Some ramblings

Four days of not working has made me a lazy person. Sighz.. I really find no joy in my current work. Don't know if i will be able to become a trainer. If i do make it, then i guess i will be happier? Or will i not? Lots of things have been going through my mind lately. Guess its that time of the year to take stock of my life.
Funny thing is, exactly the same time last year, i fell sick with tonsilitis. This year, i'm sick again. Loads of mc.. don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.. But at least i'm getting some rest at home. Been down and out. And yes, it does bug me. I would rather have a long leave and not have mc. I am so tempted to quit my current job in search of greener pastures. However, i know that i might not be able to find a decent job that pays quite as well. Oh well, will just hang on till the trainer selection comes. If i don't make it, then i know its time to move although i love my colleagues so.
Spent the last 4 days resting, and a little playing. Joined a group of bowlers to bowl. I must say it is relatively fun although i know my average has dropped drastically from when i was bowling seriously. Thank goodness all of them are rather amatuer, so i don't look as bad.
The beautiful one's bday was today. Went down to Siam to join the rest after i woke up at 12. Arrived there the latest, and by then, all the men were pissed drunk. All were trying to down as many chivas as they could. Was rather hilarious though. I didn't know it was the beautiful one's bday. Just tot it was another nite out with Superman and wife. Was shocked to see Tour guide around. He was supposed to be out of town.. i think. Anyway, thought of keeping my distance from him. I know i will never be happy with him as a platonic friend as i want to have a relationship with him. And if i can't be happy with him just being a friend, doesn't it make more sense to keep my distance such that i will not long for him when we meet? I know its my weird theory of life, but, i guess, i'm just protecting myself from falling deeper into the abyss. I love his company, but then again, its only coz i love him. So have decided that after his bday, i will no longer make such efforts to call or sms him out. If we meet when we are out as a group, then so be it. I've bared my heart and soul to this man, and the ball is in his court. Anyway, as usual, the group likes to tease the two of us. For some peculiar reason, everyone says that my body language gives me away. Tonight, i arrived and stayed near the beautiful one and MC. And didn't walk over to his end of the table.. Childish? Maybe.. But end of the day, just wanted to be at a safe distance from him. But he had other plans... maybe coz he was drunk already. He was all touchy feely the whole night long. I really don't understand him, he doesn't want me, yet he doesn't like it when i talk to other men. I thought it was kinda rude when he pulled me away when i was chatting with Jason.
Anyway, in conclusion, all men were drunk... pissed drunk. Ate supper and all left in their separate vehicles. Even Superman was drunk. Amazing.. The night has ended, and i am home. It is time to sleep so that i can go to work tml. If i had one wish now, it would be that my actions alone will touch his heart and we will end up together. Or i could wish that i would be really rich.
Money matters bug me. And it is also good that we stop going out for dinner so often. I don't like not paying, and i don't like paying as i cannot afford it. Maybe with this in mind, i will be more motivated to stay away from him.
Oh, on a lighter note, Hero is back in town. And we chatted via sms this morning. Seeing him later in the afternoon. Do i detect some feelings there or am i mistaken? Anyway, at least i know i have a present.. That's what he said. To love or be loved? The million dollar question......