Relieved

Hello
Hello
I feel a load has been lifted off my shoulders. And its a feeling that makes me feel relieved. Even happy.
My friend who was admitted into hospital has been discharged so all is fine now i guess. At least she got discharged with a happy ending. She and her other half are officially together. Took a near death for them to figure out that they want to be with each other. Funny how things work out at the end of the day. Maybe i should stop worrying so much from now onwards. It seems that there is always a guardian angel somewhere, watching out for everyone. Maybe my Guardian Angel just took a long leave of Absence. Anyway, good to know all worked out.
Saw him on Msn yesterday. And although i was once again disturbing his extremely hectic schedule, we had a good talk. Don't ask me wat is good. I can't explain. Guess it was really a clearing of the air that had held many question marks. Or maybe like wat he said, it's about finding peace within myself. Maybe its a resolution of sorts. Maybe i know now that it's alright to like someone lots. And it really doesn't matter if he doesn't feel the same way i do. But at least he knows. At least its one of those better to have loved and failed then not to have loved at all.
I smsed Guardian earlier on in the day. I guess before talking to him and before finding someone to share with, i needed to talk to someone. He called me back. We talked and all. And it felt good to have chat with someone that understood. Someone that has always been around. And it was yet another good talk. Good why? Good coz somehow, it felt different. It's like i know for a fact that we'll always remain as friends. And yet, what i need now from him, and what he needs from me has changed over the years.
I'm not sure what the explaination is as well. He talked about leaving her. In the past, i would have jumped at this. After all, i've always wanted him back. And he asked if i would be there for him this time round. Maybe its also what i feel for Tour Guide, or maybe its the knowledge that i can grow and can still be strong. I told him, i'll always be around as a friend. But, things between us ended too long ago. Maybe we know each other too well. Or rather, i know him too well to know he needs only someone to be there for him. And one day he will walk away again. And i've given up enough of my life to be constantly around. And maybe i'm tired. Or maybe just maybe, i don't love him with that intensity that i did many years back.
Seems like a good time to clear the air. WIth the new year around the corner, things are tidying up quite nicely. Actually i feel like grown quite a bit since...