I guess all that has happened over the past week since last Saturday has really made me wake up and forced me to take a step back. Nothing in this world is for certain i am sure. Nothing is certain except for death and taxes and CHANGE. But i guess maybe at the back of my mind, i always told myself mentally that i should be prepared if anything bad were to happen. I guess it has to do with the fact that initially, the picture that he painted wasn't a very rosy one. And as we got to know each other better, i realized that his words were sugar coated and he wasn't truthful right from the start. That when he painted a picture of a wife who was unfaithful, who didn't give a damn, it so wasn't true.
I guess the experience last week was a huge WAKE UP call. I realized that in that one incident, he wiped away the few months of love, joy, happiness.
Truth is this. End of the day, the only thread that is holding us together is the fact that i'm currently now free to keep him company as and when he needs company. Go out for dinners, go hang out, chill out. But this cannot be for the long term. And when that phase passes, then i guess it's the end. SO why wait till it ends? Why not end things now when i have the chance?
I guess a lot of thoughts have been floating in my mind lately. Maybe because of his wife being suspicious, and him cowering in the corner. Maybe actions speak louder then words, and his actions shouted out and reiterated the fact that he needs her a lot more then he needs me. And subsequently, i guess i looked at what i really wanted in life and i know, a life of secrecy, a life of having to give in to someone all the time, to accomodate his needs, to place his needs above me is not what i want. So, it'll hurt for a while i'll bet. I'm sure it'll hurt.
But time dulls the wounds. I'm sure of that. My blog is a testimony to this idea. After the tears are washed away, after the ache stops hurting, life goes on. Sure it does. I'm sure it does. All i have to do is believe!
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