Ramblings

What a crazy month the whole of August has turned out to be. Didn't help that i had a bad patch in sales and was feeling real down as well. Oh well, life goes on as they say.
Anyway, past couple of days have been easy on me. And i am beginning to come to terms that sometimes in life, you can't force your hand on certain things. And, maybe that is what i really need to seriously accept that so things will seem easier to bear.
Guardian and that new girl aren't working out. And he has been sort of knocking on my door. Then again, i don't believe my door was ever closed. Of course the thought and fear that lingers on in my mind is, what if it works out one day? Where does that leave me? A friend of mine told me to accept this and just take it that we are just FRIENDS. Not in the loose term of the word that i have come to use with regards to him. But really just friends. And take everything with a pinch of salt. With Guardian, its always tough. Or maybe coz my heart thinks its tough and therefore it is tough.
On a lighter note, met up with TG for dinner last night. Interesting thing was that he texted me. After the last incident with him going out Superman and Guardian seeing him in Singapore when he claimed he was in HK, i have lost my confidence in him. Or rather, i feel a little betrayed. And thus, i find no need in me calling him or texting him to ask him where or how he is. The answer might just be a lie. So why bother. We had a decent dinner, nothing fancy. Not japanese food this time round, and that means i haven't had japanese food for the last 60 days. Ouch
Had a little superficial conversation before he told me that he was back for a day last month, during his birthday week. I faked ignorance and brushed it off when he told me. After all, he was back for more then just a day. But on the whole, we had a decent date, if you take aside the fact that i was less myself coz i didn't feel like i could trust him very much any longer. For some time now, he has been my confidant and also someone i look to for support, ideas and suggestions. If i put my feelings for him aside, i guess he is still a nice enough person to fulfill the above criteria. And yet, i guess in my own way, i feel a bit more for him, or rather i treat him not so much of a mentor but like a friend and i dislike having people lie to me.
But, he still is an extremely charming man and i was a little moved. He texted me after he dropped me off but i am taking it all with a pinch of salt.
With all that said, my target amt of sales for this month is AFYC 12k. So i will be working my ass off for it. That also means earlier nights with less time to blog =P