It was a typical thursday night. I wanted to go to my usual hangout. I mean i have not been there for like 2 months. It was interesting as i thought i would not only get to see superman but also our mr tour guide who seems too busy to meet up and go out with me but is always ready to call superman out. Maybe they do share a certain friendship that i am non-privy to? I'm not sure really. But it makes me sad. Anyway, saw a rather cute character standing behind robbin leong. A certain Mr Jimmy Tee if i am not wrong. Superman said he would introduce.
Finally, after eons, MR JT finally walked over with MR RL. And Superman did in fact introduce, we shook hands before they said that they were gg to leave. And so they did. And that was when my usually quite sensitive brother asked why i looked so glum.. then superman decided to shoot his mouth off. Or maybe he felt it was time to give me another of his timely and worldly advice which was in fact not timely and for once, maybe worldly but definately not appropriate at that time.
Superman: why you look so glum?
Me: Nothing lah...
Superman: Not that i never introduce the nice men to you. Just that you fail to capture their hearts becoz you are not in their league. Anyway, JT is a v nice guy.
Me: That's what you said about tour guide too
Superman: Yeah. But you also cannot win his heart. But when Cow was crazy about you, you din't appreciate it. In the end break up liaoz then you regret. Why did you break up with Cow? I'm not trying to undermine you. Just that you should know where you stand. (Wow.. words of wisdom??)
Me: Hello.. i didn't beak up with COW. He dumped me ya?
Superman: So why you look so glum. My dad's dying in 3 mths time and i look happier then you do......
Alright... So, what have i gathered from the above conversation? The same things that i have told Tour guide about the last time. We both live in different worlds and we both have different expectations in life. Plus, we are of different classes... If that is still prevalent in today's society, then i fall into the peasant class while he is that of aristocracy.
Anyway, when all that is said, i went on to sulk and be grumpy before leaving the once so beautiful place. And then i sms Superman to say that if he treats me like a sister to not bring up COW in our conversations ever again. You do know why right? But i can't fault him coz i can't tell him why. Or can i? He never asked.. and so i don't know how to say. And yet, it pains me beyond words and description.
Friday: sent an email to tour guide the day before. He has finally replied in his cool and collected manner.. as usual. One of the traits that i am attracted to him by. Anyway, i sms him despite my greater knowledge not to to ask him out for dinner. His reply was dinner function, later can? And mine was, can, you call me lah. And would you be surprised to know that he didn't call or sms. I finally dropped him another sms at night saying that, "hope your dinner function went well. Thanks for replying to the email. I've read it and understand the points put across. Sorry if i've been demanding too much of your time. " What else could i reply? He didn't even bother to reply as usual. Anyway, i've returned his email with words on my own. It is really difficult to like someone who doesn't return that liking. And finally, i am at Saturday morning.
Me, myself and i doing my own reflections as to what has happened and also as to what i should do with the rest of my pathetic life and my not so worthy life. I mean, am i really that bad a person? Besides the fact that i have no outward beauty, my inner beauty shines through. DOes it not? And besides the fact that i don't have a beautiful figure, surely my efforts at working towards it is important. Is it not? Why am i rationalizing what kind of person i am? I know for a fact that i am alright. Maybe i will never fly in the high circles. But is taht just a limiting factor that i have put on myself? Or is Superman right?
FOr that i'll never know. Unless i can come to that conclusion on my own. As for now, i know that i have inner beauty. And as for outward appearances, i am not ugly. THere are no ugly women in the world, only lazy ones. And i am not lazy. I will continue to strive to be a better person. As for intellect? Who knows? Are you as intelligent as i am? Or are you merely worldLy? And that i will get to there when i am half your age? Alright.. time to sign off. I'm tired. TIll the next time, happy living everyone
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