I felt completely detached from my own being today. I felt like i had stepped into another world, where i was another person. Maybe it was confirmation over confirmation that made me feel like i was a better person all over again. Maybe it was being in familiar company that i realized how much of the past i wanted back. Maybe it was being in that time and place where i realized how much further i had taken myself away from my dreams after just one wrong turn.
And as i felt all these feelings engulf me, i think back of the show i had watched last night. Huo Yan Jia. Fearless. As a young child, he was competitive and craved for glory and titles. But just how much do these things mean and just what is the value of it all? He finally crashed and burnt. And was aimless and wandering for a period of time before he came to his senses.
For all the flaws that i see in myself, i begin to realize just how much i have been focusing on the flaws. For a period of time, all i wanted to do was to see the world through another person. And now, i know i am ready to step back into my life and live it the way it should have. Because i've begin to understand that as much as i want to walk the life of that someone, i cannot do it. For in walking that person's life, i was never as truly happy as when i chose my own path and walked my own life. And be in touch with that person that i walked away from many many years ago.
Somehow, tonight's dinner brought out many thoughts and feelings. Some of which i have yet to comprehend. But for all the good and bad things that came out of it, i guess it was this statement that rang true. "Since young, you have the hardest character among all the younger generation. You were the toughest kid being the most street smart. And you always chose your own directions and paths and always succeeded. No one can change your mind for you were always the hard one. What you choose to do for the rest of your life, begins today."
And as i read the bookmark that star gave me 6 months back, i finally understood what he meant. That today is the first day of my life for the rest of my life. Thanks... It all seems crystal clear now!