I just got back from Hong Kong a week ago. It was fun on the whole. I mean which free trip isn't fun. But i guess i didn't do as much this time round as i would have liked to. It didn't feel really as fantastic as my last trip back up. Maybe because this time round, both cousins are attached and we only managed to meet up to party once before i left. Or maybe things between TG and myself felt more dull this time round. I bunked over at his hotel for two nights. Before i go into the nitty gritty details, i must say that the Four Seasons Place has a fantastic view. I guess that's why it costs so much just to stay for a night.
Anyway, we did spend some time chatting and catching up. And although sex wasn't as good as it could have been, i guess its partially due to me. I wasn't quite in a mood to do anything. Maybe just cuddling and sleeping would have been perfect. But i realise that we're not a couple, and therefore, the above just doesn't feel right anymore. It was kinda sad. Sometimes i feel, between us, there is just too many words that are unsaid. And yet at times, its the one question too many scenario. And maybe its the internal battle that i feel i am constantly fighting.. That i feel all weird.
Being with him is special. And yet, i guess that gap between us is just too wide. Its like trying to put a jew and Hitler together. I guess that's the best analogy i can come up with. And its sad. Things just aren't working out as they should be.
There are some promises that one makes to oneself. And it takes a lot to keep to them. And try as i might, i cannot seem to do it. I guess someone would tell me, coz u are only trying and u are not making it a must.
Today, i tot of something, just what is the value of friendship? Can 2 friends sleep with each other, walk away and still be friends? Many a times, i think of my relationship with the people around me and i get reminded of Carrie in Sex in the City. Like Carrie, i seem to be perpetually poor and although i seem to be outspoken and intelligent on the outside with great views, and people want to hang out with me, my relationship with friends and men aren't all that great.
Thinking about TG and myself, i get reminded of Carrie and Mr Big. There is so many similarities, and yet at the same time, i guess it's not the same. Do friends really stay angry with each other? And do they really get upset over petty issues? Sometimes, i find that it is hard to understand a person. Just what does a person want? If it was a normal friend, i'll say fuck it and move on. But when it is someone that i treasure a lot, how then can u say fuck it? And exactly how long is the cooling off period where you do not talk to each other? And how long before you can call and pretend nothing happened? And how long before the other party caves and gives in and you are friends all over again. Sometimes, i miss being young again. Where friendship was as simple as just sharing a drink or hanging out together after school. Did we really stay angry with our friends for long back then?
As i ponder about the value of a particular friendship, i turn my thoughts to just how far does a friend go to ensure that the friendship is smooth sailing? And at the same time, is someone who chooses to ignore me, actually worth my friendship and all that trouble? Am i merely a fair weathered friend, or is my friend the one who is fair weathered? So many questions, so many sides to a once so simple ideal. Have i finally lost it?
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