I never expected it would hurt this much after all these years. But i guess, its like having an old wound opened up once again. And maybe, just maybe that's why it hurts more. We've been through this so many times. And each time, the same thing happen. And i shed a tear not knowing whether its because i think this really is the end. Or because, for a moment i was really into it.
Sigh. I really don't even know what to write any longer. I've played it out a million and one times. And each time, i get to the same stage where i ask myself, why did i choose to walk down that same road once again? I have no answer. Maybe its the fact that human nature is always just so comfortable with the things they are familiar with. And i am no different. I am a creature of habit. Maybe it's good that we talked things out. Better now then another 5 yrs down the line. Better now, then when i am so deep into it that i cannot get out. But it still hurts.
Seems like yesterday only when i cried buckets full when he told me the exact same thing. And yet, now that i look back, its been 6 years already. For all the talk about love and all the promises, they have turned out to be once again too shallow to withstand anything. Were we even an item? Did anything even happened? Even i am confused at this stage.
In the past, i would have demanded to see him, face to face and trash things out. And now, i don't any longer. Coz i know, after all these years, he still hasn't changed. He's still the him i knew 10 years ago. And maybe, i have grown weary of being his pit stop all these years and playing second fiddle to his current flavour of the month. Just once, i want to be valued. And i want to be important.
Oh well, better now then later actually.
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