Saturday, June 07, 2008

Weird Feeling

Often when i date a guy that blows hot and cold with me, i wonder whether it's him or it's me. I wonder whether it's coz i'm in a lousy mood and need more pampering and he is just being him and therefore i feel a little unloved and neglected or the opposite. But today while i was out, i had a rather weird feeling. Like somehow, the things he said were mean and spiteful. Not in an intentional manner, but like he really didn't care less whether i was alright or not. But when i voiced it out, he said it was coz i didn't sleep enough. But i still felt a little sad. Felt like i didn't mean very much to him.
Alright. I admit i have my insecurities. And at times i would like to hear some reassuring words. For him to without prompting reach out and hold my hand or lean in to kiss me. Or tell me i matter and i'm important to him. I can understand that men are creatures that are less vocal about their feelings. And he has often told me that i should be able to feel that he cares and all. But there are some days like today when i can't feel it. I suppose also the situation that we're in makes me a little more insecure.
Anyway, i was prepared not to meet him the whole weekend. So meeting him today was once again a pleasant surprise. But somehow, after we parted ways to go home, i still felt a little heavy in the heart and a little sad. Oh well, i suppose i probably just need to learn to keep my feelings in check and to place less emphasis on what he does or doesn't do. But i suppose in all new relationships, what your partner does or does not do seem to matter quite a bit. And i've been jumping the gun with him far too many times just coz he's so lovable. Anyway, maybe it's just me being emotional. And if i use a little more of my head, i'll be fine!

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