Thursday, November 13, 2008

Just another day

Braved the rain to come home last night from office. Was so damn tired after the training, plus so many people that i had to meet, brain was on overdrive. Really just wanted to hit home, shower and sleep. Reached home about 9pm. Was seriously exhausted. I guess other then training, my body was probably telling me that it was exhausted. Not my fault really. I go to bed early, just can't sleep. So toss and turn, toss and turn all night long. Finally, fall asleep, and within a short while, i'm up again. Well, i suppose this is always the case when my mind is in overdrive. Anyway, didn't even have dinner. No wonder i generally lose weight when i train. Lack of appetite. Plus the lack of sleep the last couple of days. Not even sure how the hours pass.
Ok. Anyway, woke up mighty early, wanted to bike out. But it was raining. And judging from my lack of sleep, exhausted body, i figured i wasn't going to brave the rain another time. Too risky. Wanted to see if i could catch a glimpse of someone. But felt that it would only make matters worse. So decided to go back to bed and sleep again. On off on off. Finally woke up about 8am. Felt like i haven't slept a wink the whole nite though. Damn
Today was alright. Met up with Guardian for a while, bought him lunch. His birthday is just round the corner. Seeing him today made me extremely certain about my feelings for him. Nope. Good news people. I honestly still care lots about him, and the level of understanding and comfort is still high. Just that i don't have the overwhelming love for him anymore. This leads us to the next question.
Throughout our lunch together, i kept thinking of someone else. Sigh. And as lunch wore on, i asked myself if i was certain about the thoughts in my mind. Have been thinking about it for a couple of days now. And i think i am. Now i just need to find the opportunity to broach on it.
Only highlight for the day was that we finally did manage to chat a little. Albeit really short conversations, it meant a great deal to me. But then again, i've been very emotional and high strung lately. Anything remotely positive that happens means a hell of a lot. I do tell myself to keep my spirits up. But honestly, all i want to do is collapse in someone's arms and for the person to tell me that things WILL get better.

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