Full Circle

I have not been posting for a while now. I guess in my own way, i was trying to deal with my own feelings. I first started this blog coz i was extremely upset about Cow. It was during Valentine's day last year where we ended things. Not really ended. In fact, it was when problems arose and he disappeared on me.
I didn't take a long time to get over Cow coz in his own way, he was not the nicest of people. And along came Tour Guide, who mesmerised me with his words, his charm and his personality. And quickly, i got over the heartache of Cow being such a disappointment.
A day after Valentine's Day this year, TG and i had a talk. He had touched down in Singapore and smsed to say he could meet up. The talk we had was painful. Few days after we talked, i'm still thinking about how much of it is true. And just how much of it was meant to illustrate a point.
TG has been a special person in my life for some time now. Close to a year? And i guess in my own way, i adored him lots. In fact, i adore TG to the extent that i used to adore Guardian. And thus, there was no anger, no hatred. Merely a pain and hurt that i cannot describe. When Cow and i ended things, i was pissed off. Angry with him for being the way he was. For being so irresponsible. But with TG, i cannot find fault with him. Only that i knew this was to come with time. He would never have been happy with me.
We belong to 2 vastly different worlds and he has got very fixed views about woman. Views that he has acquired over the years and i am unable to change. I do not know if i have overstepped the boundaries. Neither do i know if it was pity that he gave in to me in the first place. But i do know that if there was even an inkling of pity involved, i would rather not have started anything. For some reason, i feel like i've come full circle.
In my heart, TG is still as special and important. Just like in my heart, Guardian will always reside. And i am uncertain just where the next road will take me....