This post is for you!

You know who you are. And this post is written just for you!
All parents were kids once. The kind of childhood that you experience might have been different from the one that your children are experiencing. Where once, policemen used to patrol and walk around in shorts, i have never even seen that happening in my time.
I believe majority of parents do things for the good of their children. I know of many parents in fact who would rather have less themselves so that their children can have more. And i know many a times, a parent's love for the child is unconditional. It doesn't matter whether the child is a murderer or an arsonist. At court, you've heard of parents pleading for mercy on behalf of their children when it was the parent that was hurt in the first place. But while you place emphasis on the so called things that you feel are right, it is always good to take a step back and view things from a different perspective.
Let me share with you a real time example. Many people have often asked me why i am not close to my mum. Why daddy and i are so close. The truth of the matter is this. Nothing i ever did was ever good enough for mum. When i scored 95 marks, instead of praising me and telling me i did a great job, she would ask, how come lose this 5 marks. Why so careless? Or you never study hard enough ar? But school was not always the thing i excelled the best in. Sports was always my forte and while growing up, my greatest strength was probably being an athlete and a leader. These were the things that were really really important to me. Sure, i knew my responsibility was to study hard, get good grades. But to me, sports and my leadership positions were equally important. A person's character is not determined by the number of As they get for A level or O level.
So for the longest of time, i shunned away from my mum. Coz we were always fighting and arguing. Always quarreling. And as you know, children and teenagers tend to be more self-centered. So, while you are disagreeing or not allowing them to do the things that they so long to do, they become resentful, start to move away from you and you, as a parent has hurt them as much as u feel that they have hurt you or that they are being unreasonable and demanding. On top of hurting them, fighting and quarreling with them only serves to push them further and further away from you and making them feel bad about themselves. Coz what they have valued as important, you have choosen to belittle it.
If you can step out of your parent mentality for just a moment, then you might be able to understand what i'm writing. It's the same as in a friendship, relationship etc. Why do couples fight? Because sometimes, everyone thinks their point of view is right. If one person can take a step back at that point of time, the fight might have been avoided. And more importantly, in any given relationship, how are the tough issues resolved? They are resolved through a series of communication and compromise. If one party feels that it no longer is a discussion but rather an order, the person will start feeling angry and resentful. I remember someone telling me once, the tone of voice is very important.
As i grew older, i have learnt to take a step back and view the world from the eyes of my mum. Also, i suppose age tends to make you a little more matured plus a little more empathetic. And i can see, in her own ways, she was protecting me. She was hoping to give me what she never had a chance to have. And she hopes that in having and excellent education, i can become better then what she is today. I have come to realize that she never got a chance to go to university. And that was probably why it was so important for me to head off to university. It was a dream/wish unfulfilled.
I'm not saying the fault is mine or hers. Just like my favorite saying, it takes one hand to slap, but two hands to clap. Sometimes, it is not right for the parent to place their lost dreams and wishes on your children. And honestly, fighting and ordering, especially pulling rank on them, like i'm your mum, i know best or i'm your dad, i know best doesn't usually get the desired effects. More importantly, i think families that have children that work things out best are those that bother to sit down and talk. Stop treating your teenagers/children like when they were really young. Talk to your children and teenagers like how you'll talk to your treasured friend or lover.
Ask them what is it that they want and why they want certain things. And also, how parent and child can come to a consensus. I remember the only time mum and i managed to sit down and have a heart to heart talk while i was schooling was when i sat her down, and told her, no matter the cost or the price i had to pay, i wanted to be in track and field. And all she wanted was for me to have good grades coz end of sec 2 was when we chose our subject combinations and she wanted me to do triple science and double humanities like Kor. So we made a compromise. If i could get into the subject combi that she wanted, then i was free to do track and field for the rest of my secondary school years. And true enough, from the bottom few of the class, i became one of the few who went on to do a triple science, history, geo combi which incidentally only had one class and was super tough to get in. But what drove me to work harder in school was knowing that i could then do track and field in peace.
So for whatever reasons you fight with your kids, stop and think can i do this differently? Is this the best way to show them that i care for them and support them? Do i eventually want to create a gulf between us? Have i over the years, stopped being my children's best friend but become a school teacher/principal that they hated?
Just remember this. All of us were created differently. I mentioned in one of my earlier posts before that GOD created all of us with different talents. If everyone was great at studying and getting A1s, then there will be no need for streaming. There would be no need to sit for any exams coz after all, everyone will ace it. But truth is, GOD made some of us better cooks, some of us better dancers, some of us better musicians, some of us better lovers etc. And each of us should maximise our love and our potential. And end of the day does it really hurt to be supportive to your children to a certain degree? I'm sure if you explain things to them and sit down calmly to talk about things, any issue can be easily resolved. =)
Just my two cents worth really.