Feeling damn emo and grouchy today. So decided to post a little. The day started well and bright. Was up early despite a late night out. Woke up with more then sufficient time to spare to take my own sweet time to go to work. Reached work before morning meeting, so still considered early. Somehow, the day seemed to go downhill from there.
I really don't know at which part it started to turn. Or maybe it's just my reaction to him.. Or his lack of action, emotions on his part. Ok... I know it really has been a while and i so damn well should have moved on and all.. but i still look forward to seeing him.. And it's been such a routine lately that when it is changed, i get thrown off and uncomfortable.
Honestly i'm damn glad for him. He's been doing so well lately and i wish i could be doing as well as him or even better. Or maybe if i really did focus, i would. But i can't help but want to see him and spend time with him. I wish i was stronger and better then that.. but unfortunately i'm not.
It'll be a lie to say that once i hit club 30s, i'll let go and move on. I can't deal with this any longer. I really don't have the will power and strength to pretend. I can't. I give up. And maybe that is a good thing. Because at some point, i know i'm the sort that has to be so disheartened that i give up. And then, there will be no more looking back.... Sighz..,. i really need to find my life back.. just don't know where to start and where the hell it went... =(
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