Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Goodbye 2008.

The year is coming to a close in probably another 1hr 20min time based on my very inaccurate clock. Looking back into the year, i would say there have been many more downs then ups. I wish there was more that i could say about 2008. But on the whole, it has not been a very satisfactory year. Mostly due to some of the choices i've made.
Looking ahead, i am hoping that 2009 will be a better year. And i suppose with anything that is worth the price, there will be a lot of discipline involved. I'm not sad to see 2008 go past. And i should be happy to welcome in 2009. But somehow, i guess i'm feeling a little gloomy coz i'm coughing my lungs out and my nose has decided to run away. Not the best of ways to end the year and welcome the new year. But, oh well... life goes on.....
Not in a mood to blog, but figured i had to write something. Happy New Year you all. Hopefull your year went better and the new year will have more things to look forward to! Cheers

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Day after

Yup. It was a horrid day yesterday. He was acting up and acting childish. Maybe as i feel more and more disheartened, all i want to do is withdraw inwards.
We met today for breakfast. I know he was feeling down. I played the role of the friend perfectly. I listened and i didn't make any comments. Afterwards, he said he didn't want me to ask him so many questions. I sms and replied him that i would play my role perfectly.
But at that point of time, all i could think of was, i suppose all of us have roles to play and perfect in whatever we do. I remember i wrote once that we are all sisters, daughters, mothers, friends, teachers etc. But isn't it pointless for him to not be able to accept me for who i am? That my questions stem out of concern rather then being kaypoh.
But if it makes him happier, that's what i'll do. I keep reminding myself that its for the next 30 days only. But it's easier this way as well i guess. The more he acts up and treats me this way, the more i am fearful and scared of him and withdraw inwards. So i suppose that is the silver lining to the cloud.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Not so favourable day

Today, i noticed he was a little down and grouchy. I really just wanted to cheer him up. Not that i didn't need any cheering up myself. I did too. But as usual, with me, i guess when he is happy, he makes me happy as well. I suppose i have to understand that he is feeling a little down. And not take what he says to heart. But it really is getting more and more painful hanging on.
Sometimes, the words that you say hurt someone whether or not it was intentional. I guess today was one of those days. I bit my tongue and held back the tears. Because i've come to realize that we cannot both be grouchy on the same day. It just doesn't work this way.
The days that i hold dear in my heart are gone. I know i have to accept this. But why is it wrong when i just want to cheer him up and make him happy? Or is it my very presence that is upsetting him? Whatever happens, i wish him happiness.... sighz

Sunday, December 07, 2008

戴愛玲-對的人

阿沁-其實還愛你



I still feel the same way. It's been a month...

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The week passed

The week on the whole was rather curious. Resigned after a huge fight in office. So started looking for a new job. Went through a whole series of self doubt. Weekend was spent at the races working, and then came Monday all over again. Tuesday is now over. Picked up a one off event to do this Thursday and have been mostly occupied with the event and rehearsals. Have been quite busy bee.
Still haven't stopped thinking about him. But trying to text him less and being less emo and attention seeking. Although at times, i still feel a little down. Especially when i wake up and feel all weird and queer. It's times like that where i wish he was still around to give me a big hug and tell me things will be fine. But i guess, i also need to learn to stand on my own two feet. Other then that, nothing much i guess.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Li Jiu Zhe - Jie Tuo

爱永远都是难题
失去分寸太容易
谁都是凡人不够小心翼翼
有时候忘了珍惜
伤害来的太无意
有时爱太急需要空间呼吸
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱
连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
让你哭泣对不起为了爱承受委屈
说过的承诺其实还没忘记
愈是在乎的关系愈是相处不容易
伤害了你我也失去勇气
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过
遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱
连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
走到感情关键时候却握不住你的手
还能有什么藉口让爱再回头
多少的爱说不出口
就让时间帮我说话
我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过