What a joke, have a laugh

I was reading through some of my older post. Basically i was reading through my whole blog. Not out of sheer boredom or frustration. But rather because i was looking for an earlier post. But i couldn't find it. Instead, i read and re read some of the stuff that i wrote in some of my more reflective moments. And as i sit here waiting, willing for the phone to beep, an email to come in, i realise once again that my life, despite me not wanting it to happen has come to a standstill.
But that is not the joke. That is not what you need to laugh about. Remember the poem of the Street? Yes. That street. I'm that idiot walking down that very same street. If you can't remember that, then for easier reference, just go back to the very first post i ever made on this blog. Somewhere in Jan 2005. And history repeats itself all over again.
The joke's really on me. I remember writing. Because i did fall in love.
Anyway, in that old post, if i can vaguely remember, i was also waiting and willing for the phone to ring. I was also sitting in office, worried till death, 100 and 1 thoughts running through my head, me wondering what is going on, have we broken up, are things fine with him. First were the feelings of anxiety. Is is ok? Is everything fine? Did something happen. Then it just goes crazy from there. Is this his way of breaking up with me? Did i finally push over the edge because of what i wrote? Did i in wanting to help him increase his frustrations and confusion. Oh my. I have no idea.
All i can say is, i am in the exact same situation that i was in what, 3 1/2 years back? Story is this. Met a man. Didn't think it was safe to fall in love with him. Didn't want to fall in love with him in fact. Worried that i would get hurt. Fell in love after the sweet nothings and the attention. Started placing more importance in him then any other aspect of my life. Started giving in more and more because i just wanted to be with him. Everytime he pushed, i took a step back. With each step, i suddenly woke up and realised that i had taken so many steps back that i was once again too deep into it.
Suddenly, he has a change of heart, or he isn't as available as he has made himself out to be. Or he says he's confused and lost. Same old same old. Same story, different man. End of the day, the joke's on me. You really can't point a finger at them men. After all, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, same on me. And all i can say at this point is shame on me. For once again, i have choosen to give in to my heart instead of listening to my head like i should have.