Parts integration

Met up with Tour Guide for dinner and coffee today. Interesting.. Finally after a long week of work, i guess all i wanted to do was to sit out and chill. I was really grumpy. Why? Was it coz it was the time of the month? Not really. More likely there was something on my mind and i wanted to bring it up, yet was not sure how to bring it up. Or rather, what was the purpose of bringing it up. Anyway, he was sweet as usual, although i guess he must have been kinda frustrated with me and the way i was acting.
Anyway, once again, like all our dinners and coffees or drinks, we did talk about stuff. He mentioned that there was something he wanted to bring up, but yet, at the same time, was unsure if i would be able to handle the truth. I guess it comes with life's experiences that one is able to read a person well. And for him, he has been spot on about some of the things that he has shared with me.
He did make some really valid comments, and maybe that's one of the reasons why i enjoy chatting with this guy. He said i was kinda childish. And i guess thats pretty true. Not childish per say, as in always acting like a kid. I mean, different times calls for different reactions. Anyhow, i guess i wasn't in a mood to dispute anything. I guess after a week of pacing and reframing and preframing participants, i just really wanted to sit down and not spend the time building rapport and all. Funny thing was that maybe i just wanted to break rapport last night.
Anyway, in my breaking rapport, i was building rappot. I guess there are just many ways to do a certain thing, just like there are many roads to your outcomes. But i must admit that i;m still glad he shared with me and i shared with him. Has it changed my views about him? Well, i guess in a certain way, i'm unsure now. Unsure about what will happen in the future.
I remember saying once that it would not affect me. Then again, what Tour Guide mentioned last night was true. That it would not affect me when the person doesn't mean that much in the first place.
Now to talk about my fears, i guess somehow, i'm worried his fears are true. That they may not be as unfounded as i thought they were initially. What if i really don't know how to handle it at the end of the day. And on top of that, what if it destroys whatever we have right now. And in that case, does it mean, that i should just leave whatever we have right now at status quo? It makes sense. And i guess that's why last night, i did ask him what was the purpose of us going away. Maybe it makes more sense not to go away and give things even a chance to happen.
Somehow, when 2 people are in a friendship, if it is platonic, then its alright. If its not, then one party will always be expecting or rather hoping for something to happen. He said that i was really demanding as it is. Somehow, he is not wrong. So how do i rectify the situation now? Can i just pull away? I guess so. But then again, is that what i want? I guess not. I don't want to move away coz i like him. And yet, i don't want the fact way i am to affect what we have right now. I guess there is never a right answer. Just whether if it works, then good. If it doesn't, then how do i move on, or how do we move on. I guess somehow, he has managed to project his fears on me. And for that, i'm scared as well. I guess i just rather we remain as friends so that our friendship will last a lifetime.
And for all that he has said about himself, i'm not so sure about myself. Not sure if i am able to live up to whatever he has in mind. A song comes up to mind, where do we go from here....