White, black or grey

Out of the blue, my sms sounded. You know that eerie sound that came along with it. It contained the standard simple msg. "Lunch can? Can't make it at night, gg to work." Funny how such a simple sms could inspire such mix feelings. Confusion struck a chord in my heart once again. How can such a simple note bring out the worst and best in one? I even had to ensure that i wasn't dreaming by replying," You sms me ar?" Oh what an utter joke? But for a moment there, i thought he had sms me by mistake. And when i told him that over lunch, he had a good laugh. Somehow, i bet he knew that was the answer. Maybe its the commitment part of me running away, but just now when we were discussing future stuff, i freaked out. I wanted to run away. And the fact that we snapped at each other again, didn't make me feel bad. Mayb that's what i meant when i always sabotage my own relationships. Anyway, its a good thing.. today i did a test. And amazingly, i passed with flying colours. Or so i think?
There are so many special people in my life that i can't exactly say who is the most special. But i did meet one of them today. She was as usual an anchor in my life. I know that we cannot go back to the times where we were close as peas. I ached at a statement that she made. That how we guard our privacy was one of the many things that we take down different roads. But how well she knew me. How well the twice a year meetings would still revert back to a time where there were only the two of us. Where we find such simple joys in just being in the company of each other, of hugging each other. Of her telling me just how special i was, how much there was to love about me and her just allowing me to be me. I can take off my mask when i'm with her. Today, we shared again. I am happy to see her moving on so well. I've long come to accept that we will never walk down the same road. But at the same time, it doesn't mean that we cannot share a bond that can only strengthen with time. I love her so much.
Today, a thought struck me. Was she the first person that i truly fell in love with? Or was it just friendship? Funny how i feel they are so alike. Two perfect outings in a day, i guess all good things do come to those that wait and are patient.