My very crappy day

Seemed like nothing went the way i would have liked it to. Was just a pretty crappy day i suppose. Eh, woke up, stone and laze around for a while, since it is after all a saturday, then headed to the pool. But it was pretty jam packed with people. Did a couple of easy laps, arms hurt, so did a little bit of swimming, then came back home. Showered, got ready to head to club. Darling asked if i wanted to ride in his car there. Took up his offer coz wanted to spend some time with him. Then reach club, was bz bz bz.... Nothing much happened at club except somehow i also dun know how to explain i had a very weird feeling. Anyway, if i had to find the closest word to describe that feeling, i think it would be the word fear. I also dunno why, but fear gripped me and all i wanted to do was to push him far far away. Not physically push him. Argh.. u get the idea. Anyway, something about us didn't feel right today. Alright, it could be the fact that i was feeling crappy so my reaction to his words were probably translated wrongly. Didn't take his car home coz he said he was going to meet friends for dinner.
Came home, picked mum up and headed for dinner. I pleaded with dad to pack food back for me, coz i really didn't feel like going out for dinner. But he begged me to go. Haa... Interesting rite? Anyway, headed to the coffeeshop. Sit down, order food also troublesome. No one wanted to say what they wanted to eat. So Dad gave up asking, and just ordered a couple of dishes. I contributed 1 of them. Then mum took out newspaper to read, daddy also. Best! Ask me go eat dinner, sit there and watch them read newspaper. So i tried to make conversation with mum, since i was with dad the whole day today. But she dun want to talk. Gave me one syllabic answers. Gave up after that. Dinner was a SILENT affair. Not a word was spoken throughout dinner. Everyone just ate their food. Sigh. Then why ask me go eat dinner. Might as well i ownself cook maggie mee at home, at least got TV to watch. But sit at the coffeeshop, no TV, nothing to talk about. Then after finish eating, both take out newspaper again. By then, i super fed up liaoz. So i say, i ownself walk back home. Heng the coffeeshop near our place. If not confirm diao there for dunno how long.
Alright. Here's the thing. What's the point of having everyone turn up for dinner if there is not going to be any dinner conversations? I look at other families sitting around us, and everyone seems to be having a good time, sitting around, chatting etc. Our table like a couple of monks who took the vow of silence. Then in the rare instances where we do talk, must watch what i say. Coz anything that is said is liable to be the cause of a fight between mum and dad. Sighz... And people wonder why i rather eat on my own or cook my maggie mee. In fact, it doesn't matter where we go for dinner any longer. I used to hate family dinners. Apparently it hasn't changed over the years. Now i don't hate it any longer, but feel that it is very pointless and meaningless. Over the years as i grew older, i've made it a point to have dinner with the folks at least once a week. But in the last 2 years, it is a chore dragging myself to dinner, eating in silence, or having the dinner end with a fight. So, conclusion, better to eat on my own or just say i'm not hungry. At least it helps me keep my sanity.
On a side note, did i ever mention that i don't like people who lie to me? Especially so when it is someone who i treasure and value? I suppose the feelings of hurt and betrayal will be a lot stronger when that happens. Yeah i know sometimes people lie coz they think it's a white lie or they feel that they are protecting you. But if you claim to be a close friend, or that i'm important, then i think i will be able to accept the truth. It might hurt for a moment. But i'll get over it. And at least i'll feel that you shared and that gains you some brownie points. But when i find out that you lie, then the question that will forever linger in my mind when you next tell me something would be, is that the truth? Or is it another of those so called white lies? Alright. I've said my piece. The day is classified as crappy. Probably one of the lower ones this year. Going to sleep. Maybe biking in the morning will cheer me up. Nitez