Yesterday, i talked to darling in the morning before he had to go home and run some errands and spend time with the family. Didn't hear from him all day long after that and was kinda upset by evening. Really just wanted to hear his voice for a while even though i knew we couldn't meet up. But in the end, managed to mit him twice in a nite. Was so happy. Below is the email i wrote to him.
'Of late, when i'm down, all i have to do is think of you and i'm all smiles once again. Unless of course if you were the cause of the frown to start off with. =P But seldom lah.
Was really glad that i managed to see you twice yesterday even if the first time was for a really brief period. But i suppose knowing that weekend is generally family time for you, and knowing you made the effort to see me for just a while made me extremely happy. Thank you for brightening up my day! =)
Every moment spent with you is always very precious to me. And ever since knowing you, there have been more sunny days then rainy days or days with thunderstorms. You're like the sun, constantly brightening the day, and giving me lots of warmth in the heart, just knowing that someone cares.
Don't be jealous that you're no longer the youngest in the group when we go out and meet the uncles oki? Coz i'm sure the love and attention that they used to shower you, cannot compare to the love and attention that i will shower you with for the rest of ur life. I sayang sayang you ya... So cannot jealous. Coz we seldom will have the chance to have our very own time in the evening. So, if you unhappy then quite silly. So, i will do my best to make up to you alright?
Hope you'll always be happy and cheerful, and will always feel very blessed to be loved and cared for by those around you!'
And below is his reply.
'Thanks for the email. I hope I can be your Sun till the end of the Day. I also very happy to see you last night. What a surprise! Don't Worry about meet with my uncles, I wouldn't jealous la.. I know you Sayang me a lot, heee.....
Anyway I have some thing to tell you, when you tell me that you are going out with guys so late, I am so worry about you, jealous and feel so bad or Sad... I worry they take advantage from you, after you having some drink. I know I can't stop you for going out with them or hung out so late. The worst part is that I suddenly tot of X-wife that she usually hung out so late like you. She always tell me that don't worry I will take care of herself, but at the end she sleep with my good friends. Do you know how much I get hurt?
So that's why I don't trust young people/MAN and I don't like to drink, I don't drink also for other reason la. but I know not all young people is like that. Now you know why I like to hung out with old man. All of all, I think I care about you, Love you, you are important to me and so forth.... Anyway, don't worry, I just need to speak it out, I will feel much
better, hahahaha. I will try my best not to get jealous
Look like we are stay in 2 different world, I like to hung out early and get up early, partly is my work heehee.. And you can't sleep early and like to hung out late.... I will try my best to follow your pace. May be you don't feel a lot of love from your family. I know it's hurt when our parents are quarrellings. When I was young same thing happen to me. Some time I don't feel like going home too. I don't like that kind of feeling too. Just take it easy everything will be ok. Cheers.'
Anyway, from the email you can tell that i went out partying last night. Was at lunar till 4 this morning when i came home and wrote the email to him. I finally fell asleep at 7.40 this morning, which was approximately the time he gave me his usual morning sms. I think i did hear the phone beep just before i dozed off. But i was really very tired at that time. And he told me he was going to the stables this morning. And so i thought if i could just fall asleep for an hour, i would at least have some energy later in the day. And so i didn't get up, instead i woke up at about 9.30 and texted him good morning. Then i waited for his reply. And no reply came. Then i texted him again at about 10.15. Then like wait and wait no reply again. Finally, he reply to say he bz. Also didn't say whether he will sms me today. Or call me. Or whether we are meeting.
I really felt lousy all morning. Felt especially lousy when i woke up and we couldn't even chat. Felt lousy when i didn't know if he was alright in the 1 odd hour that there was no response. I know it's silly. But i do worry sometimes. Maybe it's really coz of my previous relationships. I remembered whenever Guardian didn't reply my sms or call me, or disappeared on me, i knew that when he resurface, it would mostly be him in hospital or him telling me that he wanted to break up. I know Darling is different. But i do get scared and terrified as well. And the worst part is, i really don't know how to talk to him about this. I worry about the fact that if i tell him, i'm giving him additional pressure. That he will feel stressed. Coz i know when he tells me he is bz, it's because he's spending time with the family. And i don't want to put him in a spot or make him feel resentful of my presence.
But, i really felt grumpy and down in the dumps all morning. Like i ask myself, why i wake up so early for? Does he even know that although i sleep at 5am, 6am, 7am in the morning, i still wake up before 10am just so that we can chat before he goes home from the stables. Then whole morning i never hear from him, does he know that i am upset? that i miss him? That while he might be out with his family, i am worried and anxious that i might have done something to irritate him or made him upset and angry. ARGHHHHHHHH
This is so super frustrating. How come one day can be so beautiful and the next day is like crap. Then is it with family then cannot sms me leh? Even if go out can go toilet and sms me say everything is fine, ask me don't worry, say with family then later got chance then sms me again mah. I see already will feel better one wat. But no news, no sms, then last sms sound so curt, make me feel so horrible. Plus suppose to go mit someone with him today. Then he tell me the person might not be free in his email. Then what am i supposed to do? Am i supposed to sit at home and wait for his sms? Will he even sms? I really wonder while he is playing happy family, does he even think about me? Or am i just once again another person's time filler? I hate this feeling!
No comments:
Post a Comment