Confused

Another quiet day has passed but no news has come in. Seriously, i don't know what to make of it. Will i ever find true love? Or will i one day wake up to realise that i've grown up and there is no true love and that all this while, i have been in a dream?
My silly cow has told me that he needs time as he is scared and afraid. Of what? I cannot tell you as i too am not privy to this information. You know cow, i too am so confused. You blow hot and cold with me that i no longer know what to do, think and feel. You see, when you first stepped into my life, i was not so sure about you. You were the one that made me see light after so many years when Guardian walked off. You told me that you cared and that you loved me. I was so afraid then to be in love that i took it as a joke. But you.. it was you that made me believe in love once again. You told me that you wanted to care for me and grow with me. You told me that things between you and your ex wife was over, and that you were all ready to start something afresh. I trusted you and that's how we got started.
But time and again you have cheated me and hurt me. Yet each time when you came back, i saw the hurt in your eyes and forgave you. But did i do the right thing? I feel that each time i took you back against my better judgement, i feel even deeper. Then things between us got better. You stopped seeing other women and i started feeling more secure. Like i could really start giving my whole heart to you instead of just half of it. Then all of a sudden the change came. You started disappearing on me and not keeping your appointments with me. The dates got lesser as you started turning off your phone for days before returning my calls or even smses. You got me worried sick. And each time i asked you why, you just told me that you were troubled and that you still loved me.
I am in such a dilemma now that i cannot explain to you. If you love me like you said you did, why did you choose to shut me out? Why are you not sharing your problems with me? I told you once that when you choose to keep your problems to yourself, it scares me and it just makes me want to keep my personal life from you. A relationship shouldn't be like that. I really don't know what has happened to you the past few days. You've choosen this New Year to disappear on me and once again, i am left hanging not knowing what to do.
Cow, do you really love me or am is this just your coward way of telling me that it's over? I really don't know. All i know is that somehow i feel something for you and that if you are in trouble, i would want to be there for you. Yet, it seems hard when the only thing i can do is actually just sit around and wait till you either find the courage to tell me that its over or for me to wake up and find strength to walk away.
Whatever the conclusion, why play with me? What do you plan to gain out of all this?