Remember i mentioned that there was this thought running through my mind? And i wanted to give it some thought before blogging about it? Call it 6th sense, gut instinct or whatever you wish to call it. But somehow, i knew that there was a reason why these two words suddenly popped in my head.
If you have ever been to a play, a musical, and watched it to the very end, then you would have this part called the curtain call, where they bring all the actors or singers on stage once again, to take a bow while the audience claps and claps non stop. You get to basically see almost the whole production team etc. I often think that that is probably the 'greatest' moment. Where the show has ended, you know you put on a good show and the level of clapping indicates the appreciation of the audience and how you have touched their hearts and have given them a couple of hours of entertainment and enjoyment.
Finally, when the clapping is done, the encores are done, the curtain falls and the audience starts to leave. And if you are the actor/singer, and you are not already backstage, packing up and getting ready to go for the usual celebratory meal, and you are standing and facing a now empty place, where rows and rows of seats are now empty, it must definitely be an entirely different feeling.
I have often wondered if there were those that felt different from me at this point of time. I think about the hours that were put in to rehearse, the sweat, the tears, the hard work, just to make this production a complete success. I think of living, breathing and being the character that was in the show and now, suddenly, life has reverted back to normal. That you go back to being just you and no longer that character that you were playing/acting. And at that moment, i felt a sense of loss, a sense of being alone in this world and a deep void. Maybe the saying all good things must come to an end rings true at this point of time?
In many ways, a relationship reminds me of this curtain call feeling. The feeling of euphoria, the feeling of being appreciated while in a relationship. The feeling of being in love. And when it ends, it's just like the curtains falling and when it goes up once again, you are left alone to watch the rows and rows of empty seats and stalls. I have never been very lucky when it comes to love i suppose. And as tough as it is for me to verbalize exactly what i felt in the last 2 months, i know that when i said the words that i had to say, i was certain it was a lot more painful for me then for him. And coz i am such an empathetic person, as much as i would like to live in my own fairytale world and pretend that the situation is still beautiful and magnificent, somehow at the back of my mind, i know that it will be him who will get hurt in the long run.
Then again, maybe i am just being way ahead of myself. But i've been in those shoes before, sort of like the been there done that feeling. And just because i've walked that path before and know that it is an extremely difficult and painful path to walk, i would never wish that upon anyone. And so, tonight, i spoke my piece. And i knew it would hurt. I knew that as much as i can act like i'm cool about it, i was hurting inside. It was beautiful while it lasted and i suppose that was the most important part. It was like being rudely awakened from a really really sweet dream. Then again, maybe it was just a dream. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, and day dreaming on my part while i was having a really tough period at work. And now that it's time to start working on my production, someone had to wake me up?