Thursday, November 27, 2008

What a month

Spent the day job hunting. Finally resigned. Feeling a little down in the dumps and depressed. Looking for a job isn't very hard. But it's brutally painful. Each ad that i go through, i have to ask myself, am i good enough, can i do this, will they want to hire me. And doesn't help that i don't have very relevant skill sets or a degree. Changing jobs has always been hard on my self esteem. This time round hasn't been easier. I suppose i feel the way i do also coz i'm generally a in ward reflective sort of person. For the whole day, i had to stop myself from asking where i went wrong, what didn't i do right, where i could have improved. What i could do better, how i could manage better etc. And i guess the hardest fact is maybe i just wasn't good enough or that i didn't give it my 100%.
All day i've tried to keep my spirits up. But somehow the word FAIL and the term FAILURE features quite persistently. I tell myself that things aren't that bad. That there is a silver lining to every dark cloud. That things can and will get better. I just need to get my mind to believe it. Honestly the mood swings are pretty drastic and volatile. I hate that i'm this way. And i told myself i will give myself up till Monday to snap out of it. Maybe now, i just want to whine. And be depressive.
Walk walk walk. Hit the wall. Walk walk walk. Hit another wall. I just want to walk. I just want things to work out for me for once. That when i get comfy with something or someone, for the thing to last, for that someone to stay on. Tired!

No comments: