What's my reason to live? I've asked myself this like a million times since i was 20. And i've not found a reason. So why do i live? That maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Or maybe, i made a promise to my friends that it wun happen again. It also has to do with the fact that i told them that i will never pu them through such misery again.
The last time it happened, i guess Guardian spent every waking moment that he was not working with me. And yet, what happened? After i came out of hospital, he still walked. So, was it all worth it? Besides going through 3 weeks of agony, i could not phantom why it would have been worth it. Oh yeah, maybe it was gd coz i ended up knowing who really cared about me. But then again, i know that they cared for me in the first place.
5 years later, i'm still searching for a reason. A reason as to why i want to live. Someone told me once, that the next time someone special comes along, i will kick myself in the ass and asked why i even did something so stupid..
Guess nothing changes.. tears rolled...uncertainty mounts... '
He called last nite.. or did i blog on that already. I feel bad for bugging him. I'm scared coz i know i feel the way i did 5 years back again. I just suddenly feel like i don't want friends anymore. I don't want to be close to anyone. Being close will hurt. At the same time, maybe keeping my distance will make me a stronger person.
No comments:
Post a Comment