"It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at something outside self." - Hugh Black
Have you ever met someone who said, "I am way too happy, I need a little more sadness in my life"? That kind of statement is much like saying, "I wish there was less oxygen in the air so it wasn't so easy to breath." No, the exact opposite is true. People want more happiness in their life. It isn't possible to have too much.
The answer to the happiness question is as varied as the people who ask it. The exact formula for happiness is different for everyone; however, there are some basic principles that apply to all of us.
"Happiness... leads none of us by the same route." - Charles Caleb Colton
In this Moment we will share 8 points for you to ponder.
1. Happiness and pleasure derived from external sources are highly uncertain, temporary and subject to change.
As an example let's say that your partner comes home one day and gives you a wonderful heartfelt card. Reading it makes you feel happy. That glow can last for several hours even several days. What happens when that is the last card you ever receive from him or her? What happens to your happiness if the very next day he or she comes home and starts yelling at you for no reason?
What about the person who wins the lottery? Surely a windfall of money will increase one's happiness. Ironically, many if not most of these people end up worse off financially after they win than before they won.
Money can't buy happiness. Earning more of it can relieve pressure and give you more opportunities and choices in life, but i can't make you happy.
Expecting to receive happiness from your boss, a raise, a promotion, more money, your children, your spouse, your parents, your friends, the weather, etc. is very risky business. To place your current and future happiness in the hands of others and circumstances is a surefire way to set yourself up for a life of unhappiness. Becoming accountable and taking responsibility for your own happiness gives you the power to experience it.
"When I have been unhappy, I have heard an opera.. and it seemed the shrieking of winds; when I am happy, a sparrow's chirp is delicious to me. But it is not the chirp that makes me happy, but I that make it sweet." - John Ruskin
2. Happiness has more to do with what you give than what you get.
It's the Law of Reciprocity - give and you will receive. Some of the happiest people we know are the most giving. Give whatever you want more of in your life. And the best way to give is to expect nothing in return. Give more love, more kindness, more concern, more money, more forgiveness, more patience and more of your time and happiness is sure to follow.
"Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again - this is the brave and happy life." - J.E Buchrose
3. Happiness is found in doing the things that give your life meaning.
In short, life has more meaning when you believe that you are living your life on purpose and for a purpose.
It's important that you love what you do and do what you love. Your family life and responsibilities, your life's work, hobbies, charitable work and how you spend your free time must all bring a sense of meaning and accomplishment to your life. The kind of happiness this creates isn't necessarily the same feeling you get when you open a present, but rather feeling of fulfillment.
True happiness isn't living the say life; it's living a fulfilling life. Some of the most rewarding experiences in life are also the most challenging. That doesn't mean that you have to become the President of a Fortune 500 company in order to be happy. A friend of ours told us a story about someone that he had met that demonstrates our point.
Our friend Paul met a man who loved his job. This man was a trash collector, a garbage man. He couldn't wait to go to work each day to see what people were throwing away. He also made it a point to take home some of the items that he liked. He loved what he did for a living and couldn't imagine doing anything else.
That's what we're talking about - do what you love and love what you do.
Don't look for happiness - look for an opportunity to make a difference.
"If you pursue happiness you'll never find it." - C.P Snow
One of the quickest ways to make a difference is by helping someone in need. Reach out and touch someone's life with a smile, a kind or encouraging word or by lending a helping hand. It doesn't take much to make a difference.
"in about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy." - Karl Reiland
4. Happiness isn't something to be sought after, but rather a byproduct of a life well lived.
"Happiness is not a station to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." - Margaret Lee Runbeck
5. Don't compare yourself with others.
"I just want to be an ordinary girl." - Princess Stephanie of Monaco
So what if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Why let that diminish your happiness? Live your life and let others live theirs. You aren't supposed to be like someone else. You are unique. What others have or don't have, say or don't say, do or don't do, doesn't add to or take away from the fact that you are a unique and fantastic person.
"If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are." - Charles de Montesquieu
6. Be the best you that you can and never mind what others are doing.
Happiness comes from a healthy self-love.
"Most true happiness comes from one's inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline." - E.L. Shirer
The only way to truly be happy with someone else is to first be happy with yourself. This is a very important point to grasp especially within the context of our intimate relationships.
So how do you become happy with yourself? Well, that is where the life-long pursuit of self-discovery and self-growth comes into play.
7.Beware of false happiness.
"False happiness is like false money it passes for a long time as well as the true, and it serves some ordinary occasions; but when it is brought to the touch, we find the lightness and alloy, and feel the loss." - Alexander Pope
This world is full of people who have looked for happiness in fame and fortune, success and achievement, relationships and experiences and have come up empty handed. One reason for this, as mentioned earlier, is misdirection (pursuing something with the goal being happiness) and another is selfishness.
Wanting fame, fortune, success, achievement and relationships for purely selfish reasons will never lead to lasting happiness. And achieving these things at the expense of others is a recipe for unhappiness.
Fame without accountability, fortune without generosity, success without integrity, achievement without priority and relationships without respect - all of these are but an illusion of success and happiness. But in the end, they show themselves to be only hollow counterfeits of the original.
"True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller
Wanting to better your life isn't wrong, but selfishness is. You can still strive for personal excellence while at the same time making a positive impact in your environment.
8. Happiness shared is happiness gained
"A joy that's shared is a joy made double."
According to Charles de Montesquieu, "False happiness," as mentioned above, "renders men stern and proud, and that happiness is never communicated. True happiness renders kind and sensible, and that happiness is always shared."
Share your happiness and good fortune with others and take joy in their accomplishments as well. When someone tells you good news, be excited for him or her. Applaud when a friend does something great. Praise a child for minor as well as major achievements. Compliment others and always look for people doing things right.
Increasing your happiness may not be as simple as improving your backhand in tennis, but it's something you can govern.
Be thankful in the good times and when in sorrow, know that this too will pass. Every morning gives us the chance to start all over again and every challenge gives us the opportunity to grow.
"Yes, there is Nirvana; it is in leading your sheep to a green pasture, and in putting your child to sleep, and in writing the last line of your poem."
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