Was having a discussion with a friend today. We both came from a party of sorts. There was a groom to be and a bride to be and many many overseas friends. This friend of mine didn't have dinner with us while the rest of us, overseas and local people consisting of Singaporeans, Koreans, Filipinos, China people all gathered to have dinner at this cafe.
As dinner came to a close, people started leaving and those that were proceeding to part 2 of the night stayed for a while more. The bride to be came over and joined a group of us to chat. So happens that most of those seated around me were going to be her "sisters" for the day. And as we discussed what we were going to do, we realised that much of the wedding plans were not set up yet. Now usually, i would brush it off, being a rather last minute person. However, it struck me as odd that the wedding was less then 48 hrs away and yet there is so much that is not done.
The bride to be was of course peeved by the groom to be. And so the stage looked set for another fight to break out. A neverending series of fights that have occurred throughout the whole preparation of their marriage. As friends of both the bride and groom, i empathise with the both of them. We have a playful groom, who thinks that everything can be settled with the bat of an eye, and we have a serious bride, who needs things planned to the most minute of details. How do two people with such vast personalities work things out?
When we finally proceeded to the venue for the party, tempers were once again rising. The bride to be took off home in a huff, her face was black and all around could tell that she was fuming. The groom carried on entertaining his friends, either oblivious to her exasperation or simply ignoring her. Now considering this same incident happened maybe a week ago, and again two weeks ago, and again three weeks ago, many of us were by now used to it. And some people pretended not to notice it, while some merely kept our mouths shut. When both parties are your friends, who do u speak up for? Whose side do you choose to stand on?
My friend and i finally got some down time after we left the party and chatted a little. It was obvious to the both of us that both the bride and the groom to be were stubborn and strong headed people with personalities to match. And it was even more scary that both parties choose not to compromise. And how then did they intend to work their marriage out? Why bother getting married in the first place? I have no wish to see them get divorced a yr, 2 yrs or 3 yrs down the road. Or must it take marriage before they learn the personalities of themself and learn to work around it?
Compromise is such a big word. And with big words come big actions. Exactly when do you stand firm for what you believe in and when do you learn to give in. And at which point is enough, really enough? These thoughts came to me today as i also shared with a girlfriend about the state of her relationship. Let's face it, i feel personally that almost all men cheat. There are a rare few that don't. And at the end of the day, are you willing to accept the fact that he still knows where is home and returns back home? Are you willing to accept the fact that he loves you still and is responsible for the house, yet feels a compelling need to go out and get a little variety once in a while?
Maybe i really am a xiaonuren at heart. Judging by my track record, i know i will be hurt if my bf or husband ever cheats on me. And yet, i know i will not choose to leave him unless i know there is no way we can salvage our realtionship. So when this friend shared with me his view, i guess the question to ask is WHY?
Then again, there are always two sides to a coin. If a guy loves and respect a girl or vice versa, then he/she would not cheat on their other half. And therefore, if there is loyalty and fidelity, then there is no need for the above arguement at all. And yet, in our not so perfect world, people often get tempted and as with the great saying, to err is human. Then what do you do about it?
As i watch with earnest as to this potential drama unfolding in front of me, i wonder and ponder about the many reasons why people cheat. And what exactly is the bottom line? When do you know thats it and when do you forgive a person and move on?
In conclusion to this discussion that my friend and i had, we both realised that all we can do as friends for this couple is to hope and pray that they will both realise their clash in personalities and learn to compromise, give and take and learn to respect one another. At the same time, as friends, we just have to be understanding and know they are doing their best, although of late, there have been comments as to not wanting to party with the couple coz of the staredowns. Oh well, what will happen will happen. Till i come up with more thoughts on this topic, cheerios
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