Friday, July 04, 2008


I didn't blog last night before heading to bed coz was rather tired and had a throbbing headache. So decided that i would just head off to bed after taking two panadols. Let me give a brief overview of yesterday. Pretty average day, spend some time with Darling, had fun. As usual, he has been supportive and encouraging. And i thank GOD each day for his presence in my life.Other then that, nothing of significance happened. So will fastforward to today.
Went to bed at about 12.30 after checking email, checked to see if market was making any progress. Then decided i would go to bed early last night. But i had the weirdest weirdest nightmare while i was sleeping. I woke up rudely at 2am gripping my bolster. I was super freaked out and tossed and turned, calmed myself down before falling asleep. The same dream occurred again and the next time i woke, it was 7.15am. I know the times only coz i was looking at my watch and seriously, i was super duper freaked out by the dream.
The dream i had has got some parts that don't quite make sense. But i suppose dreams are usually like that right? But the gist of the dream was enough to freak me out big time and i woke this morning feeling really really lousy. I know that it's merely a dream and might not even have any meaning to it. But whoa... scary.
The dream starts out at a funeral. And the funny thing is, at the funeral, Kor wasn't there. Only Mum and I. Doesn't take a genius to figure out who's funeral it was. Then after going to the crematorium, the dream jumped to a room. It looked like a hotel room and there were two single beds. Mum took a bed and i took the other. Then for some queer reason, the hotel staff told us that they needed us to move to a room upstairs for 2 days. I was rather grumpy and irritated and asked why we couldn't just stay in the current room. But the hotel staff said must move. So we packed everything and waited for help to bring the stuff upstairs. While i was walking along the corridor, i met Darling. He was with a bunch of friends. All in all there were 6 of them plus me. He looked surprised to see me as i was him.
We chat for a while and he asked me where i was putting up and how i was. I remember we offered to settle our stuff and head downstairs to the hotel bar for a drink. Everything seemed really normal at this point. I know i shared with him how i felt about dad passing away. I know we probably weren't dating anymore in the dream coz he seemed rather distant and it seemed like we haven't met each other in a long time. I told him in the dream that i missed him dearly and i remember he said, he was out with his friends, so no hanky panky. And i said i understood. But i asked if he would like to come to my room upstairs before heading back to his room.
So we went back to the room with two single beds. I hugged him and tried to kiss him, but he rejected me. Told me to have an early night. Then i asked him how long he would be staying in the hotel, and he said one more night only coz he would be taking a road trip with his friends. I asked for the place and he gave me some address.
The next scene had me getting a taxi and wanting to go to the address that Darling had earlier gave me. I remember in the taxi, i was rather tired and wanted desperately to sleep. But somehow, i didn't feel comfortable enough to sleep. So i did my best to stay awake. But my eyelids were so heavy. We travelled well into the night and there was this stretch of road that was really really pitch dark. It was so dark that i remembered thinking that i better not fall asleep and keep myself awake so can help the taxi uncle watch the road. But it was impossible to see anything ahead. And i asked the taxi guy, are you sure we should be driving in this darkness? Maybe we should take a break. And he told me there was no place to rest and we must just push on if not we would never make it. It was finally day time and we were approaching a funfair/ carnival. He told me that we were pretty near our destination but he had to stop at the carnival to pick up something from his friend. Then he told me that the roller coaster was very fun. I found myself under the roller coaster and wanted to ride in it. The people on the roller coaster all looked very happy. But somehow, before i got to the front of the queue, the taxi uncle was back and said we had to hurry.
Somehow this time round back in the taxi, i was way too tired. But visiting the funfair sort of made me feel a little more relaxed and i told the uncle i was very tired and could no longer keep my eyes opened. I asked him how far more it was to the place that i wanted to go. And he reassured me that we were going to be there soon and asked why not i take a nap and he would wake me up when we arrived. I fell asleep after that. When i next woke, i was in a rather run down place and i was very scared. I opened my eyes and there was the taxi uncle in front of me leering at me. Somehow i knew what he wanted and i fought him as hard as i could. But he still managed to overpower me and i woke up the first time round at the point when he broke one of my arms and tied the two arms together. This was at 2am.
The 2nd dream was quite similar with some parts more refined. But it was a continuation of after my arm broke. Basically to cut to the chase, the uncle raped me and i was at that dirty deserted place for a week, everyday, he would come in only to use me, he didn't give me any food or water and after a week, i was begging him for water and food. And he gave me a contract to sign and said if i signed the contract, he would let me go. I signed the contract and he finally gave me some food and water. At that point, i remember asking him whether he picked me randomly, or did i offend him in the past. He said no, that he was given instructions by someone. I woke at the point where i saw Darling walk into the deserted place.
The feelings that i went through in the dream was so bloody real. And i absolutely freaked out. I couldn't sleep after that coz i didn't want to dream the same dream again. Twice in a night was more then enough.

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