I'm not so sure anymore

I often wonder what i like best about myself.
I guess it could be the fun and spontaneous me. The me that thinks up of a million and one things to do on any given day. The me that can be both serious and fun loving at the same time. The me that has the capacity to love and love again and again, to stay optimistic despite the negativity. The me that is proud enough to say i believe, and yet, humble enough to say i'm sorry.
But of late, i'm beginning to like myself less. I'm no longer as fun and spontaneous anymore. I guess it's not really that. But it could be because i'm so careful in not hurting the people around me and close to me. The not hurting part is in itself another thing i like about myself. The capacity to empathise, sympathise and to have care and concern for the feelings of those around me. The imagination to put myself in their shoes and walk their path.
I too struggle with the emotions that engulf me. The feelings of wanting more for myself. And as i grow older, the giving of my heart is bounded by the primary or secondary benefits that i derive from giving. And thus, as i grow older, i begin to be less selfless and more selfish. And i begin to like myself less as it doesn't quite fit the personality that i would have liked to have.
Sure. Personalities can change over time. But as i grow older, and the inclination for fun, changes etc delude me. I would rather sit on my ass, in my little comfort zone and whine about why and how unfair this miserable life of mine is. True! I could probably spend less time whining and more time putting change into action. You see, end of the day, all of us have our little comfort zones and little circles that we bind ourselves up in. Very often, we see change as something bad. But why should it be?
I remember writing the post that everything we needed to learn in life, we learnt in kindergarten. And how true. Remember the days when we were curious about everything. And i mean everything. But i suppose when they say experience shapes a man, it's true. But that shouldn't take the kid out of all of us. We should draw the lessons we're meant to have out of these experiences and still be brave enough to be curious, to go out and search for something new. To look at each day and marvel at how much more we've learnt today. And each day, we should believe we were wiser then the day before.
It's one thing to hide behind a wall and mask of pain and hang on to emotional baggage because we refuse to let go of the feeling so that we can be constantly reminded of how to protect ourselves. Instead, we should leave our heavy load where they were, keep in our minds what could be and walk on and cover as much ground as possible.
Anyway, i guess, there really isn't a good or bad experience. Just an experience. Ok. Maybe there are bad experiences. Stuff like murder, rape, accidents, war etc But other then the major traumatic events, everything feels good or bad only coz we attach our own form of emotions and emotional understanding to them.
So on this note, i'm off in search for the me that i used to like a lot more.
The me that was fun, the me that was full of love, of zest, of life, of adventure. The me that gets back quickly after a fall, brush off the dirt and ask, how could i have done it differently and start running again. Rather then the me that falls and says, ouch that hurts. I don't ever want to fall again. And so, i don't ever want to run again.
Have a great day you all!