It was a generally great weekend. Saw Guardian on both days. But something happened while we were out to make me stop and think about stuff real hard. We were out on Sunday when she called. And although he was still sweet and all to me, i think the green eye monster came a knocking for a while. Soon after, i was fine. But it made me stop and think about how unstable our relationship was, or whether we even had a relationship. Now, she doesn't want him, and he claims he knows how much i love him and he treasures me, but just how long would it be, before a repeat of what happened 2 months back happens again?
We had a long talk that night, and yes, he is still the only man that can draw tears from my eyes. I told him, how little confidence i had in us, and just how tired i was. Emotionally tired. And i don't want to go through the same period where i am periodically wondering who sms him every time his hp beeps. Or who called. Or when he isn't by my side, is he with her?
Am i really someone he loves, or am i just a time filler, or a convenience stop. I think every time i am back with him, my self esteem takes a huge dip. I have no answers for him, merely the fact that there is so many uncertainties surrounding him. And i remember saying this once many many years ago, if he is really happier with someone else, i will take the initiative to walk away. And recently, i have been thinking whether its time to start living my own life rather then his, and walk away.
I remember this show which i really liked. "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking to be loved"
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