Sunday, August 07, 2005

What a night

First day back at work and i'm supposed to be resting.. But what a night!!!! Watched a show, party crashers. Pretty good actually. Slapstic but it was a good laugh. If you believe that laughter is the best medicine, then go watch the show. Then off to Balaclava i went to meet my dear friend, who was with another friend that was already rather drunk. I swear i will not go out with people who have not partied in ages and want to chill out for the night. Obviously it was a bad idea. Coz when they start drinking, they dun noe when to stop. Anyway, went down to velvet after that for more partying. Crazy when i should have just headed home. But i guess when you don't see your long time party mate for a long time, you just tag along to relieve the moments. It would have been good if not for the fact that it didn't quite turn out the way it was meant to be. Too much considerations and too much baggage i think. Partying is just meant to be fun.
Went to pick up a girlfriend after that who wanted to have supper and chat from Clarke Quay. Interesting life she leads. But i guess i never want to be in her shoes. Too complicated. I sometimes wonder how i will be when i choose to marry one day. Will i really love the guy? Well, i guess only time will answer the question. Finally reached home in the wee hours of the morning to sleep away the whole day. Not too healthy man...
Is playing the game worth it? Sometimes, i feel that life is too short for all these mind games. But people seem to enjoy playing this sort of things. Why? Is it part of the thrill? Or is this what they call the thrill of the chase? Anyway, someone explained to me this concept just now.
Smsed Tour guide to ask him what his place was like.. And one sms led to another and in the end, we talked about how we'll behave if we were alone in a house. Well, his answer was he was worried that he might not keep his hands to himself. My reply, simply put, if he had wanted me at all, he could have had me a long time ago. So, there really is no point in this topic. Caught in a situation where it was only the two of us, nothing would happen as well. And if there really was a flipside to all this, then why hold back when i have already made my move? Someone explained to me that i was really stuck in a poker game. I've placed my bet, and now, he's not only bet, but he has re raised me. Do i fold knowing i have pocket aces? Or do i call? Or is it possible to re raise him? Frankly i have no darn idea.
Why must it be so complicated to start off with? What exactly defines the boundaries of friendship? Will i be able to tell him the next time he pulls me in to hug and kiss me that i think he has bridged the boundaries of friendship? But can i deny that i enjoy it? Aren't i being silly? I enjoy the attention he showers when he is high on alcohol, yet upset that it always ends with a kiss and a hug. Will there ever be more? Do i really want to stick around and find out? Or is it seriously time to have a conclusion? And does this conclusion also end up with just being able to be blunt about how we don't seem like friends when he is high? Do people all give in to their inhibitions when they are drunk? Or is it merely a facade? Once again, so many questions, so little answers.
Will i really stick to my guns this time round and walk away? I'm not too sure myself. But i do know that life is seriously too short to be playing this sort of games. Plus, i don't have that sort of energy now that i'm much older. Oh well, when the time comes, i will know. Till then, i will be contented to ride out this week till the weekend. And then maybe, just maybe i will finally make up my mind. Not choosing is also an answer/conclusion ain't it?

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