Had a really rotten day today. Everything about the day seemed wrong. Nothing went the way i would have liked it to go. Maybe other then the morning. But from the minute i stepped into office, everything just took a slide downwards. And i got more upset and depressed with each passing minute in office. The meeting dragged on and issues were once again left unsettled. The same problems came up over and over again. And seriously, i don't have any answers to the questions that were asked. Then there was a individual meeting with Head Office and Kumar. The whole meeting was horrid. I hated being trapped in a room with them all. I felt like an avalanche was falling on me. Everywhere i moved, some arrow came shooting. Seemed like i was in a middle of a battlefield and there were a million arrows firing at me. No way i could have avoided them. I only remember at the end of the meeting where i made the comment that it really didn't matter if i had stayed on at HSBC. Coz end of the day, the company that i stayed on didn't trust me. I would have been better off if i had left with the rest of the team. Because, today, i was facing two groups of people who didn't quite trust me. If i leave to join Winnie's group now, there would be no trust left. And if i stayed on at HSBC, they would feel that i would eventually leave to join Winnie. So i guess i am in a lose lose situation here? How do i turn it around? Clueless.
Then there is another meeting tomorrow to settle the customer complaint. Sighz. Oh well, when tomorrow comes i suppose. Anyway, meeting dragged on and on, only managed to leave office at 8pm. By then, it was way too late for swimming. Was really quite upset already and missing training didn't make me feel any better. But i was looking forward to meeting the swimming peeps for dinner. Rushed home to shower and to change to T and shorts for dinner. After showering, Dad came home storming. He looked really pissed. Then Mum came shortly. Doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. So while i was waiting to leave the house, they were arguing right in front of me. Sighz. For a moment, i wanted to tell them to grow up. Get a life. Stop fighting. Stop bickering. That there was a lot more in life then the constant fighting that i hear from the both of them. Dad stormed out of the house shortly and Mum just went on and on, re-telling the stories that i've heard countless of times. Dad asked me to join him for coffee, and i suppose i felt compelled to join him coz i honestly hate seeing him like this. So texted Dion to say i couldn't join them for dinner. Which was real disappointing.
Went for coffee with dad, let him vent his frustrations and anger. Heard the same things over and over again. Honestly, i'm tired of hearing the same stuff being repeated.
Quite sick of all the nonsense really. How difficult is it that after having no peace in office for the whole afternoon, that when i come home, all i want is some peace. Some chill time. And yet, it seems quite impossible in this house that i stay in. I wouldn't even call it a home. Coz a home is supposed to be warm. Supposed to feel like a haven. A shelter. But instead, i find myself going elsewhere to seek shelter.
Then after we finished chatting, Dad and I, while we were ready to leave, it started pouring. Rode my bike out, so had to wait for the rain to stop. I was tired, i was grumpy, i was emotional, and i wanted to come home, blog and crawl into bed. And yet, i sat there and stared at the pouring rain and while i stared at the water that swept into the drains, i wish i was like the water. Flowing, flowing. I suppose the only nice thing was the cooling ride back in the drizzling rain coz didn't want to wait any longer. It was a little cold and i'll probably regret it if i wake up with a cold in the morning. But it was a nice feeling. Riding in my T and shorts, slippers, for a split second i felt like i didn't have a care in the world. That i could bloody do whatever it was i wanted. For a moment there, i felt free.
So the conclusion was it was a damn crappy Monday. I can only wish Tuesday will turn out to be a much better day. Although from experience, a lousy start to the week would be followed by a lousy week in general. =(
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