Running, running away.

My friend came by for a visit and left. I yet again felt that weekend came and left altogether, too fast.
Have been feeling down for some time already. And i know i must pull myself together, take that step forward and stop looking back. In fact, i think i have been doing the dance for a really long time now. Some days, i wake up with renewed passion and zest and tell myself that i need to take a step forward. Others, i just want to crawl right back into bed so that i can delude myself into maybe thinking that things are alright and things will straighten themselves out. Whoever said you'll cross the bridge when you get there was obviously lying!
I know i have been using trainings and sports as my own way of running away from reality. And that at some point, i will have to wake up to it all and face my fears, and my problems. But i honestly am quite hopeless in thinking of a solution and my hands are pretty tied!
The last two weeks have been probably the hardest. With dad going to hospital and the other stuff i had to deal with, i began to feel a little crack in the wall that i had so bravely put up. Didn't manage to get any training done and therefore, had no real avenues to run myself into. And as my birthday approaches, i have less and less time to come up with a concrete plan and settle things. Oh.. i know that the dateline is something that i imposed. But i really feel like i need to settle stuff and get things done. It seems like a perpetual cycle, and as long as the problem is not solved or there is no conclusion, i will forever be walking around in circles. The last time i felt this way was probably 3 years back. Damn...
Funny how, with experience and with age, one is supposed to know how to deal with problems better. But for me, i feel like the harder i dig, the deeper i get rooted in. And as abstract as it may sound, you cannot imagine the amount of anxiety i am feeling. Sighz
Going to head to the pool now. Yes, i am once again running away from the things i need to do and settle, rather then going for swimming, but is it too much to say that i can't deal with it now? Or maybe i'll think better after swimming?