When i was a kid, i remembered being a head taller then most of the kids in class. Especially the girls i must add. I was a big kid. And when i was in the playground, i was a klutzy kid. I fell quite a bit coz i was probably awkward due to the long limbs. I remembered i fell more then other children. But when i ran, i was probably a lot faster. Guess GOD is fair eh?
But one thing happened consistently enough for me to remember clearly till today. When a group of us kids were playing, a couple of us fell down. And when we fell, some of us cried, some of us didn't. I was probably one of those that didn't cry in public much although i was a huge cry baby at home. But here's the thing. Just because i didn't cry, just because i was bigger then the rest of the children, the fact was that i was of the same age. And falling down and scraping my knees did hurt and i was in pain. It irritated me when the teacher helped the other children who were crying first, then asked the ones that weren't and no one bothered about me. Just cause i was bigger in size.
Over the years, i've experienced the same scenario in various forms. I suppose while i was growing up, i held quite a lot of things back in. Crying in front of anyone was a no-no. But not crying didn't mean i didn't bloody hurt. At times, all i wanted was someone to realize that despite my size, despite the fact that i was gritting my teeth and biting my lip, i was hurting. And i guess Guardian did just that when i met him. And maybe that would explain my attachment to him all those years. Because he knew. He just knew that although i didn't cry, although i didn't say out loud, i was hurting at the times i was hurting.
And he also knew while he was dating other women that when he tells me another woman is hurting, he understands that i could be hurting as well. And maybe that's why i am confident after all those years that we've been together that he does care for me. Even up till today. Without a shadow of doubt. =) But of course, just coz you care for someone doesn't make it a workable relationship. And we've had our fair share of problems enough to want us to just stay on for friends, caring for each other and not walking down the same road again.
So what's the point of the whole story? The point is this. While i might at times seem bigger, seem stronger or seem like i'm not in pain, i could be. And it doesn't hurt you to ask or to check. Especially if it's something that i've mentioned before. I guess i miss Guardian and Superman the most on days like this. When i'm in pain, when my hormones are running wild, i'm grumpy and my cramps feel like they're going to eat me alive from inside out, i miss someone asking me how they can make my day brighter or just appear at my block with a slice of strawberry shortcake to make me just feel a little better although the pain doesn't go away. Instead, all i heard all day was someone telling me that others are in pain. I didn't reply. After all, so was i.
But one thing happened consistently enough for me to remember clearly till today. When a group of us kids were playing, a couple of us fell down. And when we fell, some of us cried, some of us didn't. I was probably one of those that didn't cry in public much although i was a huge cry baby at home. But here's the thing. Just because i didn't cry, just because i was bigger then the rest of the children, the fact was that i was of the same age. And falling down and scraping my knees did hurt and i was in pain. It irritated me when the teacher helped the other children who were crying first, then asked the ones that weren't and no one bothered about me. Just cause i was bigger in size.
Over the years, i've experienced the same scenario in various forms. I suppose while i was growing up, i held quite a lot of things back in. Crying in front of anyone was a no-no. But not crying didn't mean i didn't bloody hurt. At times, all i wanted was someone to realize that despite my size, despite the fact that i was gritting my teeth and biting my lip, i was hurting. And i guess Guardian did just that when i met him. And maybe that would explain my attachment to him all those years. Because he knew. He just knew that although i didn't cry, although i didn't say out loud, i was hurting at the times i was hurting.
And he also knew while he was dating other women that when he tells me another woman is hurting, he understands that i could be hurting as well. And maybe that's why i am confident after all those years that we've been together that he does care for me. Even up till today. Without a shadow of doubt. =) But of course, just coz you care for someone doesn't make it a workable relationship. And we've had our fair share of problems enough to want us to just stay on for friends, caring for each other and not walking down the same road again.
So what's the point of the whole story? The point is this. While i might at times seem bigger, seem stronger or seem like i'm not in pain, i could be. And it doesn't hurt you to ask or to check. Especially if it's something that i've mentioned before. I guess i miss Guardian and Superman the most on days like this. When i'm in pain, when my hormones are running wild, i'm grumpy and my cramps feel like they're going to eat me alive from inside out, i miss someone asking me how they can make my day brighter or just appear at my block with a slice of strawberry shortcake to make me just feel a little better although the pain doesn't go away. Instead, all i heard all day was someone telling me that others are in pain. I didn't reply. After all, so was i.
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