And the story goes....

I think i've fallen in love with a man that i have should not have. Isn't this so ironical? Doesn't all sad love stories begin this way? I'm not sure about this. But i truly feel for him. So much so that his very actions bug and bother me. That i know its not his fault. Yet, i cannot find a suitable outlet for my own reactions.
I had an extremely beautiful birthday this year. A quarter of a centuryto be precise. And he featured greatly in my birthday tune. But there is some aura about him that makes him untouchable. Is that possible? The date started with him picking me up and us heading to chijimes for dinner. It was truly amazing. He whipped out a beautiful card that he had wrote and gave it to me. IT was really the company that touched my little soul. But in it all, it was such a wonderful gesture.
These simple acts of his has greatly touched me. I'm not sure how to go about describing my feelings towards him. I feel i'm not ready to embark in a new relationship. The wounds are still healing. But yet, it was Cow that told me once that unless i let go and move on, the wounds will never heal.
With this so simple yet complicated man, there is so much confusion. Is the confusion from within or not? He gives me the impression that he is not keen. Yet, he sometimes gives me the impression that he is crazy about me. I'm at a loss. I wish things would be easy with him telling me the things i want to hear. But i think, not in a long shot.
I've decided to play the game differently this time. For once i will sit back and not be the hunter. I will be the huntee... if there was ever such a word. I will let him do the chasing if he is interested. If he is not, then i guess its no loss at all. But there are butterflies in my stomach and baby deer is banging against the walls of my heart.
For such a confident and successful man, he really has a soft and sensitive side. I guess that's what makes him so attractive. And yet, i squirm when i'm out with him. For fear that i am not good enough for me. Why is this so? Is it because i value him too much in my life? OR is it because i want to make things happen so badly? Sometimes i feel like i think too much about the things that are hardly important and think too little about the things that are.
Oh well, i woke up to a new beginning today and i will stick by it. What happens from here is a fate that only GOD can decide and for me.