Fatigue

It has set in.. Fatigue is getting to me. Fell asleep in the Patterns of Excellence course today. Yawn. It could be the speaker, it could be just that i was too tired. *Yawn. Makes me wonder why i am sitting here typing on my laptop when i could be heading home sleeping. But i guess i just wanted to write down my thoughts on things today.
Someone came up to tell me sometimes, you just have to make a choice and go do it. Whatever the outcome, its the journey that matters. Something like a means to an end rather then an ends to a means. Simply put, is it like hoping onto a train and then enjoying the sights and sounds on the train. Only to reach Tampines when you realize that it was the Jurong train that you wanted to board in the first place? How then can you fully utilize your supposed problem? Easy! If you had spent the time on the train meaningfully, then you might have felt that the journey was worthwhile. A certain amount of time was wasted, but then again, you did gain something out of it. Can life then be reflected in a similar fashion? But my question would be, could you have boarded the train for Jurong and yet had a similar experience?
Now life is rather peculiar. It throws you curves when you least expect it. I've never had a problem with camps before. In fact, i love camps. I love going to meet new people, the challenge of the whole camp, plus the activities that are going on in the camp. Tonight something changed. A concept called selling out was introduced. I was said to be selling out because i had not participated in an activity that i did not believe in. If i had committed 100% to the camp, does it mean that i did not do my 100% when i did not participate in the camp? Do i necessarily have to conform to everything that people tell me? Do i have to experience it for myself to know what it was? Could i not derive the feeling of the experience from someone else? Tell me.. What exactly is NLP?
If the core theme for NLP is modelling? Does it mean you have to go through the exact same set of activities to perform? Or does it merely mean that you can actually capture the essence of the activity and the feelings aroused by merely modelling a person. So why is there such a huge difference? I'm not sure. Maybe the whole aim is to find out about it.
Well, sell out? Would it matter for anything if i sold out to the team if i could not for one second look into the mirror and tell my image that i did not sell out to myself? And if i look into the mirror and tell myself that i did not sell out, does it make it alright to do just so? I am a firm believer that i should never do anything that would make me feel uncomfortable. There is a always a time and place for everything. And not everytime, does something happen and it is the exact right time. Sometimes, people take time to reach a conclusion. It doesn't mean that they are procrastinating does it? Take for instance someone that you would treat for a mental disorder. Should the person not be ready and you jump into it, would the effect be positive or negative? Must not a person make a concious choice as to push forward or stay stagnant? Also, must a person not come to change himself before change will be inherent or here to stay?
Life is constantly changing... Why should i change? Why must i change and how should i change should be left entirely up to me. Let me be the judge as to when i am ready. Fatigue is setting in. I am getting turned off by the whole prospect of this camp. Maybe my question should be why i decided to come for the camp in the first place? Was it to learn more about the company and its policies? WHat we teach people? Or was it for selfish reasons that i came? Like the course of villa wellness, to find an answer that until i was willing to find it out would do me no use? Life is indeed weird. And because of that, i would have to go on searching. I am sure, some day, some how, it will strike me. I am after all, a person who has learnt a long time ago, that everyday, it is merely mind over matter. Nothing too great or too small... With that, its sweet dreams..