My Dream

It was an awesome week on the whole! Being with Auntie Rosalind seems to bring a smile to my face. It always feels good when i return to Hong Kong to be able to sit down and chat with her about anything under the sun. Maybe it's this thing called family ties? Or maybe it's me knowing that she wants to know and share and find out about my life, sharing her experiences without imposing. Always letting me make my decisions and choosing the path that i want to take in life. Auntie Christine and i are not as close. But as it is, being with them feels real comfortable. Like on normal days, we could be miles and miles away. But the thought that they are family and are people that i can rely on brings a really bright smile to my face and brightens up my world.
I suppose that's why some people feel the exact same way when they are in love. That feeling of warmth and familiarity. That love transcends the distance between two people. Anyway, didn't hang out all that much with Auntie Rosalind and Auntie Christine, but i must say we did spend quite a bit of time sitting around, smoking and chatting. And it was good to know that some things can be said between us at ease without having to worry about getting scolded. Or me just wanting to share coz sometimes i feel a little overwhelmed, plus i might not have enough life experience to deal with things.
So basically the whole weekend was great. Kinda like a dream. A very beautiful dream. But again, we all know that very often, you cannot control the outcome of your dream or what happens in your dreams. Or you will never know when you will wake up from the dream while you are sleeping. It's not something within your control. Like you might have the most pleasant of dreams, and wish you didn't have to wake up. And yet, maybe at the most interesting or exciting or beautiful part of the dream, you suddenly wake up and realize that you never found out the ending.
My weekend dream was perfect in most ways possible. Except for the fact that i had intermittent sleep and therefore it wasn't a dream from start to end. But paused ever so often, and when i fell back to sleep, it took for me some time for the dream to resume. If i look past the fact that it was intermittent sleep and dreams, then it was probably as beautiful as any really really beautiful and romantic a dream could have been. =) So i suppose it still ranks pretty high on my list of great things that have happened all weekend. I suppose it was as good as it would ever get.
But on the downside, i guess that's the question that i have been asking myself ever so often lately. Is it good enough? Would i have to once again compromise on the things i believe in, only to eventually realize that it was the things that i believed in, in the first place, that was going to help me through. I guess at the back of my mind, i have my answer, but deep down in my heart, i want to give love and give us a chance.
Over the weekend, while we were shopping, a rather interesting conversation took place. Was out buying shoes, when this came up. In the shop, there were rows and rows of beautiful new shoes. Some shoes would suit your taste, some would not. But the important thing is that they are all new, bright, and definitely better looking then the old pair that are on your feet at this moment. Here's the thing, most people, buy a new pair of new shoes and would forget about wearing the old pair. Or if the old pair is spoilt, then just throw it away and buy a new pair. However, is the old pair is comfortable, you might not want to throw it away. After all, the old pair of shoes have walked miles after miles with you. I guess this applies to mankind and relationships in general. Who doesn't like something new? It's interesting, there are stuff to find out about each other, every moment spent together is like a new exploration of things. But i guess one year from now, the 'new' pair of shoe you bought would then again become old. What next? Another new pair of shoes?
There is probably more to this abridged version of the conversation that took place over the weekend. But i suppose this is not as important as the conversation that i had with both Aunties. The fact that in the process, not only would i be the one who would be deeply hurt, others who are innocent and only by the fact that they know me, will get hurt. Honestly, i would be sad if the people around got hurt. Or him for that matter. And therein lies the problem. Because, what started as a little spark, has become a fire. And fires must be handled with care. I really just hope at the end of the day, we would not have already been burnt by fire. But what scares me the most is, somehow, i have a tendency to play with fire, and i have never been able to walk away without getting burnt.

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯的多
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜