Today, i was in office when my hp rang. It was an overseas call and it was definately unfamiliar. But being the monkey that i was, i decided to pick it up. Well, actually i confess, i tot it was him calling, and so i picked it up. Imagine my shock when it was some girl, asking for me. First thought that ran through my mind was, who do i know? And she introduced herself, said she was his gf. And then panic hit me. Did something happen to him? Was he alright? And then, she started questioning me, asking me who i was, and how i was related to him. And i knew. This was the phone call that i had dreaded all along.
Funnily enough, i never expected that it would come from his gf. At the back of my mind, i always thought Guardian's wife would be the one that gave me the dreaded call. Maybe albeit the bochup attitude that i've come to adopt over the past few years, that since i'm single, i'm entitled to go out with and date anyone, i realised that deep down, i haven't changed. That somewhere beneath all the stuff i've thrown over the old me, its still lurking somewhere beneath.
I told her i was his buddy and brother. I so very much wanted to say, hey, i'm simply adore him and if you're stupid enough to give him up and if he would even give me a second look, i'll be more then willing to take your place. And yet, i knew i could not do it. Because, each time i talk to him, i hear his love for her.And each time i talk to him, i know that i don't even stand a chance to him. That sometimes, things are just not meant to be coz there is no chemistry. And for that, i respect that its what he wants and desires. And when you get what you want and desire, you will usually be happy. And i guess, bottom line is, i wanted him to be happy. So, i did the right thing, told her i was his buddy/brother and told her he loved her a lot. And i guess in a certain perverse way, that wasn't all that false. He does treat me like a buddy. Maybe the brother part is pushing it, more like sister. And i definately didn't lie when i said he loved her a lot.
And then, she started crying and said that she loves him dearly and that all she needed to know from the phone call was whether he was a decent man and whether he was lying to her. And i reassured her. And she cried even more. It tore my heart to hear the anguish in her voice. Coz i know i was there before. And so i said all the things that i would have said. About trying to work things out, calling him, trusting him, coz if she's there and he's here, then trust would feature greatly. And i apologized that my sms to him in the middle of the night started their fight. And i stood up for his character. And considering the short time i've known him, i guess that was a stretch. You know i suck at lying.
Anyway, she told me it was over. And started sobbing again. And when she finally stopped, she said thank you for listening and understanding and put down the phone.
Honestly, if you ask me, i felt miserable. I felt that somehow, my actions have caused a dear friend of mine his loss of happiness. And i know that i've moved away from Guardian already, but it made me think that i've become the very person that i didn't want to be. I never went near a man if i knew he was attached or dating someone. I'll probably keep two arms length away from him to avoid having a misunderstanding with his wife, And here i was, sleeping with the enemy. And giving myself silly and petty excuses as to why i do it. And then, i meet a really nice and charming friend, and within 3 weeks of knowing him, ruins his life long happiness with a woman he loves.
I smsed him to apologize. Of course being the sweet guy he was, he said it wasn't my fault. And that he was sorry. How could he be sorry to me when if i had kept my itchy fingers to myself, or had more self restraint, none of this fight would have occurred? We talked for a while coz he called, and i'm just glad he was fine. Coz she told me he left her in the morning and they parted ways. And i was worried i guess. Admist feeling bad about spoiling their relationship, i was truly worried about him. Coz i felt the trip must have meant a lot to him, especially since he flew off the next day after returning from a working trip. And because she meant so much, i really feel like i should try to help him win her back. Simply coz i feel that he is a special man. But what can i do? I feel quite at a loss really.
I just hope he is fine and that he is not too sad about the break up. Or that if things work out, they had a talk and she would try harder to bring happiness to him. But i guess i still feel bad.. only coz i remembered a phone conversation we had once. And he said if i really cared about someone, i would not want to put him in a spot. And it was those very words that made me decide with conviction that things between Guardian and i have been going on for way too long. And that i never want to hurt him by carrying our relationship coz in the end, both he and his wife would be hurt. And then, here i care about this man. And i have indirectly caused his hurt and pain. Oh well, guess i would just have sleep on it. And if he calls when he returns, then i know he has forgiven me and still accepts me as a friend.
Cheers
No comments:
Post a Comment