I guess the title is a little over the top. But this was exactly how i felt today. Woke up feeling tired and sore from yesterday's bike ride. Decided not to run today or swim in the morning coz was looking to swim in the evening. Managed to drag my very tired body out of bed to get some work done. Settled some work in my home 'office' before heading out to run some errands. Was trying to cram as many things to get done as possible in the shortest time possible, but still have stuff left undone. Wanted to go buy cycling gloves for tomorrow's ride and pop by to borders to buy this book that i have been eyeing. But didn't even manage to hit town. Sighz. So by the time it was 3pm, i had to head to office to meet my manager coz he said be in office by 3pm.
I made it to office 5 minutes after 3pm. Ok, so i was late. But imagine my surprise when i stepped in and no one was around. Guess i wasn't feeling too bad about being late after that. But then, i was worried a replay of last week's 'meeting' would be replayed. So i texted my manager and he said he was on the way. Today is the 2nd experience of him saying he is on his way. And the next time he tells me he's on his way, i definitely won't believe it. Finally, at 4pm i saw him. I did my best to quickly finish my portion of the work so that i could pass it back to him and rush off. Because of my errands, i had taken the van out and i had to pick mum up from office. I figured if i leave office at about 5pm, i could safely make it to her office in time and get back home, drop her off, pick up my swimming gear and head to the pool. I was actually itching to swim!
At 4.30pm, i had cleared most of the stuff i had to do. Only needed to talk to him for 5 minutes to settle the rest of the stuff. Things were looking good at this point of time and i was certain i was on track. Could even fit in a smoke break and buy a latte from coffee bean before heading to town. But alas, life seems to enjoy throwing me curveballs. A new manager walked in at this point of time. My manager wanted to introduce us, coz in future, we would all be sharing the new temp office together. After the round of introductions were done and some talking cok in the process, it was close to 5pm. I was starting to get a little upset by then. So i asked him really nicely if we could just sit and talk about the cases for 5 minutes so that i could leave. I specifically mentioned that i had something on and had to leave office soon.
So, he said, ok, sat down and just as we were about to get started, our GM walked in. She said she would like to talk to us for a short while. And so, left with no choice, i excused myself to call mum to let her know i would be unable to pick her up. And i felt bad coz i know she's not well and all and normally when i take the van out, i would go pick her up from work. It's one of those non verbal agreements. Her short while was really impressive. The next time my phone rang and i had to go pick up the phone, it was 6.15pm. Dad called to ask if i had picked mum up coz it was pouring rather heavily. Boy did i feel bad at that point of time. Damn...
After i explained to him the situation in the least words possible, i hung up and returned back for the supposedly short meeting. She went on and on, and finally, my phone rang again. It was 7.15pm. One of the trifam guys were calling to see if i was heading to training since it was raining. ARGHhhh.. I knew then that there was no way i could make it back home, grab my swimming gear and head for training. And that irritated the hell out of me. I can't explain why, just that i was so certain i was going to swim tonight. And it was not the rain or me being sick that caused me to not swim, but because this lady can't stop talking. So much for her, ' I don't believe in talking much. I like meetings to be short and to the point. It is not my style to drag a meeting on, coz i know you all have stuff to do.' Seriously, she said this to me the last time i asked her how long her meetings were so i could budget time and know what time to fix my next appointment if i have meetings on that day.
Maybe that's the thing with female bosses. Or maybe that's the thing with managers in general. The no 1 criteria to be a manager is that you must love the sound of your voice more then any thing in this world. Either that or you have to repeat yourself 10 times like how the kindergarten teachers repeat themselves. Hey come on, we're all grown ups here and when you say something once, i can remember. You don't have to repeat it countless number of times. Anyway, we were almost done by 7.30pm when a new topic came up. I remembered thinking, is this ever going to end. And by then, dad had called again asking if i would be home soon so that they could go have dinner, or would i still take some time such that they would walk out for dinner.
I knew it was raining, so i asked both my manager and GM if it was alright to end the discussion soon. Both said it'll just take another 5 minutes and so that was what i told dad. But obviously some people have a very warped perception of time. By 8pm, we were still discussing whether there was a need for a copy of the ic for cpf cases. I distinctly remember that it is a MUST for all cases. GM says no need, claims that she has never submitted a copy of ic for any of her cases. Manager says its a MAS requirement. GM calls some agents who agree that there is no need. Manager calls some other people in the industry who say it is a MUST. No conclusion was reached. Underwriters had long gone home by then. I was wondering why the hell i was sitting there listening to the two of them argue when i could be at swimming training.
Finally at 8.30pm, with no conclusion, i told my manager if he had 5 minutes, i would like to talk to him and have to leave. My talk with him lasted 3 minutes and i was out of the office. Not before he told me that probably from April onwards, we will be also doing credit card sales on Saturday afternoons. One less weekend. And the classic statement that i have heard so many times over the years in this business is, you shouldn't complain that we have to work weekends. After all, you're not married and don't have children. DUH! Like that is a good reason to burn my weekends. Eh.. like i need my weekends so i can date and maybe get married and have children?!? But its a done deal. I asked to do it on weekdays, but apparently the rest of them are all for weekends. What's with all these married people? Maybe secretly, all of them regret getting married and it's a fine way to legitimately stay away from home or from chores on a Saturday. Time slot for credit card sales is 11am to 7pm. Sighz Like my day couldn't get any worse.
I finally left office a few minutes past 8.30pm, called home to say i was on the way home. No one picked up my call. Called dad on his hp, and he said they were out having dinner, almost done, asked if i wanted them to pack food, but decided to go to the pool to meet the trifam people for dinner and hopefully pick up my livestrong wristbands that i ordered. Dinner was probably the best thing. Hanging out with real and nice people was probably the highlight of the day. Thank goodness the day ended in a decently positive note.
But as i drove home, i can't help but question whether it was the right decision to stay when the others all left. I missed my old colleagues everyday. Did i mention that my whole team and the other team we're sharing the office with is all Indian. And i'm now famous in HSBC coz i'm the only Chinese in that Indian team. Let me first say i don't have a problem with races. I've had many Indian friends over the years. It's just that sometimes, when they forget and switch to Tamil, i really do feel out of place. And most of them have known each other for years, as they came from an external company, it seems like i'm sort of like a sore thumb. I don't understand the jokes they share, partly due to the fact it's usually in Tamil and for the life of me, i don't understand Tamil. =(
Someone once asked me why i stayed on in the industry. And if you asked around, there are only two main reasons why people stay in the business. One is for the money. The second is because of the manager. When neither of the two apply, where do i go from here? I've told myself that i'll give myself some time to adjust or maybe my mindset is all wrong from the start. That i need to tweak my mindset a little and i'll be off. But of late, even i have realized that i've lost the passion to sell. I've lost the motivation to head into office, to submit a case, to be around in office to meet with colleagues, chat a little etc... I feel like i'm drifting further and further away from land.. when all i want to do is head towards the land...
Maybe when i wake up, things will look a lot brighter.. *cross my fingers......Nitez
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