A little down

It was a day of mixed feelings throughout the day. But in the end, the dark side won over. I woke up really early to head to office. Only to find out that the meeting got postponed from 10am to 4pm. Best part was no one informed me! How difficult is it to pass the message along where there are only 4 of us. Sigh. Then went to meet a friend for lunch. It was an interesting lunch i must say. New experience. So that got me up for a while. But only briefly. Somehow, something felt really wrong. And i just couldn't place my finger on it. Decided to head back home to get some work done before heading back to office again at 4pm. And while i was on my way home, i passed by Guardian's place. It's really weird. Everyday, on my way to office, and back, i will pass by his place. And for the last couple of months, i have not been bothered to look out for his car at his carpark. Or look up into his place. But somehow, today, while i was driving past, i slowed down some to see if i could spot his car at the carpark. I didn't. But yet, abt 5 minutes later, as it started to pour, i saw his car in the lane right next to mine. Talk about coincidence. There was definitely another girl in his car. And i guess it rubbed me in the wrong way. Yes i know, we broke off months ago. And yes i know, that we're better off not together. But i still can't seem to describe the series of feelings i went through when that happened. Anyway, i texted him to say hi, and he replied me by saying bye. Sighz.. I really dun know why he blows hot and cold constantly. Clueless. But he did call some time last week. Think he either heard from a friend that i was sick or read from my blog that i was sick. And he did call. And it was sweet while it lasted. I know i'm a sucker for him. But i really can't help it. =(
Of course his 'bye' sms affected me some. But i stuck to my guns and got some work done, doing my best to distract myself with the mountain of work that i had in front of me. Couldn't run or swim due to the rain. Finally at 3pm, i changed and decided to head back to office. When i got downstairs, just as i got into the car, my manager called to say the meeting will be moved to 5pm. And so, i went back upstairs once again to try to get more work done. But of course, since i had shut down my computer, my laptop and packed everything away from my table, i was in no mood whatsoever to get any work done. So i basically lazed around at home waiting for the hour to pass. And when i once again got ready to step out of the house, my manager called again. And ask if i could meet at 6pm instead. ARGHHHh
What bad time management on his part! What was i supposed to say? Anyway, i told him i was fine with the time, just that i had to be done by 8pm coz i had a dinner date already. And no way was i going to cancel on my dinner date.
So, it was finally 5.30pm, basically wasted 2 hours away, coz i switched on my computer and just got stuck in front of it reading some useful and some useless stuff. And guess what, at 5.30, he called once again to say he is still stuck with the stuff he was doing and wonders if i could meet tomorrow. Gee... He's the manager. Could i say NO?
So basically, my mood by then was already horrid. But kept telling myself that i had something nice to look forward to tonight. It's been a some time since someone asked me out for dinner and i actually looked forward to it. So, at 7.30pm, i got showered and got dressed once again, slapped on some make up and headed towards town to meet TG.
Only to have him text me as well to ask if we could meet at 8.30pm at our usual jap restaurant instead of at 8pm. Argh... why aren't people able to keep to their timings.. Since i was already on the way, i decided not to head back home and just sat at coffee bean to have a coffee and write some thoughts out. And at 8.25pm, i received TG's sms saying he is just leaving office. Sighz.. So waited some more and finally, he reached. By then it was close to 9pm and surprisingly, the jap rest was full. And he could still ask me why didn't i go in and try to get a seat first. Eh, first i look like an idiot waiting for you to turn up. Second, i always have to sit by myself waiting for you to turn up. Anyway, we decided to head to our other usual place for pasta instead.
it has been 86days since i last saw TG. Easy to count since i saw him last two days before Christmas. He has been really busy and so have i. And so, although we tried to meet up a couple of times, timings were always wrong and TG has a tendency to call at 5pm to ask for dinner at 8pm. And usually at 5pm, i have my plans pretty much laid out and confirmed already. So dinner was a nice simple affair that set him back about 80bucks. We spent some time chatting and catching up and there is something about him that i can never stay angry with him no matter how hard i tried.
Dinner was a salad, a pizza and calamari. Plus, really really good dessert. Of course i didn't have food in mind. I was more excited to see him and chat and catch up. I've honestly missed him. Not in the same way that i ache for Guardian. But i miss his presence in my life like a good friend or brother or uncle. I enjoy the times we spend and i always feel happier just seeing him. So why am i still down? Anyway, the dinner date went well. I'm cheating coz i know with TG it's not fair to call it a date. But what the heck... Dinner was fine, coffee was fine, dessert was fine, red wine was fine. So what went wrong?
He drove me back to pick up my car coz i left it parked at the jap place. And he asked, 'Are you going away this year?' Actually, this conversation started at dessert time. He asked. And so i said i thought it would be nice to head to bangkok this year rather then go back to Hong Kong again. Then he said, BKK is boring. So i suggested a couple more places and he was so super duper picky about the places. Finally, i asked him, why don't you decide where to go? And he said KL. And i said, didn't we just go KL last year for my bday? Can't we go somewhere different? Then i said, not like you are able to take a long leave to go away on a holiday together, so actually, BKK sounds good. Spend 2-3 days there and i can stay another 2-3 days and shop.
While we were in his car, he once again asked, so have you decided where and when you're going to take a trip this year? And so i asked him the same question i asked at dinner.. Are we going away for my birthday again this year? And he asked me if i wanted to have a party with friends instead? And so i asked the most obvious question that came in my head. Eh, can't we go away before that or after that and then still have a party and dinner with friends? Then he said he wanted to celebrate for me alone. So i said, oki, then we'll do the trip, and i'll celebrate with friends on my own. Just like what i did last year. Then he said, but you didn't have a party last year, you celebrated with Guardian last year. ARGHHHHH men..... So anyway, i told him, why don't you go check your schedule and let me know if you have any slots free so we can go away. And he asked me the question that irritated me the most. Eh, when in April is your bday? SIgh... So i told him, every year, you ask me when my bday is, not tired ar? Then he said i'm sure it's in my phone.. so the guy picks up his 3 phones, goes through them and says, i don't know why it is not there. Then ask me don't be so petty and tell him when my bday is.
Anyway, by then, i was already in a crappy mood, so i said, my bday is on a wed this year, thur is a public holiday, so effectively, if you take fri leave, and we leave on the night of my bday, we get a long weekend. So fly off on wed evening, back on Sunday. That gives us 4 solid days. But, i was irritated by then, and so when he said he would check, i said, forget it. I don't want to go away this year. Let's just have dinner if you remember.
Ok, i know i am very petty. And i am rather unreasonable. And it is totally not TG's fault that i had a rotten day and Guardian irritated me. I know he has and always is patient and takes most of my mood swings and crap. But somehow, today i just didn't feel like being nice and giving in.
Somehow, i feel i'm quite bad at handling my emotions. Especially when it involves Guardian or TG. Sometimes i wonder why TG puts up with me. In his words a long long time back, he said, i have to pick you up, bring you to dinner, pay for dinner, send you back and still take crap from you... Hee.. Oh well, maybe that's why i adore him.. coz he knows sometimes, i just want to have my way. And if he can give in to me, he would. And he forgets that i give him shit pretty fast.
Alright, going to bed now. Still very full though.. Just ramblings today coz i'm not in a very good mood. Tomorrow will probably be better... =)