer, believing that unless you hold to my way of thinking, you will be condemned to hell. My believing something different is considered a threat. This of course is an extreme case of but it certainly reveals the nature of being right.

What also pops up for me on the subject of being right is what often happens in a divorce. We all have stories of an acrimonious divorce where two people spend insane amounts of money to argue about trivialities just to get even and be in the right. The antagonists will pay their lawyers thousands of dollars in a fight over a living room chair just for the sake of besting the other person. Once again it shows the price people are willing to pay in support of their ego.

The Price to Pay for the Need to be Right

Why the intense need to be right? Myriad reasons come to mind: self esteem issues, low self-confidence, the past running the present, remnants of childhood adaptations, ego-centric behavior;the list goes on and on. I am of the opinion that it isn't so much the reasons (although it is important to understand why we do certain things) behind why we need to be right rather the self-knowledge that we are indeed involved in this kind of self-destructive behavior. We must first become aware of our need to be right and then examine the costs involved in our behavior.

What are the costs of being right? We come across as a know-it-all, which alienates people. We are unyielding and do not work well with others so we have a tendency not to be part of the team or community. We isolate ourselves. We turn away connectedness and love. We become an island unto ourselves. Most impactful is the fact that we close ourselves off to what the world has to offer because we know best.

…people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.

~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince.

Stay Open to Possibilities

We will never recognize where our next opportunity lies if we do not remain open to possibilities. To remain receptive to what the world has to offer, we must keep an open mind and heart. We must learn to listen to what others have to say. We must be aware and conscious of what is being offered to us at any given moment. We must realize that there is much to gain from listening and not speaking. If I am too busy pushing my agenda, I cannot possibly hear what is being said and therefore I may miss out on what could be an opportunity to experience deep learning and personal growth.

Looking at the big picture versus the immediate helps put things in perspective. If I don't get my way, is it a matter of life and death? Will I even remember this incident in ten years from now? Some things are simply not worth the effort and being right all the time fits into that category.

Think of what it is like to be heard? How do you regard someone who takes a sincere interest in you and what you have to say? Those people who hold a genuine curiosity about others are magnets. We are attracted to them because they make us feel good about ourselves. They in turn are rewarded with deeper friendships, better working relationships, more meaningful and loving personal relationships and a universe that continually opens with more possibilities.

Start by simply noticing if you are overly invested in being right when you have a discussion with others, be it at work, at home, wherever. Just notice how you are being and perhaps, why? In the noticing you will become very aware of how you interact with others. Imagine being in their shoes and seeing through their eyes. What do you look like from their viewpoint? Is it a picture you like? If not, how could you do things differently?

As you notice and do things differently you may start to see dramatic changes. Or the changes may be subtler. As you do things differently, people will start to react differently. Your world will open up. You will start feeling more connected. You will learn new things that had remained closed off to you before. New possibilities for a life that is more meaningful and fulfilling will appear.

Being righteous and being self-righteous are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. It's the difference between people who are full of themselves versus people who do the right thing. Who do you choose? How do you want to be perceived? A life well lived is a life where being right is not the be-all end-all. The be-all end-all is a life well lived. Luckily, as human beings we were given free will and the ability to choose for ourselves.

It all comes down to choice.

Where Are You, and Where Do You Want to Be? - Coach Karl

Have you seen the Global Positioning navigational systems that are available in vehicles today? And antenna on the roof of your vehicle sends a signal to satellites in the sky that identify your current location. Once you enter your desired destination into the keypad, the computer calculates the route between where you are and where you want to go. The monitor informs you of the distance you have to travel and recommends the best route to get there, and once you begin, they system will give you (by spoken word or by text) specific directions to lead you to your new destination.

The navigational systems never asks: "Where have you been?" It does not ask: "Why have you been there so long?" It's only mission is to assist you in getting from where you are to where you want to be. Your emotions provide a similar guidance system for you, for their primary function is also to help you travel the distance from where you are to wherever you want to be.

It is extremely important that you know where you are in relationship to where you want to be in order to effectively move closer to where you want to be. An understanding of both where you are and where you want to be is essential if you are to make any deliberate decisions about your journey.

You are surrounded by many influences in your physical environment, and often, others ask or insist that you behave differently in order to positively affect their experience. You are deluged with laws, rules, and expectations that are imposed by others, and almost everyone seems to have an opinion about how you should behave. But it is not possible for you to stay on track between where you are and where you want to be if you are using those kinds of outside influences to guide you.

Often you are pulled this way and that in an attempt to please another, only to discover that no matter how hard you try, you cannot consistently move in any pleasing direction, and so, you not only do not please them, but you also do not please yourself. And because you are being pulled in so many different directions, your path to where you want to be usually gets lost in the process.


Question of the day:
Where do you want to be? Or more importantly, before you can ask that question, What do I want? =)

The Good Life Part 2 - Shelley Stile

Values. What are the things to which you attach value? What is important to you? If you had to create a list of the top five things that you value, what would they be? Would it be money, possessions, power, stature and authority? Would it be love, family, integrity, freedom and compassion? Or a combination?

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of
value.

~Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

We have all heard the adage about what the epitaph on our tombstone will say or not say. Will it say that she had a powerful job, she flew first class, that she had a Mercedes-Benz and wore only couture? More often you will read on a tombstone that she was a loving Mother and Wife, a charitable person and an outstanding member of the community.

Think about how you would like to be remembered. What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral or memorial? Will it be on how much money you made or how much you consumed? Doubtful.

I remember the funeral of a very dear friend who died suddenly while he was still in his fifties. The Rabbi said that all we have in the end is our good name. Who we were, how we lived, how we loved, our empathy and compassion, service to the world we lived in and the legacy we left to our children and their children.

My Take on the Good Life

My own personal take on the good life, at least for me, involves the following: I want to be a person who possesses a deep appreciation for everything that I have: to be grateful. I want to be able to live without the fear of not being able to take care of my kids and myself and yes, I do want to live well.

Living well for me is a lovely home in nature; it is being free to travel; it is having the ability to help my kids get a good start in their adult lives; it is having enough money to be able to take good care of myself and to also be charitable. I want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with a deep connection to the world around me.

What Is Your Good Life?

What is your Good Life? Take the time now to give thought to the life that you want to live, the life that you would describe as the Good Life. Make certain that it is aligned with your values and your passions and to so you must connect with your values and passions.

What are they? Think long and hard about what brings you real joy and fulfillment. Remember those times in your life when you were the happiest; what resonated for you in those moments?

Consider how you want to be remembered, how you want to look in your children's eyes. What traits do you admire in others and how can you adopt some of those traits? What have been peak experiences in your life and what was it about those experiences that made them so special?

These are the kind of questions that beg our attention. These are the questions that will ultimately lead us to the Good Life. Not the $14,000 dessert but a life well lived. With meaning, love, comfort, joy and fulfillment.

The Good Life Part 1 - Shelley Stile

I was listening to the MSNBC on the radio when a feature came on entitled, 'The Good Life'. They proceeded to discuss a $14,000 dessert being offered in Sri Lanka that included, amongst other things, an aquamarine. No kidding. This is how MSNBC characterizes the good life. It struck me how in our culture we define the good life more in terms of the consumption of material goods than in relationship to any other quality.

Simply listen to the vast majority of contemporary music on the airwaves these days for confirmation. I have two teenagers in my house so I know all too well: Cristal champagne, expensive cars, first class jet airline seats, bling; the list goes on and on.

This is what our kids are being taught: the good life is about having things, not about who you are as a human being. Where are these values coming from? I believe it is a trickle down effect from what they see being honored in our society.

So if the good life is about having things, how is it that so many people who have so many things have lives that lack so much satisfaction and meaning?

I am not saying that having money is not a good thing, quite the contrary. We all need financial security. We need to know that we can provide for our families and be free of the pressure of struggling to make ends meet. We all want to live a comfortable life. But where is the point of no return?

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that
counts can be counted.

~Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

What Provides a Satisfying Life?

The Worldwide Institute in its 2004 State of the World report explains:

Societies focused on well being involved more interaction with family, friends, and neighbors, a more direct experience of nature, and more attention to finding fulfillment and creative expression than in accumulating goods. They emphasize lifestyles that avoid abusing your own health, other people, or the natural world. In short, they yield a deeper sense of satisfaction with life than many people report experiencing today.

What provides for a satisfying life? In recent years, psychologists studying measures of life satisfaction have largely confirmed the old adage that 'money can't buy happiness', at least not for people who are already affluent.

The disconnection between money and happiness in wealthy countries is perhaps most clearly illustrated when growth in income in industrial countries is plotted against levels of happiness. In the United States, for example, the average person's income more than doubled between 1957 and 2002, yet the share of people reporting themselves to be 'very happy' over that period remained static.

What Does the Good Life Look Like?

So if growth in income has not made people happier than obviously they are not living the good life. In order to clarify what the good life is, I do an exercise with clients that involves seeing themselves at some distant point in the future where they are finally who they want to be, they have what they want to have and are deeply satisfied and happy. In other words, they have achieved the 'Good Life'.

Nearly one hundred percent of the time, without fail, clients do not have visions of extreme wealth. They really don't talk about wealth at all, at least not in terms of money or possessions. They do not talk about living in a house with every known convenience and luxury. They do talk about a home located in a beautiful setting, perhaps by the ocean or on a lake in the mountains.

There is always talk about a place that gives them a feeling of peace and serenity; a place they were meant to be. They never discuss possessions - ever. No talk of cars, televisions or fancy clothes. It just never comes up. They may mention that they are free to travel but certainly they do not say first class.

They describe themselves as a person who no longer fights feelings of depression, dissatisfaction or dissonance in their lives. They speak of a feeling of acceptance of what is. There is love in their lives although they don't necessarily mention a specific mate. Just love. There is discussion of deep wisdom accumulated over the years. There is also talk of being surrounded by the people who they hold dear.

Often, if they have children, they will say that they are happy that they have been able to help their kids but more often is the description of children who have grown into responsible, loving and fulfilled human beings. They describe with pride children who are contributors to the world.

I hear about pets in the house and perhaps grandchildren. These are folks who have discovered what truly has meaning for them and what they really value.

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.

~Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982)

What's the Pay Off - Josh Perez

What is robbing you of your joy? What is causing harm to you rather than benefiting you? If it is not benefiting you and those around you, then it is taking away from you. What is bringing frustration to your life?

It could be something as easy as your attitude or it could be something tougher like a deep rooted pain or hurt you experienced years ago, but never dealt with. If it is a deep rooted issue that troubles you today, allow me to suggest that you pick up the phone and call a counselor who can help you get passed that.

Maybe you are not dealing with a deep rooted issue. What is it then that is not benefiting your life? Could it be drugs, alcohol, or gambling? Could it be hatred, anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness? I encourage you to be honest with yourself right now and examine your life. You know exactly what is and what is not benefiting your life. You do not need someone to tell you.

How is that particular thing robbing from you? What affect does it have on your spouse, family, friends, and co-workers? How is it distancing others from you? How is it affecting your life? What kind of momentary benefit does it bring to you and is it worth the price you pay? Be honest with yourself; forget everyone else and just examine yourself.

The good thing is, it doesn't matter whether it is an addiction, an attitude, or a certain way of living; we can change it. It may require we get outside assistance. It may simply be something we recognize that is affecting us negatively and applying the positive opposite would change it for the better. One thing is very clear, it will take work. It will take work in the sense of practicing the new behavior or lifestyle change. Think of how long you have been doing that particular thing that has not brought benefit to your life; it is ingrained in you to do it that way.

You must practice a new habit everyday for at least 30 days and probably longer before it becomes a regular part of your day to day life. It must become a habit and it takes time and effort to build a habit.

First things first, pinpoint exactly what is taking away or not benefiting you. Next, place a new habit in place of this old habit. Thirdly, practice this new habit every chance you get.

Now, there will be times you will revert back to your old ways; it is not the end of the world. Whatever you do, do not make excuses for it or try to justify it. Simply see how you arrived there, so you can see what exactly triggered you reverting back to your old way.

It may be a friend that you can no longer associate yourself with or it may be a place you can no longer go to. It may be people that trigger a certain attitude. If that is the case, you have got to change your attitude and not necessarily the people. In other words, if you find yourself getting easily angered or frustrated with people or circumstances, then you need to acknowledge that is something you do and change it. You change it by first acknowledging it as something you do not desire to do any longer. Then, when the time comes that you feel it coming on, suppress it and exchange it for a better attitude. Know what kind of attitude you want to exchange it for in advance or else this will not work.

Again, the bottom line is that it will take work in order to bring the necessary changes we desire to our lives. We must practice the new way of living, new attitude, new outlook, and new way of conducting ourselves. It will take some time, but it will be well worth it. Think about it, you can remain like you are or you can make life better for yourself and those around you. You can remain like you are and keep allowing that particular thing to keep taking away from you or you can change it. The change is worth it if it brings benefit and enjoyment of life to you and others around you.

Let's not give up; we all have weaknesses that we need to tend to and work on. We can all better ourselves and in bettering ourselves, we make it easier for others we come in contact with and we can even make this world a better place.

Are you Auditioning for your Life - Josh Perez

Be honest with yourself, what do you do when friends, co-workers, or relatives tell you what you should or should not do about your life, health, career, relationships, etc? Do you immediately move to action to change what others say you should change? How does what others think about you affect your life? What happens to you that you immediately feel like you must work on what someone else pointed out in your life?

I believe this act of wanting to please others affects all of us in some way. However, it affects many in a great way. Have you ever auditioned for a part in a play? Did you ever try out for the football or volleyball team at school? We endeavored to play the part well so the director would be pleased with our performance and give us the part. We worked so hard to please the coach in hopes that we might have a spot on the team.

When we were teenagers we were pressured by our friends to do certain things we knew were not right. Since we wanted to keep our friends we would do those things to please them. We view American Idol to watch as young people audition before the judges and the nation to try to become the next American Idol. We step into our adult years where we have a career and we perform for the boss, so he/she will be pleased with us.

Life itself can feel like just one big audition. We step on stage of life where all the lights are blaring in our face. The audience sits back to watch our performance. Suddenly, we begin to perform for them. Who are you performing and auditioning for? Who can tell you to jump and you jump and keep jumping until they tell you to stop? Who are you trying to please to the extent that whatever they tell you to do or change you hop right to it?

Life is Not an Audition.

Life should not be an audition. We are not trying out all the time. What happened to a person having their own identity? Why are we working so hard to become like everyone else when we are a unique individual personality? If you are moderately or constantly changing something in your life because someone said you should, then you are basically not in control of the decisions you make. You are allowing others to make decisions for you because of your strong desire to be pleasing, approved, accepted, and praised in their sight.

Sure, there are people we should look up to and glean from. There are people who should influence our life and give us advice. It is not so much others that are the problem as it is you desiring them to be pleased with your performance.

I will give you an example. A woman goes to the mall to shop for a dress for a special occasion. She spends a few hours going from store to store and trying on dress after dress and finally she finds one she likes. She likes the color, style, and it fits great on her. Well, when she gets home and models it for her friends she finds they are not as favorable of the dress as she is.

What would you do? Do you return the dress based on their comments or do you keep it because you really like it? If you really want to please your friends, you would return the dress back to the store. However, if you are your own person, unique and different, you would rip the price tag off and wear the dress for the special occasion.

You are Already in the Play

You have to ask yourself "what do you want to accomplish in your life?" and not "what do others want you to accomplish?". Change something in your life because you believe it's the right thing to do for you and not for anyone and everyone else.

How comfortable are you with your weight? How comfortable are you with your career? How comfortable are you with your life right now? Change your life because you want to change it and not because you would be pleasing others if you did. True friends will love you for who you are and not because you are not pleasing them. Living your life for others is nothing but a life full of frustration. It is a constant struggle. The balance would be to allow people to have input and influence in your life without controlling your every move.

When I am trying hard to please others, they control my every move. You be in control of your life. You are not auditioning for a part in the play called "Life". You are in the play.

goodbye is just so tough

It's hard to know how to begin this letter,
I just wish my words would serve me better.
The hardest thing I ever did was let u go,
Because my actions displayed what my heart couldn't show.
I hope you're happy, content and well.
These I long to hear you tell.
But alas, I'll never again hear your voice,
Though not through my own choice.
But maybe it's better this way,
Because what's there left to say
Except for a sad sigh
And one last goodbye.
I cared for you more than you could ever know.
Your such a great person, your truly an amazing.
I regret when we fight, I don't think its right.
When ever I see you hurt the only person I blame is me,
I hate it when you in pain for I love thee.
I wish life wasn't so complicated,
I am tired of us always being hated.
I wish you the best with what ever you chose to do,
I want you to know, no matter what, i will always love you.

Sharing a day with you is quite fun..
to witness the most beautiful sunset with you
will always be a beautiful sunrise in my heart
we may go separate ways
live different lives
you will always be the only one
whom can fill that space in my lonely heart
your sweet melody turns a lovely harmony
that mixes different colors and hues
in my lonesome nights
with a cold blowing air
and bright moon and stars
memories of ours...

Anatomy of a Miracle - Jeff Keller

As the final seconds of the game ticked down, millions of people around the world couldn't believe what was about to happen. And as the game ended, we heard Al Michaels' now famous words, "Do you believe in miracles?"

A miracle is was. The greatest upset in sports history. Yes, I'm referring to the 1980 U.S Olympic Hockey Team victory over the Soviet Union in Lake Placid, New York. The American squad went on to capture the gold medal that year.

Let's remember what the American team was up against - and why this victory against the Soviets was truly a "miracle." Going into the 1980 Olympic games, the powerful, professional Soviet hockey team had won four consecutive gold medals and was undefeated in the Olympics since 1968. In 1979, the Soviets beat the professional National Hockey League All-Stars 6-0.

The U.S team, on the other hand, was a collection of untested college players. Shortly before the 1980 Olympics, the Soviets played the U.S Olympic Team in an exhibition and the Soviets embarrassed the U.S squad by a score of 10-3. Everyone knew there was no way these college players could even compete with the Soviets, let alone beat them.

Everyone that is, except Herb Brooks, who coached the 1980 U.S team. Brooks thought that he could pull off a miracle. He believed the U.S could win a gold medal even if it required beating the "unbeatable" Soviet team.

In 2004, Walt Disney Pictures released a movie about Coach Brooks and the 1980 U.S Olympic team, aptly titled "Miracle." It's a wonderful, inspiring movie starring Kurt Russell as Coach Brooks. After watching the movie recently, I couldn't help observing that while every miracle is unique, there are some elements that most miracles have in common. For instance:

* A miracle is the result of a BIG dream. It's hard to imagine a dream that was bolder or more audacious than that of Herb Brooks. How on earth could he even fathom that he could mold a bunch of college hockey players into a team that would defeat the mighty Soviets?

Remember, the Soviet team was thought to be invincible. Yet Brooks allowed himself to dream that he could coach a team that would defeat this powerhouse.

You see, many people dream too small and then they can't get excited about the pursuit of the dream. It's the big dream that gets your blood moving and it's the big dream that gets other people excited about joining you in the quest.

People often wonder, "How do I know if I should pursue my dream, or whether it's simply "unrealistic?" Richard Bach said, "You're never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true." So, if your dream is constantly "speaking" to you and there's tremendous emotion attached to the dream, that's a positive sign.

Then again, if you would like to accomplish something but it doesn't send chills down your spine thinking about it, there's a good chance that you're really not energized about that goal and you won't be willing to do what it takes to turn the dream into reality.

* A miracle is not achieved by talent alone. There's a great line in the movie where Coach Brooks tells his players, "You don't have enough talent to win on talent." There was no denying that the Soviet team had more talent than the American youngsters. Brooks knew, however, that the team with the greatest talent doesn't always win.

When selecting the team from the hundreds of college hockey players who tried out, Brooks surprised people when he cut many talented players. Instead, he chose players who did not have as much skill but fit within his unique system and had the psychological makeup he desired.

* A miracle requires creative thinking. Other teams in North America had attempted to defeat the Soviets by playing a "North American style" of hockey. What Brooks realized is that this style of play was not working! In other words, the Soviets were able to win against that strategy time after time.

Brooks determined that he would use a different strategy, abandoning the traditional North American style. He was willing to innovate, to develop a new system that stressed superior conditioning, discipline and speed. He knew it would be challenging for his players to learn and execute... but his willingness to innovate eventually paid off with a gold medal.

* A miracle requires uncommon sacrifice. Nobody said that a miracle comes easily. Herb Brooks warned his players that they would have to be "uncommon" men to defeat the Soviets and win a gold medal. They would have to develop a superior level of conditioning. His practice sessions were excruciating.

The most memorable scene of the movie takes place during one of the exhibition games the team played preparing for the Olympics. The U.S Team had not given a full effort, and when the game ended, Brooks called his already tired players out on the ice and made them skate "sprints" up and down the ice. He wouldn't stop even when the lights in the rink were shut off! His message: if we want to achieve a miracle, we must give it our all in every second of every game.

* A miracle is generally a team effort. When you set out to achieve a miracle, you're fooling yourself if you think you can do it on your own.

Extraordinary achievements require a collection of individuals pulling together for a common goal. Brooks assembled a group that played as a team, with their individual egos in check.

* A miracle is often inspired by adversity. Herb Brooks was an excellent hockey player in his younger days. In 1960, he tried out for the U.S Olympic hockey team and he was the very last person to be cut from the squad. That team went on to win a gold medal.

Can you imagine the disappointment he must have felt as he saw himself lose out on a gold medal as a player? He was motivated by this setback to get that gold medal as a coach.

It's easy to think that miracles are for "other people" - the people we see on TV or read about in the newspaper. And yet a part of us knows that we, too, can perform miracles.

Rekindle your ability to perform extraordinary feats by renting the movie, "Miracle." ( the DVD version includes an interview with Herb Brooks, who tragically died in a car accident before the movie was released.)

I can't say for sure, but I'll bet that whatever you want to achieve is not as monumental as what Herb Brooks set out to do in the 1980 Olympics. Perhaps it's time for you to embark on a bold dream, using your own innovative approach and a willingness to persist through all the obstacles. Then, one day, maybe we'll be watching the movie of YOUR miracle!

Happiness is a side Effect - Darren and Dibba McNees

"It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at something outside self." - Hugh Black

Have you ever met someone who said, "I am way too happy, I need a little more sadness in my life"? That kind of statement is much like saying, "I wish there was less oxygen in the air so it wasn't so easy to breath." No, the exact opposite is true. People want more happiness in their life. It isn't possible to have too much.

The answer to the happiness question is as varied as the people who ask it. The exact formula for happiness is different for everyone; however, there are some basic principles that apply to all of us.

"Happiness... leads none of us by the same route." - Charles Caleb Colton

In this Moment we will share 8 points for you to ponder.

1. Happiness and pleasure derived from external sources are highly uncertain, temporary and subject to change.

As an example let's say that your partner comes home one day and gives you a wonderful heartfelt card. Reading it makes you feel happy. That glow can last for several hours even several days. What happens when that is the last card you ever receive from him or her? What happens to your happiness if the very next day he or she comes home and starts yelling at you for no reason?

What about the person who wins the lottery? Surely a windfall of money will increase one's happiness. Ironically, many if not most of these people end up worse off financially after they win than before they won.

Money can't buy happiness. Earning more of it can relieve pressure and give you more opportunities and choices in life, but i can't make you happy.

Expecting to receive happiness from your boss, a raise, a promotion, more money, your children, your spouse, your parents, your friends, the weather, etc. is very risky business. To place your current and future happiness in the hands of others and circumstances is a surefire way to set yourself up for a life of unhappiness. Becoming accountable and taking responsibility for your own happiness gives you the power to experience it.

"When I have been unhappy, I have heard an opera.. and it seemed the shrieking of winds; when I am happy, a sparrow's chirp is delicious to me. But it is not the chirp that makes me happy, but I that make it sweet." - John Ruskin

2. Happiness has more to do with what you give than what you get.

It's the Law of Reciprocity - give and you will receive. Some of the happiest people we know are the most giving. Give whatever you want more of in your life. And the best way to give is to expect nothing in return. Give more love, more kindness, more concern, more money, more forgiveness, more patience and more of your time and happiness is sure to follow.

"Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again - this is the brave and happy life." - J.E Buchrose

3. Happiness is found in doing the things that give your life meaning.

In short, life has more meaning when you believe that you are living your life on purpose and for a purpose.

It's important that you love what you do and do what you love. Your family life and responsibilities, your life's work, hobbies, charitable work and how you spend your free time must all bring a sense of meaning and accomplishment to your life. The kind of happiness this creates isn't necessarily the same feeling you get when you open a present, but rather feeling of fulfillment.

True happiness isn't living the say life; it's living a fulfilling life. Some of the most rewarding experiences in life are also the most challenging. That doesn't mean that you have to become the President of a Fortune 500 company in order to be happy. A friend of ours told us a story about someone that he had met that demonstrates our point.

Our friend Paul met a man who loved his job. This man was a trash collector, a garbage man. He couldn't wait to go to work each day to see what people were throwing away. He also made it a point to take home some of the items that he liked. He loved what he did for a living and couldn't imagine doing anything else.

That's what we're talking about - do what you love and love what you do.

Don't look for happiness - look for an opportunity to make a difference.

"If you pursue happiness you'll never find it." - C.P Snow

One of the quickest ways to make a difference is by helping someone in need. Reach out and touch someone's life with a smile, a kind or encouraging word or by lending a helping hand. It doesn't take much to make a difference.

"in about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy." - Karl Reiland

4. Happiness isn't something to be sought after, but rather a byproduct of a life well lived.

"Happiness is not a station to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." - Margaret Lee Runbeck

5. Don't compare yourself with others.

"I just want to be an ordinary girl." - Princess Stephanie of Monaco

So what if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Why let that diminish your happiness? Live your life and let others live theirs. You aren't supposed to be like someone else. You are unique. What others have or don't have, say or don't say, do or don't do, doesn't add to or take away from the fact that you are a unique and fantastic person.

"If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are." - Charles de Montesquieu

6. Be the best you that you can and never mind what others are doing.

Happiness comes from a healthy self-love.

"Most true happiness comes from one's inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline." - E.L. Shirer

The only way to truly be happy with someone else is to first be happy with yourself. This is a very important point to grasp especially within the context of our intimate relationships.

So how do you become happy with yourself? Well, that is where the life-long pursuit of self-discovery and self-growth comes into play.

7.Beware of false happiness.

"False happiness is like false money it passes for a long time as well as the true, and it serves some ordinary occasions; but when it is brought to the touch, we find the lightness and alloy, and feel the loss." - Alexander Pope

This world is full of people who have looked for happiness in fame and fortune, success and achievement, relationships and experiences and have come up empty handed. One reason for this, as mentioned earlier, is misdirection (pursuing something with the goal being happiness) and another is selfishness.

Wanting fame, fortune, success, achievement and relationships for purely selfish reasons will never lead to lasting happiness. And achieving these things at the expense of others is a recipe for unhappiness.

Fame without accountability, fortune without generosity, success without integrity, achievement without priority and relationships without respect - all of these are but an illusion of success and happiness. But in the end, they show themselves to be only hollow counterfeits of the original.

"True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller

Wanting to better your life isn't wrong, but selfishness is. You can still strive for personal excellence while at the same time making a positive impact in your environment.

8. Happiness shared is happiness gained

"A joy that's shared is a joy made double."

According to Charles de Montesquieu, "False happiness," as mentioned above, "renders men stern and proud, and that happiness is never communicated. True happiness renders kind and sensible, and that happiness is always shared."

Share your happiness and good fortune with others and take joy in their accomplishments as well. When someone tells you good news, be excited for him or her. Applaud when a friend does something great. Praise a child for minor as well as major achievements. Compliment others and always look for people doing things right.

Increasing your happiness may not be as simple as improving your backhand in tennis, but it's something you can govern.

Be thankful in the good times and when in sorrow, know that this too will pass. Every morning gives us the chance to start all over again and every challenge gives us the opportunity to grow.

"Yes, there is Nirvana; it is in leading your sheep to a green pasture, and in putting your child to sleep, and in writing the last line of your poem."

My thoughts

My Understanding of You
From all that you've told me about yourself, this is what i have gathered from our 5 months together and the little bits and pieces that i've pieced together. ( Like a jigsaw puzzle =))

For most of your childhood, times were tough. But it was fun. You had a ball of a time as a kid, and you have deep and great respect for your Mum. Coz u appreciated the amount of effort and energy that it took for her to bring all of you up especially while your Dad was away.

Over the years, because of your loving nature, your kindness, and sometimes not knowing how to stand up for yourself, you have been hurt deeply. Which is why, you fear dishonesty and disloyalty from your friends and especially your loved ones. In a way, the fear became so bad, that you started to alienate people around you because you felt that they might all be wanting something from you or might eventually end up hurting you.

So, it seems like there are a lot of people that you know, and a lot of people that know you. But you've never been able to open up to anyone for fear of being hurt and being betrayed.

And thus, you keep a lot of your thoughts and feelings to yourself. And yet, everyone in this world needs someone that they can talk to, someone that they can trust. Because that is the nature of man kind. And that is where your wife comes in.

I believe, in your times of sadness and unhappiness, she came into your life and showed you love. Showed you that there is at least someone who would hold your hand and tell you that things are going to be alright. That no matter how bad things get, she will be there. That she was probably someone you felt that you could count on for the rest of your life. And for that reason, you fell for her.

Although you probably had other friends at the point when you met her, you were still suspicious of them and felt that they could not connect with you at the level which you needed to connect with them at. You probably felt that she had a deep understanding of who you were. But that was also because you were emotionally hurt at that point of time. So anyone who had come along, who had made the effort to spend time with you, care for you, loved you, showed you that they had no ill intentions would have made the cut.

Because you were also scared and lonely then, you spend a lot more time thinking and reflecting and the greatest fear of all human kind is FEAR of loneliness. And she was there at the right time and right place i guess. You were after all human and needed to have someone to share yourself with, the places that you've been, the things you've done. To give each other support and encouragement, to touch and feel each other. You hated that cold and lonely feeling. And she was there to bring some warmth and take that lousy lonely feeling away.

The Road You've Taken
Over these last couple of years, i feel that you have yet to put all your emotional baggage aside. There is still this great fear inside you. The fear of once again being lonely, not having anyone by your side to see you through life's challenging moments. And therefore, you cling on to the one thing that you know best at this point of time. Which is your wife. Or maybe over the years of being with her, you have truly come to appreciate and love her for the person that she is. And i must say she is a great and wonderful woman.

At the same time, there is a recurring theme that comes up in our past conversations. As i only have your version of the story, i have to take everything with a little pinch of salt. The fact is that, there is still this fear inside you. I remembered you told me once that your wife did leave you for a while while you were dating to see another man. And that fear has been inside you because you fear that she might one day leave you and you will be back to the time where there is no one by your side, no one you can trust, no one to give you love and warmth, no one to hold your hand. And all these are really scary feelings.

Having fear in a relationship might not be a bad thing. It might sometimes bring two people to further cherish what they have and time spent together will be more meaningful and useful rather then time spent arguing and fighting. However, when this fear does not help us, but in fact stops us from doing what our hearts and mind want us to do, that is when it is a bad thing.

The Missing Element
I'm not sure what the missing element is in your marriage. Coz only you have the answer to what is lacking, missing, that causes you to run out and look for LOVE outside. Because judging by the amount of 'i love yous' that fly back and forth between you and your wife, there is still something that these words cannot replace. Something specific that you are looking for.

From what i've seen and understood of you in this short time that we've known each other, i feel that you are no different from other human beings. Please don't take me wrongly. You are a really special and unique person in my heart. Yet, at the same time, you are no different from any man, woman on the street. Because, like any human being, you strive for companionship, you strive to be surrounded by other human beings. But here's the dilemma for you. You want human company, and yet you are afraid that these people might eventually hurt or harm you. And thus, you keep doing this little dance of yours, two steps forward, one step back.

Or maybe your ideas of Love is so grand that no one can match up to them. Maybe too many love novels? That only through death can real love be demonstrated? Truth is, love is just love. There are a lot of things you will do for a loved one. And you just know that there are no limits and boundaries. There is no need for the words to be said. In some ways, the love is unconditional. Filled with warmth, understanding, communication, trust and the most important of all, forgiveness.

What is Love?
How do you know you've fallen in love? You know because you can feel the amount of understanding that goes on between two people. You might not have known each other for a long time, and yet, somehow, you feel that you've known this person all your life. You feel safe with the person. You feel warmth. You feel like all you want to do is take this person into your arms.

Each of us have our ideas of how love should be. No one is right, no one is wrong. Once a long time ago, i told you that i stay faithful and loyal in a relationship because everyday, i find new things to love about the person that i am with. Which is why, i cannot say i love you from day one, neither do i believe in love at first sight. Because, love takes understanding, communication and trust. And all these cannot be built with one simple glance.

Each day when i see you, i find something about you that i didn't notice the day before. And for that simple reason, i love you more and more. But end of the day, to love is a choice. Everyone of us have a choice whether we want to acknowledge that love or not. And how much we want to love. Love also means forgiveness when i feel that you've hurt me either directly or indirectly.

I am no saint. I am no Buddha or i am not GOD. There will be times when i also face emotional turmoil, or i lose my cool. There will be times when i am scared of losing you as well and therefore do not share myself with you.

Where do i fit in?
When i first knew you, you struck me as someone who was searching. Someone who was lost, someone who was reaching out. At the same time, i was reaching out. So i guess it boils down to the word TIMING. You constantly reassured me that you'll be holding my hand no matter what happens and it made me feel so comfortable with you. You also made me believe that you knew that this was what you wanted. That you were sure of US. Because remember, i wrote earlier that the greatest fear anyone has in the world is the fear of loneliness. And as i got to know you more each day, lines of imperfection started to appear. That didn't make me walk away, didn't stop me from loving you more.

Because in my world, love is accepting and loving you for who you are despite your flaws, your imperfections. That there were times when i felt that you hurt me, and yet, i didn't stop loving you despite of that hurt. That's my idea of love and it might be different from you. Many times i have told you that i'll always be around to hold your hand, until the day you no longer want or need me to. But there was always one thing which i knew. That for two people to be together, they must be constantly helping each other grow to become better people. They must understand and accept each other strengths and weaknesses and do their best to complement each other. That there must be a constant vision of where they want to go and who they eventually want to be and how each person can help the other person achieve their dreams.

But more importantly, before a relationship can reach that point, or before a relationship can grow, there must be a BELIEF. As with all things we do in our lives, it all starts out as a belief. Do you believe you would be a horseman? Do you believe you can cook? Do you believe that your mum loves you unconditionally? And do you believe in US? If there is no such believe, then the truth is we are both wasting our time. Because, the it takes two hands to clap. And i can never build this relationship up on my own.


The person i choose to Love
I have always understood that love is never a 50-50 thing. I also believe that love is a feeling which you project for others. What do i mean by that? When you say you love your partner, the image of the person constantly pops up in your mind. When you are faced with a difficulty, the image o the person gives you a little more courage to deal with the problems that you are facing with. That you cherish each moment spent with the person and long for the person when the person is not there. You wish to tell the person even the smallest of things that happened in your day. When you are with the person, you don't have to hear the i love you, to FEEL the understanding, love, patience, care that the person has for you. Sometimes, just looking at you, the person knows what's on your mind or if there is something bugging you. You feel that you are not alone out there. And you know you have someone who really cares about you. You have your own friends whom you enjoy going out with, but you know that no matter where you go, whom you meet or what you do, you'll never feel as deep a love as you have for this person.

Love also comes at a price. If I say i love a person, then there will be things that i have to do that might sometimes inconvenience me. If you have ever read books or novels about love, then the love stories all have their tale to tell. Lovers not being able to get together, lovers having to die eventually. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? They believed in their love. Their love didn't come easy. Of course not all love stories are like that.

Why Marriage?
If you ask me if i believe in marriage, the my answer is YES! Do two people who love each other dearly definitely have to get married? Marriage is a commitment with the person that you love. Remember your wedding vows? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward till death do us part. I suppose when you truly love this person, it is something that you'll believe in and strive to do.

Someone not keeping their part of the vows doesn't mean you don't keep yours. If that is the case, then you are no different from the person that broke it. Don't stoop to someone else's level. Keep your own level and know what it is you want.

People don't keep their marriage vows because many people take the vows lightly. Either that or the person you married in the first place wasn't the person you really truly loved.

What you Told Me...
Remember you told me this afternoon about the 3 women in your life. The wife, the lover and the good friend. I think differently. I believe, that when you love someone, you would want this person to be all three rolled into one. Again, my ideas of love might not be the same as yours.

I believe the man i call my husband will be my best friend, someone that i can share my problems with. Someone that i enjoy going out with. Someone that will open his heart and mind to me. Someone that will be there to share my day with. I will have other male friends, but no one can replace the position of best friend that my husband has. I also believe my husband will be my greatest lover. That our love making session will be unique and even when we're old and aged, my husband will still enjoy tenderly kissing me, while we will still be passionate about each other. I also want to be the best friend my husband has. Sure, no marriage comes without fights and arguments. But we'll always be able to forgive each other because we love each other. We'll always be able to sit down calmly and talk to one another even after we've had the biggest disagreements.

But this sort of thing doesn't come easy. Of course having the right partner helps. And both parties wanting the same things helps as well. Is it possible? Of course it is. Because when you truly love a person, when you truly feel for a person, you would never want to hurt a person, and the feelings of comfort is just amazing. You will find new things to love each day about the person. That you will have no eyes for other people that come your way. Most importantly, you must first believe and trust that person.

My Words to you
No one other than you can make all of it happen. When you are unhappy with your wife, have you sat her down to tell her what you feel, how you feel and how she can help you? Or do you keep it bottled up? But before all that, do you really know what you want? What is it that you want from a relationship/marriage. If it is simply someone to be there with when you go home at night, then any woman will do. But realize that not every relationship works out. What is it that you really want? How do you view your relationship to be? And after you've sorted out your own thoughts, think of what you can do to make the current situation better. Know this as well, that if your partner loves you dearly, the person would put in effort to make it work and make it happen. Unless of course both of you have totally different visions. Then, you have to once again make a choice. Do you think for the rest of your life you can settle for less or do you not?

If you choose not to settle for less, then all great things come at a cost and a price. You need to stand up for what you believe in. And in the process, you might fall down once, twice. But know that there will always be people around for you to reach out to. I promise you, that when you reach out, someone's hand will be there. You are more lucky then anyone that i know. You have a Mum that dotes and love you, 3 children that adore you and hero worship you. =)

If you choose not to rock the boat because you are afraid of confrontations, then you can also choose to be happy. Happy with what you have and who you have. Be contented.

I love you dearly and hope that you will continuously strive for the best. Maybe like your mum? She also hopes you strive for the best and hopes that you will be happy. I also wish that of you. Not that i'm your mum lah =P Anyway, i hope my long long email has helped you in some ways. Like your mum, she'll never let go of your hand when you need her hand. But she also knows when you are a big boy already and need to take certain journeys on your own. I assure you, that i'll always be around too to hold your hand when you need me. That even if we go back to being just friends, i am always just a phone call away. That is my word and my promise to you. For the rest of my life! But if you choose to want to work at us, then you must show me your belief and conviction. And as much as i can be understanding and love you, i must also feel your love. If not, my belief and conviction will also run out one day.

Telling the Truth is a Loving Act - Michael Angier

The tendency in most organizations-- whether large companies,government departments or even family units-- is not to rock the boat and refrain from telling our truth. For a variety of reasons, we hold back from saying what's true for us. We may fear being ostracized, held up for promotion, ridiculed or even fired.
But that's not the way to greatness; that's the way to mediocrity or even failure. To grow, we have to tell the truth -- OUR truth.
I'm talking here about sharing what we believe, what we feel and what we think about things that matter.
Sometimes we hold back because we're protecting the person or persons we need to confront. Maybe we're not sure they can handle the truth. But we do them and ourselves a great disservice when we withhold our point of view. Telling the truth truly is a loving act.
Can you overdo it? Sure. And you should never use this to dump your judgments, righteous opinions or harsh criticisms onto another person. That's not what I'm advocating at all.
I'm recommending that we tell the truth with compassion. I'm suggesting we have the courage to speak up and let the chips fall where they may. If we've done our best to tell the truth with compassion, if we've been honest, if we've been genuine, and if we've not let our emotions cloud our judgment, we'll have done our part. As long as we've done it absent of malice or ulterior motives, it should be well received.
From time to time it will not be received well. When it isn't, we should make every attempt to be sure we've told our truth as responsibly and as compassionately as possible. As i've often said, the truth will set you free, but first it may tick you off.
It's not often easy to tell the truth. But it IS the path to EXCELLENCE> And it does get easier.

Action Point: What are your withholds? Where in your life are you holding back? What's been left unsaid that stands in the way of open, honest, clear communication and relationship?
With whom do you need to get clear? What do you need to communicate in order to feel complete?

Top 10 Ways to Confront without being Combative

1. Tell your truth with compassion
Always remember that your objective is to share your insight. It's not to be right or belittle the other. People can't hear and you can't inspire when you've triggered their defense mechanisms.

2. Seek first to understand
Before you confront or criticize, make sure you understand the situation. Your assumption may not be accurate. Take the time to understand as best as you can.

3. Ask questions.
No one likes to be told what to do. Used in the right way, questions can enlighten. "Would you be open to a suggestions?" "Are you aware that you do X?" "Have you ever considered doing X instead of Y?" "Would you be willing to do this differently?"

4. Speak from a position of personal responsibility.
"When you do this I feel this way. When you do thus and so, it affects me in this way."

5. Keep your emotions out of it.
If you have strong emotion attached to the situation you're probably in judgment of the other person. If your issues are triggered, it will likely obscure or distort the communication.

6. Start with a compliment.
Challenge the best that's within them. "I know you're committed to doing your best and what I saw today doesn't seem consistent with that commitment." Confront the behavior, not the person. Use the word "and" instead of "but" after a compliment.

7. Avoid sarcasm.
Leave this technique to TV sitcoms. It has no place when telling the truth with compassion.

8. Avoid absolutes
When you use words like "all", "every" and "never," you dilute the power of your statement. They serve to antagonize and it's rare these absolute adverbs are ever true.

9. Pick an appropriate time.
If possible, choose a time and a place that will enhance your message being heard with an open mind. Timing does matter.

10. Don't be attached to the outcome.
Say your peace without trying to control the behavior of the other person. Your responsibility is to deliver the message in a way that is understood, not to force change or control behavior.

11. Bonus: Don't "should" on people - or yourself for that matter.
When we tell people they should do something, we are subtly- or not so subtly- attempting to manipulate their behavior and we are judging them.

Nothing Can Stop You From Being Free

Many years ago, a young man set out on a journey to find a Sage to help him with his struggles with himself and his life. When he began this journey, he had only one thing in mind - an end to his pain.

He was told of an old man who lived far away in the mountains who had special powers - and the young man knew this old man could help him finally put an end to his demons and his struggles.

After journeying for what seemed to be years, the young man found the mountain range where the old man lived. He thought to himself, "My problems are nearly over!".

When he found the old man and asked him "Old man, I"m told you can help me rid myself of all my struggles and hardship - can you help me?"

The old man replied, "I'm sorry to disappoint you my young friend, but I cannot help you"

"But why? - I've come all this way - you have to help me!", the young man exclaimed.

"I cannot rid you of any of your problems, you can only do that for yourself" - the old man said.

"But you can't deny me the very thing i came all this way to find!", said the young man.

The old man took a deep breath and said: "I cannot deny you anything, you can only deny yourself".

"But, but.... I demand you help me -now! I've struggled for months to find you and I am not leaving until you help me" - the young man replied.

"My young friend, in time you will learn, the harder you struggle, the more will slip from your grasp. Learn to let go, step back from what you call "problems" and just observe the frantic attempts your false self makes at trying to save itself."

"The more you do this - the more you are certain of finally being free."

Th young man paused... took a deep breath and pondered the old man's wisdom. "help me with this old man... In order to be truly free, all I need to do is to step back and observe?"

"Yes, my young friend - take a deep breath and be intensely curious about your life situations - just like a child - whenever a problem arises, step back from the problem and just watch it, observe it, and let go of trying to solve it. "

"The rest will handle itself"

"But what about my worldly obligations? -bills, job, responsibilities you know - I can't just give them up?"

"Ahh, my young friend, you can let go of the conditioned minds feeble attempts at trying to fight against itself. When this inner struggle ceases, you have found the very freedom you've been seeking all theses years"

"I think I'm beginning to understand", said the young man.

"Indeed, I believe you are" said the old man.

"safe journey my young friend", I will see you again....

"Thank you old man - you've helped me beyond words"

"you are very welcome"



As a child, have you ever been to the beach or the playground and picked up sand? I remembered as a child, i loved the beaches. Very often, i'll use my hands to scoop up sand and bring it to my parents to show them. As a child holding on to the sand, i learned a very important lesson that was later transferred to how i viewed life.
If i allowed the sand to sit loosely in my hands, then by the time i reached my parents, they would still see the remnants of sand in my hands. However, when i clutch my fists in the attempt to hold on tightly to the sand, they easily slipped through my fingers. At first as a child, i was disturbed and upset. I wanted to keep the sand in my hand and therefore i had to hold it as tightly as possible. No? But subsequently, as i grew older, i realized that the lessons that i drew from the incident as a child, easily transferred to relationships.
The tighter i held on to a relationship because i was afraid of losing it, the higher the chance of losing it. Just like in the story of the boy who held the bird in his hands. If he held it too tightly, he crushed the bird and caused it's death.
By keeping my hands open and allowing the sand or in the case of the boy, the bird some space, we keep what we have.
Truth is, everyone needs their own space to grow and breathe.
I wish you understanding and wisdom so that you too can be free!

Comfort Zone or Danger Zone - Paul Huff

Our comfort zone is the living, working and social environments that we have grown accustom to. It determines the type of people we associate with, the lifestyle we accept or reject, our goals and aspirations, our performance level and the very quality of life we have. It's called our "comfort zone" because it's where we experience minimal discomfort. It's a place where we feel a sense of security and certainty. It's a nice, pleasant, cozy little hideaway we've made for ourselves. It's also a dangerous place to be.

Individuals and organizations are generally found in one of those following three comfort zone categories:

1) They are in their comfort zone and want to stay there. Individuals and organizations that find themselves in this category are basically in No-Man's Land. They have accepted the status quo as their destiny; therefore, no progress can be made.

2) They were suddenly thrust from our comfort zone and want back in. Organizational change has forced many people out of their comfort zone. They want to know when the changes will stop so they can get back to what is comfortable, what is safe. But there is no safety there. In fact, the bigger danger lies there.

3) They are dissatisfied with current conditions and want to move to another comfort zone. Dissatisfaction is a prerequisite to improvement. In order to grow and change, we must first be unhappy with our current state. To change our life style, establish a business, or succeed at a challenging project, we must realize that all meaningful and lasting changes come as a result of discomfort.

Over the course of our lives, we have learned to associate "comfortable" with good and "discomfort" with bad. Yet, all human progress is born out of discomfort. Every invention, from the telephone to the trash compactor, has been fueled by our dissatisfaction with existing alternatives. Organizations go from good to great because somebody decides that "good: is not good enough.

Likewise, individuals can only improve the quality of their relationships, health, finances and career when they are dissatisfied with their current situation. That's why our comfort zone is really our danger zone. Progress cannot be made and results cannot be improved upon from a position of comfort. Things get better when we become uncomfortable.

We must be willing to give up the life we have in order to create a better one. We must be willing to give up the certainty of what is in order to create the possibility of what might be. Certainly, when we date to tread outside our comfort zone, we may lose temporary footing. But not to dare means losing the person we could become, the life we could create, the expanded role we could play in the company, in the community and in the world.

Another Face Recognition..=)

Face Recognition

Getting Along With People - Zig Ziglar

Many years ago I heard a story concerning a Native American who said to a visiting missionary, "I like myself better when I am with you." That really is the ultimate compliment. When you make people feel better about themselves, you also feel better about yourself.

In Personnel Journal we read some excellent advice: "Everyone needs to feel he counts for something. If you recognize that need in dealing with people, you will learn to get along with them. Simply show by your actions that you know the other person is quite a person and watch his response. Lord Chesterfield told his son, 'Make the other person like himself a little bit more and I promise you that he will like you very much indeed.' This is one of the most valuable keys to successful human relations. Use it to make additional friends, to get more cooperation,to add magnetism to your personality.

Former insurance executive Walter Hailey adds to this when he advises salespeople to learn about the other person and his business, the more your prospect will assume that you know how to solve his problems. Not only that, he will think you are especially nice and very bright indeed.

How to Disagree and Still Win

No one likes to be corrected, even when they are absolutely wrong. Your prospect tells you he would never buy your product because it doesn't have the capacity to cross-file data to the 102nd mega-degree. You know that's not true, yet, if you come right out and tell him he's wrong, he'll resent you for it.

You could convince him logically of the fact that your product not only can cross-file data to the 102nd mega-degree (no, I have no clue what that means), but could also do it at the speed of light, while blindfolded.

The chances are, he will still say "no". He'll find a way to say "no" to protect his position anyway he has to because he feels his ego has been bruised.

Would you agree with that? At least nine times out of ten, right? We've all seen it happen.

Your boss gives you back a report you handed in and asks you to correct one area that you know was right. You researched it, checked and double checked it and you know it's right.

How do you suppose your boss will respond, however, if you simply tell her she's wrong, that your report is right? Is there a chance her ego may not appreciate that and she'll find a way to make it and you wrong, or look for something wrong on your next report? Unless this person is an extraordinary human being, you bet she will!

Why take a chance? Phrase your disagreement in a way the other person can live with and even appreciate. Take the onus off them and put it on your own 'lack of understanding'. This is truly winning without intimidation.

When having to disagree with someone's incorrect statement in order to get your point across and get what you want, it's often best to lead into the correction with statements such as, "Correct me if I'm wrong..." or, " I don't understand..." or, "Could you clarify something for me...?"

Pat tells you he can't deliver your new furniture by Friday. You "react" by saying, " You did it the same day for Dave Sprazinski on a special delivery order!"

Instead, why not "respond" with, "Joe, correct me if I'm wrong - you know these things much better than I do -weren't you able to get my friend Dave Sprazinski's furniture to him on some sort of, I don't know, special delivery order?"

Marjorie says, "I don't like how that looks in this particular order." Two days earlier, that's exactly the order she wanted it in and correcting it would cost you a whole lot of time and money. But if you come right out and tell her that, she probably won't budge an inch.

Why not lead into your statement with, "Marjorie, could you clarify something for me, because I want you to be totally pleased. I interpreted what you said to look this way. It really does work great, too, your judgement was right on the mark. Can we review this step-by-step?"

Keep in mind, when you have to correct someone who is wrong, you need to do this without offending them and their ego. Use diplomatic phrases that allow you to tactfully move into the information you need to express in order to get agreement from that person.


Get your point across without offending anyone and putting the person in a defensive mode. If not, even the best ideas will be wasted on deaf ears, because all the person is thinking at that point of time is, i'm not wrong, or it's not my fault or, you don't appreciate me. Test it out! Good luck!

Look Up and Paddle Hard

When i was 4 years old, I had a tricycle. I rode on it with all the gusto in the heart of a kid. I was happy, but I didn't like the paddling aspect of riding. It was "hard work" and tedious, so most times, I was pushed. I always needed help. Most times I begged for it. The cycle of dependency continued. A light push on a slope. Oh my! The downward roll was a thrill. A sure one. How I loved it. Now another problem, I always needed a slope. That means I was always returning to one spot. Static Movement.

Later on in life, I was too big to be on a tricycle. Learning how to ride a bicycle was the next thing to do. The next phase, so in a way i have graduated from the tricycle cadre. With all amount of youthful ecstasy and exuberance, I decided to learn how to use a bicycle. The only place I could get a bicycle to use was in my mum's village, where we go for holidays, once in about two years with my father's permission.

The next holiday, I was on my way to the village and next on the agenda was learning itself. One of my buddies decided to help me out;. He was a good rider. So we started the lessons. After the first trial he told me, "Don't look at the ground, if not you'll be scared and that will lead to loss of concentration. Look up and paddle hard." That advise to me was foolishness in a three-piece suit. The truth of the matter was that I wanted to learn riding in my own way. "How can I look up? I have to look down to see how I'm paddling" I fired back. Moreover, I thought to myself, that advice is from the village guy, I'm the one from town and I sure do have my way of doing things. With every thought and action of mine, I fought that principle of riding. The end result was that, I left the village after the holidays and didnt learn how to ride. This was way back in 1988.

Every time in class, when my mates talked about bicycles and their riding experience, I just excuse myself with the fact that " I didn't always have a bicycle when I was younger. I'm quite old now". Even when they offered to teach me the how of it, I declined. I was immobilized by my past failures. I never wanted to be laughed at. every break period, I watch others "fly" on their bikes. All I did was wish how I could be like them but to take the first step to be like them, I never ventured. i wish I could. I should have. All a bash of wishful thinking.

Then in 1995, I had private lessons in one of my teacher's house. The family had a bike and I watched the kids, young and old, strut their stuff on the bike. Some how I got into a private conversation with one of them and she told me she learned how to ride the previous year. Then it dawn on me that I wasn't late on learning. I know that you are not born with riding skills. You acquire it! I had no more excuses. Quickly, I confided in my buddy, Aniefiok Enoh, about my inadequacy. One evening we secured the bike for a private lesson and went out together. After my initial trials he noticed I had a problem. He stared at me eyeball-to-eyeball and said, "Believe you can do it and you'll do it. Don't look at the ground. Look up and paddle hard". That hit me like a thunderbolt.

I've heard that before or does Aniefiok stay in my mother's village? NO! He was only relaying a universal principle. I did as he said and that evening, I learned how to ride. That evening I got something I wouldn't trade for anything. It was the thrill of fulfillment. A delicious gladness and the unmistaken joy that swept my soul. A boyish grin that pushed my cheek upward was all over me and that grin I tell you could swallow a banana sideaways. That day, I realized I didn't need to be Jackie Chan, in order to ride a bicycle! I also learned from that experience that you don't wish success into being. YOu work at it. You look out for the underlying principle behind an operation, work wit it and with God on your side, success is scheduled. This is no magic. It's real. In order to get something that you don't have, you have to do something you have never done before. Get out of your comfort zone, stretch, strain, train, and aim. Before you know it, you are in. The Coliseum wasn't an accident, Faith Tabernacle, Ota was not wished into existence, Microsoft Corporation wasn't a mistake. Men worked on their dreams, they persisted, they brought forth and you are seeing it.

So let's come down to level ground. What's that dream of yours? That vision, that hope. Is it starting that business or proposing to that lady, going back to school? Then pick up the courage, cage the fear and do it. If it's hard, then do it hard. Enjoy the abundant life. Share in the thrill of fulfillment. This phenomenon is inexplicable but let me try to describe it. I's flying without wings, It's waking up to see that your dream was real, i's walking on air with the stars beneath you.

I will see you on the mountaintop where I'm heading. To get there, Remember... "Don't look at the ground. LOOK UP AND PADDLE HARD"

Scripting Your Life - Carol Gates

I remember a day some time ago when I felt overwhelmed by a mountain of trouble I really didn't want to climb. At the time, I had a hefty list of people and events, which I named and blamed for all the trouble, and my own name was notably missing from that list. Considering my unpleasant mood, it was a blessing indeed that a friend hung around long enough to pass along some advice which really got my attention. After listening as long as he could to the short version of my dilemma, he abruptly stood up and suggested, "Well, as sad as all that may be, it's just a photograph in time - it's not your whole motion picture, you know. Maybe it's time to re-write your script."

The instant those words were uttered, two visual images flashed across the screen of my mind: A tattered old black-and-white photograph lying in a memorabilia box, and the image of a major motion picture being played out on a screen in a dark theater before a large audience. I got the point - the big difference between freeze frame and live action - and experienced one of those "ah ha" moments which often launch a change for the better in our lives.

I began thinking about the milestone events which either froze me in my tracks or thrust me forward in the direction of my dreams. I closed my eyes and mentally hit the play button on the movie of my life so far, switching from fast forward to rewind, pausing certain scenes to observe what worked and what didn't work because of choices and actions on my part. I resisted the temptation to linger and mourn over missed opportunities and managed not to revel too long in celebration of past personal achievements. I simply spent some solitary time observing those life-changing events and the lessons they taught.

Then it hit me! I told myself, "This story isn't over - there's plenty of time remaining for such surprising twists and turns, and unexpected excitement! There's much more to write, perform, and produce." It occurred to me that I had been letting the story of my own life ramble, that it needed attention and direction. I had to know what i wanted in order to write a cohesive, congruent script. I was filled with a sense of urgency to being editing and producing a motion picture with impact, purpose and meaning. I began Scripting My Life.

I immediately discovered that scripting your Life is quite possibly the hardest work you will ever do. As a matter of fact, some people will argue that it's not even possible... that we don't have that much control over our own destinies. So the question is: How can you control your life script? It's been said that we only have complete control over two things in life: Our thoughts and our behaviors. Since every word we speak or action we take begins with a thought, it follows then, that our thoughts are the one thing we truly control. And our habitual thoughts, the thoughts we linger upon and focus our attention upon throughout our day, eventually show up in our lives as wishes come true. Therefore, in order to script your own life story, you must become the master of your thoughts.

In essence, it is our thoughts that write the story line we then act out through our words and actions. For instance, suppose that, as a small child, you may have seen another group of children playing on the playground and you longed to join them, yet you held on to a thought that said, "They won't want to play with me." Beliveing it, you hung back away from the group, alone. Then later, perhaps as a teenager, you considered trying out for a sports team, or joining the high school yearbook committee, and that same old voice whispered, "They probably wouldn't want me on that team, or that committee..." so you passed on the idea. And perhaps, at a later time in your life, as a young adult, you saw someone across a room to whom you were instantly attracted and decided to ask them for a date, but before you stepped up, that old voice said, "Who am I kidding? He/she probably won't want to go out with me anyway." Same thought, different day, scripting your life and creating missed opportunities.

What if you could re-write the script and create a new set of circumstances just by changing your way of thinking? You could do so by replacing the old limiting thoughts with positive new statements, such as, "I step out to do things I have never done in order to have things I have never had." Or, "I am important. My every thought, word and action makes a difference."

None of this is meant to suggest you can change your life simply by walking around with your head in the clouds repeating happy phrases. To the contrary, it takes vigilant attention and lots of practice to notice and then master your thoughts in order to script your own life story. You might catch yourself on a negative wavelength many times throughout the day and you might grown exhausted from the effort of turning those thoughts around. Like any endeavor, it takes a willingness to work at it combined with lots and lots of practice.

It's helpful to have reminders, trigger devices, strategically placed to help you pause and notice your thoughts all throughout the day. For instance, you might place a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that asks. "What are you thinking right now?" Or wear a special reminder bracelet on your arm, or hang a special keepsake from the rearview mirror of your car, or place a reminder item on your desk at work. The most important thing is to notice what you are thinking all throughout your day and then to replace any negative thoughts with something positive, empowering and productive.

I have been consciously practicing a better way of thinking for a while and the results have been amazing. Oh, sure, there are still mountains of trouble that sometimes cross my path, but a better way of thinking helps me to step right up and tackle the climb. So, what are you thinking right now? Does it support what you really want? Congratulations! You are Scripting Your Life...As You Wish!

Take Time To 'Fil 'Er Up' - Rhonda Hull

Have you ever been late for an appointment thinking there wasn't enough time to stop for gas, only to sputter, cough, and run out along the way? You then spend three times as much time cursing at the side of the road waiting for help than it would have taken to stop and 'fill up'.

In our busy lives we operate by the myth that speed is a requirement for success. Although it is a perspective that elicits a gasp from hardcore overachievers, the real truth is that focus is more fruitful than speed.

Often what appears to be speed is instead a refined art of spinning our wheels. This blind spot leaves us driven by an ever-increasing volume of information with the expectation that we must go faster and faster to handle it all.

We mistakenly believe that if we figure out how to do more in less time we will somehow be able to get it all done! Honestly, is there ever really an end to the TO-DO list?

Less than100 years ago over a two year period of time people took in information equivalent to what we are bombarded with each and every day? No wonder we feel so overwhelmed! We force ourselves ahead by the false belief that we must keep up with and digest the ever-increasing speed of information.



This mode of traveling the road of life is a certain method of self-sabotage and doesn't leave much time to enjoy the scenery along the way.

Durable happiness and authentic productivity become our traveling companions when we learn to identify our personal values, accept our worth, embrace our strengths and nurture our own well being.

If we don't stop to refuel our inner spirit we will get nowhere fast. We will be no further ahead, running on empty in the fast lane, and eventually will run out of gas still stuck in the same old rut.

Even though stress related illnesses are one of the leading causes of death, for some of us it would take a miracle to slow our pace.

Although we often aren't quite sure where we are going, we're making suck good time we refuse to consider stopping. The bad news is that we will stop one-way or another!

The good news is that miracles are time efficient. they are prompted by a shift in perception that allows us to realize the benefits of a more conscious pace. Durable happiness comes to us rather than is something we chase when we dare to drive-in rather than search outward for answers.

Happiness is not something you figure out, but rather invite in. When we take a YOU-TURN inward we are more likely to hear the wisdom and intuition that was shut off in our hurry.

When we coordinate our head with our heart, balancing our inner values with other demands, we actually move forward with greater energy, clarity, productivity and joy to everyone's benefit.

The greatest gift we can give another is to choose to take full accountability and responsibility for our own happiness. The miracle of greater happiness is ours when embrace ourselves as worthy enough to take time for ourselves. If you don't start your journey from this point you wind up fulfilling everyone's dreams but your own.

The road to joy is paved by being fully who we are in everything we do, having the courage to fully honor ourselves and by savoring the present moment.

When we clarify our own dreams and values we can more authentically be our self. When we are more genuinely our most loving self, we best serve others. When we know that we have lived well, and loved authentically we create the legacy marked by our journey.