He's back. Yes... And how would i know? Did i sms him before he sms me? As usual, are we surprised? Oh no...I'm really not so sure about how i feel. Its funny how that can happen isn't it? I mean, someone told me when u find a rich guy, u have to keep him. But, funny thing is, that's not my intention with Mr tour guide. I like him as a friend, i'm smitten by him at the very least. Yet, him being so much better then me in all aspects and that he is still currently perfect in my eyes make it so hard for me to accept. Its oki for the guy to be weaker then me, poorer then me, less intelligent and also less witty. But what happens when he is stronger then me in all aspects? Maybe its an ego thing? I'm not even sure of it.
Suddenly there is a new man in the picture. There is suddenly the appearance of ah beng. Not like he is a new appearance in my life. I've known him for some time already. But only truly gotten to know him lately. Rather two days back. And he intrigues me. In that he is a cool and suave guy. Yet beneath all that coolness, lies insecurities. Lies an abundance of self doubt. This guy is mysterious. A sure way to win a woman's heart? I'm not too sure. But i know that he has attracted me. I'm not saying i like him the same way i like tour guide.. but i like him the way i like swimmer... Oh well, i'll know in time to come. But, i never like to shit in my own backyard.. or do i secretly enjoy doing so? He made a comment that he feels that i have more talents and potential then i choose to share. Is that really that bad? Haven't i heard that line like forever as i was growing up? People told me i had so much passion and not to let the fire or candle burn out. THat they were worried i would suffer from burn out way before my time. Its true ain't it? I suffered from burn out finally and i refuse to walk down that road again. But am i being unfair to myself?
Let's talk about superman now. He's also back from his trip. I was ecstatic to hear his voice. But, if coming back was such a sad reason, i would have rather he came back as planned. His dad is sick. With lymphatic cancer. He seemed like such a strong old man. And yet, that is how life is. You don't really know what tomorrow lies for you. Life is so fragile. Maybe its a good time to quit smoking. I wouldn't want others to say, therein lies a good woman, who was smoking way too much... Anyway, from our conversations so far, he seems to be doing well. I can hear the tiredness from his voice. I care so much for him it worries me. But i know he will be fine. He is after all superman. But like ah beng, maybe this strong front is just a facade... But i can only wait and see ya? Hope all will be fine for him..
Been feeling a little grumpy lately. But is that new? I feel my problems are so insignificant as compared to Superman's problems. Does it mean that until he resolves his problem, i should not share how i feel with him, except to support him and be there for him? I'm unsure. They say life is a process and you grow up with all the experiences. I'm not sure i'm ready to experience everything. Life is so weird sometimes. Is it only because i don't know where i'm heading that makes it weird? Well, enought thoughts for now. Lets see what tomorrow brings.. In the mean time... stay happy and young at heart. .. my life is getting way too complicated for me...
No comments:
Post a Comment