The clock cannot be turned back

It funny how i like to sit and ponder and wonder how it would be if i could turn back time. But the truth of the matter is that i can't. And i can only make the best of the present.
I thought about our friendship and how it had developed over the last few years. Or rather, how it has degenerated. And i was glad we had the talk that we did in the car. But over the last few weeks, somethng dawned on me. And maybe it was your unique way of teaching me a lesson or rather your unique way of showing me somethng. I realised only just how futile was my attempts to change TG's impression of me.
Maybe it was just like you. You could never change your impression of me, as when i first knew you, i was still a girl in her teens. And i wanted so much to share whatever it was that i had with you. I wanted to share your life, your ideals, and for us to have our own companionship. But i guess you were against it so much then. And i was so confused by your actions. It took me 10 years to get an answer. And i'm glad i did. For your answer has led me to realise just how difficult it would be for TG and i to ever get together.
You showed me that ideals and ideas do change over the years. But the fact is, i was always the impatient one and had no time to wait for you to change your mind about the relationship that we were having. More importantly, at that point of time, i was merely a student to you. And i could never hope for my status to be elevated to that of a friend, or a partner. And the clock ticked, and time went by. I was in college by then. I still did all i could within my means to make you happy coz u were the most important person to me then. And yet, there was one bridge that i could not cross. And finally, i found someone else to replace the affections.
Time has been cruel to us. Or maybe, it was just the fact that we were both proud creatures, unwilling to be the first to make a move or compromise. And our friendship became water under the bridge. But i knew how much it hurt me. And never did i realise how much it hurt u. And when we finally talked, i realise just how much hurt one can cause to the person that we treasure so much.
I'm glad we're friends all over again. Sharing something that is so precious and beautiful. But the truth is we can never turn back the clock. And maybe with this regard, i will meet future challenges. And also i will know that TG and i were never meant to be in the first place. I would know that all we had was a dream of one person who loved dearly. And the other person was merely trying it out. Obviously not hard enough. But then again, maybe it was the wrong time. And for that, i can only wish that at some point of time, it would be the right time with the right person. For now, i am truly thankful for that one more chance to work things out between us. I really really love you lots.