Morning woke up, then did some consolidation of accounts, money, packed up cupboard, and then Darling said he can only meet me for lunch at about 11am. So i did what i had to do at home, then off to meet him for lunch before heading back to office for
agency meeting. But, while in the car, manager sms say meeting was canceled due to his uncle passing away. Just a huge coincidence that there was Euro finals last night. Hmm... But i'm not complaining lah. Coz that gave me time to run my errands today. But that is another story.
Anyway, met Darling for lunch. He came to pick me up. Quite cute though. Honestly, after the exhausting day yesterday emotionally, i was still rather apprehensive. But also wanted to meet him. Just didn't know how i felt when i met him. But he was super duper sweet. He said he see me so sad yesterday, then wanted to cheer me up. So he gave me a really really really sweet surprise. It wasn't the cost of the present that brought a smile to my face. It was the thought behind it. Just like the last time when he bought me the little teddy that says 'I Love You'. And cakes of course. Anyway, it's this pendant which has a heart and a little monkey in the centre. The monkey turns when the pendant moves. Really cute. Will post a pic of it after i take a picture. So it came in this jewelery box. Then i said i wanted to guess what it was. Then ask him to give me a clue. Hee....
So he said it's not a ring. So what else can it be? Hmm... Like only 2 other things left for a small square box. Either a pendant or ear rings. But i figured it would be a pendant. Although for a split second there was a part of me that wished it was a ring. Hee.. Not wedding ring lah. Just one of those couple rings. But hard for him to explain why he wearing another ring also. And if its a couple ring and only i wear it, then it defeats the whole purpose of the ring. Ok. I digress. Back to the story. Anyway, i was pleasantly surprised of course. Coz last night by the time we came home, it was quite late and i dun suppose any shops were opened. And this morning, he had to work and after work, he said he was going to meet his uncle for a while. Plus, i never expected a present. So, it was really nice. =)
But i guess at the back of my head, i also feel that he shouldn't waste the money. Although he says if spending a little money can make me happy, he doesn't mind. Anyway, bottom line is it was very very nice. I sometimes question myself and ask if i will truly be contented. But i know the insecure part of me would rather there be no other woman. That even if i had to spend the rest of my lifetime without presents and have his presence all the time, then it would be worth it. But again, beggars can't be choosers right? So i am still pleased with the present that he picked. But i suppose i don't want him to spend money buying me gifts coz i want him to feel that the reason that i'm with him is because i truly care and adore him. And not because of what he can give me or the presents that he showers on me. It's the attention, the care and the love that he showers on me that matters most to me.
He told me once that his ex made him buy a lot of things for her. And that she spent his money indiscriminately. I guess i've always been the sort of girl that would spend within my means. That if i feel like i can't afford to pay for dinner at a fancy restaurant, or if i can't afford something, i would either work harder, earn more or not have it. I would never expect the guy to buy me something. Of course i enjoy receiving gifts. Of course if the guy was a billionaire, and i could have anything in the world i wanted, my wish would still be the same. That i could have his whole heart. =) But i must say, i wouldn't mind having his whole heart plus shitloads of money to spend. But paying for items on your own versus someone buying them for you is also a different feeling. Right? Anyway, i really just hope he feels that buying me something makes him happy and therefore makes me happy as well, rather then buying me something makes me happy and therefore makes me happy. What's the huge difference? Considering both of us are ultimately happy you ask? Well, if it makes him happy, and in me seeing that he is happy makes me happy, then it is without a shred of doubt that his happiness is more important to me. But if it is the other way round, then there might come a day where he feel obliged to spend to make me happy. And i really really don't want that.
I guess i also want to be special and different in his eyes. I want him to know and feel that no matter whether he is rich or poor, i would still want to be with him and take care of him. That my adoration for him is not measure by the zeros in his bank. I've seen many women who date a married man because of what they can provide for them or the money that he gives her etc. But i want him to know that i am with him because love is something that is hard to explain. And because i love him, i choose to accept him for who he is. Yesterday Kor asked me if i was married, and my husband has another woman outside, what would i do? And i said, if i was the wife, i would probably condone it. Here's the important word. CONDONE. Not ACCEPT.
Whats the difference?
Accept:
to endure without protest or reaction
to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable
to give admittance or approval to
Condone:
to regard or treat (something bad or blameworthy) as acceptable, forgivable, or harmless (a government accused of condoning racism)
Essentially, both words have similar meanings. But note the words in bold. Maybe i feel that it is wrong, and therefore i say i will close an eye to it, as long as he takes care of the home and that in his eyes, i'm still no1. But then again, this is all subjective. Like how do i know for a fact that in my husband's eyes, i'm no.1 and the woman that he is dating outside is no2? I guess i would not know. But which woman doesn't want to be no. 1 in the man's eyes? To know for a fact that you're the most treasured and important person to the man. That really, through thick and thin, through good and bad, two of us would stick by each other and be around for each other? I think it takes a lot of confidence to be able to feel this. To be able to know. Both parties must carry on playing a part for this to happen. Anyway, Kor was teasing me. Coz he ask me, then today, you are not the wife. So does it mean you're no. 2? Honestly, i also don't know how to answer him. But i gave him this very cute answer which he burst out laughing. I said, also good mah. At least from day 1 i know i'm no. 2, so nothing to say if i never become no. 1. Also, there will always be a goal to move towards being no. 1. Plus, in a way, i have nothing to lose, coz i never had it in the first place. I know it's really warped thinking. Then i also told Kor that one day if i become no.1, i would be afraid of losing it all. So, like that also good lah. Of course if he leaves i would be sad. And i would be heart brokened. But, maybe being no.2 isn't all that bad, coz you know deep down in your heart that right from day 1, there was not commitment in the first place.
Anyway, i obviously have digressed too much. So, after lunch, Darling sent me home and i went do run my errands. Went LTA to do bike inspection. The uncle there very nice. He say he help me pass my inspection. Then after that talk to me about my bike, why i ride bike etc. Then ask if my bike got any problem. Then i tell him my bike erp dunno why sometimes work sometimes don't work. Then just change last year, then this year spoil again. Then he ask me go to the erp area there to check. Then ask another uncle check for me. Hehe.. Then the other uncle check for me liao say dunno why not working. But will change one more unit for me. Then i ask how much, then he say still under warranty coz last year then change, so it's FREE!!!!!! Yippie. And now i have a erp unit that works, which means i can travel around at any time i want and anywhere in Singapore and i can park even when i don't have parking coupons!
Finally left LTA, then head to JE Central to do bike insurance and road tax. Waited damn long. But in the time i waited, i managed to do my banking stuff and pay my bills. But quite stupid of me, coz actually, if i had just turned the insurance paper around, then i didn't have to wait so long. Coz could have settled the insurance online and the road tax payment has an express counter. Anyway, waited for about 1.5hrs, then reach the counter, do insurance liaoz, then cannot do road tax, coz my vehicle no was flagged. Anyway, called LTA and got it sorted out. Apparently, i have some problems with my IU unit. But since they change new one for me already, then they unflagged my bike. So tomorrow can go post office to pay road tax, and i am once again legal on the road! Hehe....
Decided to come home after leaving JE central, coz a bit too late to go office submit stuff, and no intention of going to town in the evening to squeeze with the rest of the people who just got off work. So maybe tomorrow then go town.
All in all, a very very decent day till now. Meeting Darling later in the night. *keep fingers crossed that we will have a nice nice time out and so, today will end on a positive note.
Oh yeah, just now Darling sms say he wants my heart. Then i sms him back say he has 70% of my heart liaoz. Frankly speaking, i'm quite crazy about Darling. I really really hope that our relationship will last. And that things will always work out between us, that if we fight, we'll always find a way to resolve the fight and will always still look forward to seeing each other, spending time with each other and loving each other. =) Ok, maybe blog later tonight ya... Go do some stuff now. Tata...
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