I am an optimist. I refuse to compromise on the quality of the relationship whether it is from day one or on day one hundred and one or one thousand and one. I like a genuine man who gives it to me as it is rather then paint the most beautiful picture and later take that painted picture away.
So, what do you do when the flames die out? When you realize that this man was an empty shell in the first place. Do you give more in hopes that that empty shell will produce a pearl, or do you walk away knowing and thinking that you have once again made another serious judgement error.
When the flames die out, the question is, do you want to compromise. As much as i say i am an optimist, i find myself becoming weak in this pursuit of his love. But ironically, i read in a book, that love is a feeling. You either feel it or you don't. And right now, i just don't. I feel like i'm constantly being brushed aside, pushed aside. That only his feelings matter. Only i have to be understanding about the situation that he's in. Only i have to wait for him to turn up, for him to call, for him to be around. When i'm sad and down, he can't be around. And all i'm hearing is, i'm sorry.
When he can't bring me out after he has promised, all i hear is i'm sorry. it's not my fault. after i have caught him lying, he says, i'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel hurt and upset and was thinking for you. After all the I'm sorry's, it sure doesn't feel and mean like it already.
Maybe the truth is, end of the day, all relationships are just a mind game. And for all men, the thrill is in the chase. And with all things, once you've caught the prey, then it's time to move on and look for a new prey. I can't help feeling like i was once again the fool. Honestly, do i really have the words 'SUCKER' typed on my forehead?
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